ELeVan ~ Honaker Farm Journal

[elevan]

Thank you.

Her doctors say that allowing her to be who she is now will mean less problems in the future for her. For one she'll grow up with kids knowing who she is and not changing herself later in life. We've already seen a significant change in her attitude since allowing her to be herself (for the better). She's fully immersed herself in becoming a girl on the outside and she is loving life now. It's very apparent that she felt suppressed before.

Quite frankly I feel that if you love your children and you truly know them then you will allow them to be themselves no matter who that is. The receptionist at our family doctor was asking me about K and wondering how they should address her. I love that they were so open about that. Anyway, she told me that her brother told his family that he was gay the day before he died of AIDS and that he'd known that he was gay from age 7. She told me that she never understood how a child so young could have understood something like that about themselves until she saw / heard about K's story.

We're working hard to help give K the "tools" to assist her through any negative challenges that come her way. Last weekend while she was with my 15 yr old cousin (the babysitter) and her 11 year old brother she had one of those bad experiences. The 11 yr decided that he needed to tell one of his friends that K was really a boy and then they proceeded to pick on her. Apparently they threw sunflower seeds at her, spit at her and stole her headband a few times. The 15 yr old told her that the boys were just fooling around. I was outraged when I heard about it. But K was fine. She told me that she just told them what her counselor told her to say, "I am what I am and I am a girl." and to not let their issues affect her.

When the problems (opinions) of others enter your heart and make you change who you are then they become your problems. That is something that I constantly say to K. She will grow up changing the way people think, I feel that in my bones. She loves everyone, even those who are mean to her because love is the best way to make an impact on someone else.

It warms my heart when she looks at me and says "Mommy, you know why I love you and Daddy so much? It's because you let me be me." And you know what? That should be the goal of every single parent out there.

 

[HankTheTank]

I really admire you, you know that? I know a lot of people who are descriminatory to anyone, and I mean anyone different. I love how you let K be herself, without worrying about other people. Everyone is awesome, no matter who they are

 

[elevan]

Thank you. I'll be completely honest and say that I wasn't "ok" with it at first. I mean what parent wants their child to grow up "different" in a world that often has so much hate. But my insecurity was exactly that MY insecurity and it was my problem that I was forcing onto K. She has enlightened me in so many ways. Both of the kids have. B has immediately made the switch from calling her brother to calling her sister and has stood up for her right to be who she is. I'm very proud of both of them.

 

[autumnprairie]

you are an amazing person and so are your children

 

[elevan]

Thank you.

I know that this is a tough subject for many and I greatly respect those who have chosen to PM me if they disagree with our situation instead of posting here. Trust me when I say that you truly never know what you will do in a given situation until you are actually put into that situation. My thoughts on religion / evolution / science are very complicated. I don't believe that anything is ever really black and white. The world is full of gray area. We only use 10% of our brain...what does that tell you about what we truly know of ourselves? The one thing that I know for certain is that there is too much hate in this world and we are meant to care / love each other. In addition to that I know from experience that trying to be someone you're not for the sake of others will make you miserable. I share with you certain aspects of my personal life (beyond the farm) as a form of education. Knowledge is power and experience is golden. I'm willing to talk to anyone about our experience with K (whether you agree with us or not) as long as you are respectful. If you don't feel comfortable posting here in my journal, feel free to PM me.

 

[elevan]

We had some big storms run through last night. Our power has been going off constantly for less than a minute at a time. It makes me think that there is a tree limb on a line somewhere applying pressure.

Mom went out to take care of her rabbits this morning and came running in yelling for me to help her. One of the baby bunnies had gotten stuck between the wire and needed rescue. We also found a kit dead in the nest box. Unfortunately the storm that came through had winds whipping in all directions and rain had gotten into the box and soaked the fur inside. I pulled out the live kits and tucked them in my shirt, put the dead one aside to be buried and cleaned up the box and filled with pine shavings.

It gave me an opportunity to have a good look at the 4 remaining kits. 2 seem to be doing really well. One is what I guess y'all call a peanut...I think. Either that or it's a runt, it's super small. The one stuck in the wire is scrawny and without a lot of hair. One looks just perfect and is covered in light fuzz. The final one has definitely not missed any meals. It's very round to the point of if it flips onto it's back the little legs go running and it cannot get flipped back over.

Mama kitty is still with us and fighting hard to get better.

I've got another broody. Does that surprise anyone? It's Helga. She raised up her guinea keets and now she's ready for some chicken eggs. She fought to keep her 4 eggs last night so we just let her keep them.

 

[elevan]

Mama kitty is still doing well. Papa kitty is taking excellent care of her. It's so cute to watch him pick up food in his mouth and take it to her and drop it in front of her. They've been a sweet "married" couple for a long time now. I don't think I've ever witnessed an animal "marriage" such as theirs. They are 100% devoted to each other.

The little runt / peanut rabbit kit didn't make it.

I got some pics of the remaining 3 babies.

This is the one who doesn't miss any meals

Here are the other 2. The white one was trying to nurse my shirt.

 

[Pearce Pastures]

Just had a thought to share with you on K and your meeting with her school. I teach (though it is at the high school level) and from time to time have meetings with parents. First our principal only allots about 10 minutes and it is never really enough to go over things that are complicated to make sure all the teachers are on the same page. Maybe ask for a 1/2 hour to answer any questions and really impress on those working with her what they can expect and how they should react. Second, do you think her doctor might come to explain it too? Some of our, well I'll just say it, bigoted teachers do better with difference and things they don't understand when it comes from a medical professional accompanied by a parent instead of the parent alone (it's like they think the parent is making it up or just wants special treatment....WHO would even do that! But I have seen a few teachers act that way).

You are doing the right thing and I will say it till I'm blue (and I am a person of deep faith who has thoroughly studied the scriptures). I wish you'd write a book to share this experience. You could do it in the form of JOURNAL entries

 

[elevan]

The principal is really good about allowing plenty of time for meetings. I had several hour+ meetings with him last year. It's probably unlikely that I'd be able to get the doctor(s) to attend the meeting(s), but they have all said that they'll offer whatever is needed to help...

I've considered a book about all this as it is something that I'm sure that parents in this situation struggle with. The fact of the matter is that once you decide to support your child in this you will be their advocate in everything until they turn 18 and can do it themselves. The parent needs to be prepared to do that. And even bigger is that they need to teach their child the tools needed to stand up for and believe in themselves. A book of journal entries sounds like an excellent format for such a thing. Maybe I'll start a private blog to record my thoughts daily (and what happened) and go from there.

Right now I'm upset with my Grandma Emily. She keeps telling me that she doesn't approve and refuses to refer to K in the female sense. Though she did tell me today that she read a news article about this very thing and that it stated that parents should do as we are doing and support their kids, but that she still doesn't approve. It hurts that someone that I am so close to and love so much is against something so important to me and my family.

 

[Vickir73]

I was confused for a minute - I thought when you referred to a "kit" you were talking about a kitten, but then I couldn't figure out why they would be in a nest box. I've never heard baby rabbits called kits. too funny!!

I love my children and can't ever imagine not loving them and wanting to support them. I will always want what's best for them and will always want them to be happy whether they are boy/girl, hetero/bi, christian/atheist. I will never not love them. I also firmly believe that until we have walked in a person's shoes, we should in no way judge them. Kudos to you and your family for supporting your baby. (does it really ever matter how old they get?? they will always be our babies

I am not really looking forward to this school year. My son was diagnosed as ADHD last year and began taking medication. His kindergarten teacher was great! She monitored him and made me aware of any changes she noticed in him. This fall, his 1st grade teacher, I'm not so sure about. She and I have already butted heads over a PTO issue and we just pretty much avoided each other after that. My mother will no longer be teaching in that building, so that is a plus, but in this case, it's a minus because she won't be able to monitor the situation as easily. I am going to do my best to make sure the lines of communications remain open and I stay in close touch with her, so I'm hoping this will help. For the most part, I think teachers respect us more if they know we love our children and will help them (the teacher and the child) in anyway we can.

Kudos on your biscuits!! I'm sure they taste delicious.