Saw this on a thread over on BYC and just had to share. It is so right on the money! I did make some minor modifications and there was no indication as to who to give credit to. It's probably been around for years. Anyway, enjoy:
The Man Rules
Now, here are the rules from the male side. The MALE "operating manual" if you will.
Now, here are the rules from the male side. The MALE "operating manual" if you will.
These are OUR rules! Please note … these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be totally clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! Be SPECIFIC! TRY to be CLEAR & CONCISE!
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be totally clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! Be SPECIFIC! TRY to be CLEAR & CONCISE!
1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell us how you want it done;
NOT BOTH!
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, basketball, the other football, (sports in general), hunting, or fishing.
1. If we ask YOU what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We suspect you are lying, but it's just not worth the effort/hassle. See rule 1 above.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
If you give any other answer, it leaves room for doubt or misinterpretation.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry;
we OBVIOUSLY meant the OTHER one!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. We need it up. You need it down.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
After that period, we won't even remember the discussion!
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us! See rule 1 above.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine … Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
Did you know, men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
NOT BOTH!
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football, basketball, the other football, (sports in general), hunting, or fishing.
1. If we ask YOU what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We suspect you are lying, but it's just not worth the effort/hassle. See rule 1 above.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
If you give any other answer, it leaves room for doubt or misinterpretation.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry;
we OBVIOUSLY meant the OTHER one!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. We need it up. You need it down.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
After that period, we won't even remember the discussion!
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us! See rule 1 above.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched... We do that.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine … Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape !
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
Did you know, men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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