Canesisters 2023 journal - turning my Disasters into Delights

[Baymule]

And that’s why I worked around and with men most of my life. Women can be back stabbing b!tches. When you work with women and everyone gets along, it’s the best. A toxic female like you have and it’s the worst. Stop being so nice, she is an ugly person and nothing you do will ever be good enough. I hope you saved those notes, show them to your boss so that he is aware of the situation. She might start telling him of how horrible you are, get there first! Worst case scenario, she could get you fired. In fact, I think a sit down meeting with the 3 of you might be a good idea. She will feel ganged up on and probably will lash out being more hateful. Smile your way through it and give her nothing to use against you. You can call another meeting, hopefully get her wrote up, most places it’s 3 strikes and she will be out.

Most of all, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
Keep a pocket size notebook in your pocket, NEVER lay it down where she can get it. Give date, time, and what she said, did. This will protect you and may give company enough to fire her on.

Talk to your boss first, insist that she be written up. It’s called toxic workplace. Companies are sensitive to this, they get sued for ignoring toxic employees that make work miserable. She isn’t going to get any better, only worse.

We’ve ALL had animals like this. They disrupt the whole farm with their meanness. Auction barn one way vacation and everyone is happy again. Too bad this does not apply.

Be professional, polite, don’t let your guard down. This woman is a sneaky, backstabbing bully. Talk to your boss!

 

[canesisters]

Unfortunately this latest is on the otherside of: her reporting me multiple times for bullying her, intimidating her, being called into a meeting with the Ops Super & Area Super..... And me requesting a face to face meeting with her, both of them & the Area HR. All of which resulted in them telling me they didn't believe her crap for one second, and that in all of her meetings, emails & phone calls she had yet to be able to point to a single specific instance. My immediate supervisor has seen all of her little notes (these aren't the first). They "support" my "killing her with kindness" approach.
This AM I sent him a copy of the 'little note' I'm leaving for her. She wants to communicate via notes... no problem, I can write too.

 

[canesisters]

My "note"

I would have thought, as much as you talk about communication, that you would prefer to talk to me if there appears to have been a miscommunication or misunderstanding. But apparently, you’d rather leave little notes to be found instead. And that’s ok, I can do notes.

The scale is not my job. Every time that I am up here – other than lunches & alternating Saturdays – is entirely out of the goodness of my heart and my sincere desire to help you and see you succeed.

It’s true, we agreed that we would alternate closing on the days that the rail yard was going to cause the scale hours to be extended to 5pm or later. Again, I offered to do this, not out of a requirement or a responsibility but because it seemed to me to be the right thing to do. I did not, however, offer to close the scale every other day simply so that you could leave at 3pm when there is nothing unusual causing a delay.

This past Friday, the rail yard was not running, and the scale could be expected to be closed within the ‘normal’ range of 3:30-4:00. This was not what I would consider staying late. I can see on the daily report for that day that things actually were wrapping up around 3:45. I was still here at that point - I didn’t clock out until 3:46. Looking at the notes you left in plain site on the calendar, it seems that you sat here for 45mins to an hour stewing about still being on the clock? I wish you had said something… anything. We could have cleared up the misunderstanding immediately.

I have gone out of my way, over and over, to do everything that I can to encourage you, to support you, and to do all of the things that no one ever did for me, simply because I knew what it felt like to have the responsibility of the scale and little or no support.
If you would like for that support to continue, you are going to have to start treating me like a coworker. I expect to be told when you think I’ve done something to deliberately cause you harm. I can tell you that I have never done that – and never will. But if you feel that I have, we need to talk about it.

I expect you to acknowledge this note so we can discuss the scheduling misunderstanding. If not, I will assume that you do not want any of the support, encouragement or help that I’ve offered, and I will respect your wishes and leave you alone.

 

[Baymule]

I have a better idea. Email it to her, copy to your boss. That puts YOU in the clear.
CYA

She can’t complain to the boss if he already knows.
Stop helping her and do your own job, not hers. Make that plain in the next email.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

I have a better idea. Email it to her, copy to your boss. That puts YOU in the clear.
CYA

Perfect!

 

[canesisters]

..... she rarely checks her email - says she's too busy.
.... that would be 'too busy' doing the job that I did over & above my regular job for years & that I'm currently doing WHILE doing 'my job' since she's out.
I'm not worried about my job. I've got 2 decades in & the support of both managers & HR.
I did send a copy to our manager yesterday.
Tomorrow (or whenever) she'll find a note on her keyboard & my door closed when she comes in. It's in her court from there

I'm with ya @Baymule ! I've never had trouble working with men. I worked at a state park, at a haz-mat clean up company, this is my 2nd landfill - NO problem with the guys. At DOC I was in a small room with 30 women.. I've never in my life felt as unsafe as that year.

 

[canesisters]

If anyone is wondering..
I got to work early so was at my desk in my closed office when my coworker arrived.
She stomped through on her way to open the gate and said "I didn't read that whole letter but I think I got it"
I said "Got what?"
Her "That I'm running the whole scale alone from now on"
me "That's not at all what it said"
She stomped back through and closed the door behind her without another word and didn't speak again until I went up to replace her for lunch - then she was pleasant and normal and adult...
Who knows - maybe all she's wanted all this time was for me to shut that door and leave her alone.

 

[Baymule]

Maybe secretly she really wants to put on her big girl panties and actually do her job.

 

[canesisters]

Maybe.
She just came down - on her way to close the gate for the day - and said that she Would like for me to continue alternating closing on the long days and that I had misunderstood, those multiple snarky notes (about me not closing for her and including my name) weren't about me at all

... they were referencing a conversation she was having with her sister on the phone.....

I'm so done with this. It's just what I do to pay for the life I live away from here.

Going home on this cold rainy day - gonna bundle up - maybe even light one of those emergency kerosene heater we put up in the attic - and sort out all my fencing things. Maybe even brave the mud and play with the cows a little.
This place and it's drama-drama may take up most of my time but it's just not worth much of my energy. I've got better things to do.

 

[SageHill]

Maybe even brave the mud and play with the cows a little.

the animals are what keeps us all sane (well most of the time ).