A Jesusfreaks tales of farm life with soon to be Six kids

[Jesusfreak101]

Yeah they have absolutely no fear. The worst two are meat birds and they will be going in to that fridge very soon. One is a rooster and has me worried about later.

 

[Jesusfreak101]

Lots going on in drama wise. So far the property split is still not going at the moment so still have time. His mother and step father want to move back to texas and are planning to buy 200+ acres and wants us to go in with them and have the land we want subdivided and the rest put into a trust for their two younger kids (minors) (they not sure they live long enough because of medical issues) that we would take if something were to happen. We havent decided anything regarding that and like i told dh our focus is taking care of our income currently and also focusing on this birth thats about to happen. My family has hit a rough batch my oldest brother is going through a divorce that messy with two young boys, my younger of the two brothers(both older then me) is having issues with his preteen boy. My mother is being not sure how to put this wants to help my eldest brother but wants to get paid 1200 a month to watch his boys, she trying to give my other brother parenting advice and she keeps telling me that i shouldnt have any more pregnancys she wasnt really happy about this one at first. I am at the point that i just cant deal with their nonsense right now. first there is alot of history between my brothers and i that is just horrid and my mother knows about it but tends to not think about it and thinks that i should be closer to them and that my kids should stay with her and also watch them(she has made some bad judgement calls with my siblings kids) and dh and i both say no. I thinking of calling my father and telling him so he can deal with her about the fact i cant deal with the drama and if she wants to call to talk great but needs to leave the drama and rudeness out. but i cant think of a way to be more tactful on it. i suck at being tactful i am a blunt person and tend to speak my mind and this is one time i know i need to hold my tongue because i dont want to hurt her and ect. I talked to Dh about what been going on with me lately and he supports me and backs me on everything. If you older wiser ladies/gentlemen who are tactful or not have ideals how to handle anything of this going on by all means lets me know how or what to do cause i am beyond my mental point at this moment.

 

[Thefarmofdreams]

oh gosh... family and healthy boundaries are SO HARD! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have quite a few people from my family that I just legit cut out because the boundary breaking was just too much.


If you simply tell her something along the lines of: "There is a lot going on right now that is too much for me to process through with you. I need time and space to work through these things on my own first. I do want to talk to and stay connected with you though. Can we please avoid X, Y, and Z topics so that communication can continue?? .. would she respect that?

And then you know, get more forceful as boundaries continue to be broken. "Mom, I said I was not ready/comfortable talking about X. Can we talk about something else, or should I call you back another time?" or "So-and-so would be a better outlet for this subject. Do you want me to let you go so you can vent with them?" etc.

 

[Jesusfreak101]

honestly i dont know i thought to call my father and tell him so that he could deal with her about it because she tends to guilt trip me and tends to tell me we are family and we need to be supporting one another and we need to be together and forgive each other. her version of forgiveness tends to go to if i forgive you it doesnt matter what you did i am going ot allow you access to everyone even if said person shouldnt be around kids for x reason or other such things.

 

[Thefarmofdreams]

That's awful. I'm with you though- I'd just not let her have my kids if I couldn't trust her to respect my boundaries and keep them safe. It's a hard boundary to set, so I feel your pain. I hope your dad can help you navigate this!

 

[Baymule]

Mother or not, if you don't want her keeping your kids, then stay away.

She can only guilt trip you if you let her. Grow up. You have your own kids now. You are not the little girl she raised, you are raising your own kids now. You have nothing to feel guilty about so stop it. Just stop it. Manipulative people know how to push buttons to get what they want. Stand up for yourself and put on your Big Girl Panties.

You don't have to be rude. When she starts putting the guilt trip on you, suddenly you have to get off the phone. A few times of that, then gather up your courage and tell her you don't like whatever she just said because it makes you feel uncomfortable. if she persists, get off the phone.

You can politely tell her that you don't want to hear whatever she is saying. If she gets offended, too bad. Tell her you are changing the subject to something more pleasant. If she just won't stop, then make your conversations short.

 

[farmerjan]

@Jesusfreak101 , you are too nice to everyone. I am with @Baymule . You are an adult... not a newlywed unsure teenager but a mother with several kids.
And you keep waffling back and forth and this whole family drama is making you tense and stressed. Tell them NO, PERIOD. You, your husband and YOUR KIDS HAVE to come first. None of us on here want you to keep getting so upset... I am surprised the mid-wife has not put her foot down so you have a nice quiet relaxed last few weeks... PLEASE, take care of you the way YOU WANT things to be; not how others except your IMMEDIATE, living in your house, family wants it.

 

[Baymule]

@Jesusfreak101 , you are too nice to everyone. I am with @Baymule . You are an adult... not a newlywed unsure teenager but a mother with several kids.
And you keep waffling back and forth and this whole family drama is making you tense and stressed. Tell them NO, PERIOD. You, your husband and YOUR KIDS HAVE to come first. None of us on here want you to keep getting so upset... I am surprised the mid-wife has not put her foot down so you have a nice quiet relaxed last few weeks... PLEASE, take care of you the way YOU WANT things to be; not how others except your IMMEDIATE, living in your house, family wants it.

Well said Jan!

 

[caprines.n.me]

I know that you asked for advice from people who "are tactful or not." I think tactfulness is underrated. You have, what, 4 almost 5 children? I think you are quite grown up and already have your big girl panties on and I am in awe of what you accomplish each and every day. There is no such thing as being too nice. You appear to be the type of person who does not want to offend anyone. While that is commendable, it may land you in the unfortunate circumstance you find yourself. There are ways to get your point across as thefarmofdreams mentioned while still being firm and diplomatic. Please continue to be the person that you are, but perhaps add a bit more sass. Wishing you a safe and drama free upcoming birth.

 

[Larsen Poultry Ranch]

Parents know how to push your buttons because they are the ones who installed/created most of those buttons in the first place. I agree with the others that you should try to be polite but set your boundaries and enforce them. You have several kids already, so I really feel like you know what you are doing there and she shouldn't really have much weight/input to provide on that topic.

If she calls and starts going off about a topic you don't want to talk to her about, let her know you don't want to talk about it and if she continues you'll hang up. Then follow through and hang up if she keeps talking about that subject. Or if that's too confrontational, say one of the kids/animals made a mess and you have to get off the phone, and then hang up.

You are awesome and an inspiration. You will get through this.