Peteyfoozer’s Journey (because journaling’s not enough)

peteyfoozer

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peteyfoozer

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So Boone is starting to figure stuff out, albeit slowly. He can now pull the back door wide open. At which point the look on his face is priceless. He is a big, slow, clumsy puppy who is unaware of all the above. He stands with door tug in his mouth, door wide open, totally flummoxed, because if he spits it out to go outside, the door closes. So he stands with it open as wide as it can go, with a puzzled look on his face and I can hear him thinking “HTF does Fen do this?” 😂
Hilarious :lol:
 

peteyfoozer

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Its incredibly beautiful out this morning. It reminds me of the thousands of mornings I took for granted (though really, I did not. I found them glorious, I just never saw it ending this way)
I would wake in my perfect home (the only one I ever really had), put the coffee on, walked out past my whiskey barrel waterfall ( the one Cider thought was his personal spa) past the fragrant blooms of the wisteria and down to the barn to feed my beloved horses. Most belonged to clients, as I couldn’t actually afford mine, so training for others allowed me to ride the best.
I never felt lonely then, even though I didn’t see anyone during my days, unless it was a lesson day for clients which I kept down to 2 days a week as I never enjoyed teaching the people like I did training the horses…

No more bouncing out of bed, looking forward to the day…now I drag myself out, making pathetically embarrassing sounds as I do, wishing I could remember physically, what it was like to feel good. Boone greets me enthusiastically, crushing me under his weight as he launches himself on top of me as soon as he spies me sitting there. The extra pain he causes me doesn’t matter, because he’s causing it with so much love, and adoration. It’s a rare gift. Never given by humans, not even those I love enough to die for, or harder, to live for…even in Dogdom its rare. I have only had this kind of love from my Savior, 3 dogs and 1 horse.
I make the Herculean effort to be grateful for what I have had and pray He will help me feel grateful for that which is left.
Thank you Boone for your heart. It’s what is keeping me going in both these beautiful days I cry bitterly because of my limitations and the awful, gloomy ones filled with so many kinds of pain I want to just quit.
Yeshua,Let me be a better person.
More of you, less of me
(Paraphrase John 3:30)

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