It'll be alright. Just focus on the ones you have that are alive and well. Take in everything and learn from it. You have an experience now. Maybe one day you can pass it on and possibly save others, or point them in the right direction as for what to look for.
You made the right decision, albeit a very hard one. I have had two with cleft palates, the first one got pneumonia twice before 4 months and she was very small. I came to the barn one day and she was gone. Other birth defects are common when a cleft palate presents. The second kid I had with a cleft palate I put down immediately, hers was very very bad and she couldn't eat at all.
i'm so sorry you've had to deal with this with your first goats. as hard as it way you have made the right decision for brawn. had a buck kid born with a cleft pallet some years back and you are so right, it never gets any easier or better for them. thank you for sharing this experience so that others can learn from it.
in my opinion I would not put the other kid back on mom simply because as they start to dry off their udder goes thru changes and it wouldn't be good for her to start making milk again. throw the whole chemistry thing off. good luck and enjoy them both.
Big hugs. It is a measure of the person that you are, in your decision, hard as it is. A weak person would dither about, professing "love" for the poor thing, letting him suffer and finally die, but you pulled strength from somewhere deep and did what had to be done. Grief is real, it hurts, he was just an innocent little baby goat. What did he do to deserve this? There is no satisfactory answer to this. It just happens and there is nothing you can do to prevent it or fix it. Sometimes it really sucks being a strong person.
Tough decision, but the right one, and you done good kid! The little guy no longer needs to suffer, and in return, you'll hurt for a while because he no longer does. All part of owning animals. Move forward with your new found knowledge and experience and enjoy the living animals that remain with you and those new ones to come!
We made the decision to put Brawn down yesterday when we discovered he had Cleft Palate. I hope this story can help someone else. When you know something is not right but cannot put your finger on it, keep reaching out, asking questions and reading all you can.
He was such a sweet little soul and no longer has to suffer.