Sweetened
Herd Master
I have said countless times to innumerable people: "The key to farming is going to bed having quit, and waking up a farmer."
I quit last night, and woke up jobless.
Losing kids, potentially losing dams from those same complications, putting down goats that come up inexplicably sick or dying the day after they showed no symptoms, it has all really taken its toll, and there is no one to blame but myself for decisions that get them there.
About 6 months ago, I ended a friendship with a family because I believed they were negligent and unwilling to learn from mistakes. They lost all 15 lambs born on the farm, plus bottle lambs, several ewes including one who prolapsed after FF to a 14lb ewe lamb (deceased), their goats are left in with bucks year round when weather is not condusive to it and wander, literally, 7-10 miles away from home because they are not confined in any way shape or form. Of 200 meat birds, 7 made it to butcher, their 3 pigs are STILL not butchered because they won't make weight as they are only fed hay -- they are 2.5 years old and smaller than my 6 month old oat fed pigs. My last straw with them was their great pyr's embedded collar.
And now here I sit, mulling over my last two months. Bear, one of our outdoor dogs, euthanized after getting into porcupines for the 4th or 5th time, after escaping an 8ft high kennel I had installed a topper on because he was escaping the day before, for no reason. Odin died inexplicably; I was loading hay into the buck pen and heard the most painful, horrifying bellar coming from the shed. Necropsy revealed nothing. His guts were working, his urinary tract wasn't blocked, he was full of food and water, his liver and other organs appeared fine, just as he did the day before. The only thing we could see was his ears had frost bite, and he died the day after we had the +3C to -33C overnight. Edward and Pearl died because I didn't tube them and I made the assumption they were getting enough, and last night I put a bullet in Oscar, my buck for next year, because I found him sprawled out and seizing when we went in to deal with Tootsie's teats. He was mildly dehydrated, despite having watched him drink water. He would be 8 weeks today and this morning would have been his last bottle. He wasn't growing, but was eating well and consuming water. So either I weaned him too quickly, he had that G6 gene, or something else is going on. We don't have a parasite problem this time of year, and I usually treat once when it hits 10C regularly as we end up with a flare up. I cannot figure out if it's my well water, which is not treated, but everyone around here is on the same aquafer and raises cattle and goats and so on on it.
I am tired of death. I never wanted to be that friend I walked away from because I believe if your animals suffer under your care, you must be rid of them, that THAT is your obligation: to provide a life without suffering for those in your charge. Death is part of farming, but this... this is too much. At this point, once the girls are healed from their scabs, they will all be sold and I will be out of goats, except for the pet buck Sven who has, thus far, survived my care. We will nut him and get him back to a pet -- it was our plan for next year anyway. Inside this is a catch 22. The farm is supposed to become my source of income, and without goats to provide meat (bucklings), milkers (FF doelings, trained to stand), milk (for cheese, soap and personal use), a large chunk of income is not an option. We will have a cow next month (which I'm now questioning), an older 12 year old dexter and her calf, but she cannot provide the same meat, milkers and milk turnaround a small herd of goats can. A heifer calf would be kept as a replacement for her and not produce for about 2 years -- a bull calf would be kept for meat for our family.
The towel is tossed. I don't know how to negotiate what to do when it lands.
I quit last night, and woke up jobless.
Losing kids, potentially losing dams from those same complications, putting down goats that come up inexplicably sick or dying the day after they showed no symptoms, it has all really taken its toll, and there is no one to blame but myself for decisions that get them there.
About 6 months ago, I ended a friendship with a family because I believed they were negligent and unwilling to learn from mistakes. They lost all 15 lambs born on the farm, plus bottle lambs, several ewes including one who prolapsed after FF to a 14lb ewe lamb (deceased), their goats are left in with bucks year round when weather is not condusive to it and wander, literally, 7-10 miles away from home because they are not confined in any way shape or form. Of 200 meat birds, 7 made it to butcher, their 3 pigs are STILL not butchered because they won't make weight as they are only fed hay -- they are 2.5 years old and smaller than my 6 month old oat fed pigs. My last straw with them was their great pyr's embedded collar.
And now here I sit, mulling over my last two months. Bear, one of our outdoor dogs, euthanized after getting into porcupines for the 4th or 5th time, after escaping an 8ft high kennel I had installed a topper on because he was escaping the day before, for no reason. Odin died inexplicably; I was loading hay into the buck pen and heard the most painful, horrifying bellar coming from the shed. Necropsy revealed nothing. His guts were working, his urinary tract wasn't blocked, he was full of food and water, his liver and other organs appeared fine, just as he did the day before. The only thing we could see was his ears had frost bite, and he died the day after we had the +3C to -33C overnight. Edward and Pearl died because I didn't tube them and I made the assumption they were getting enough, and last night I put a bullet in Oscar, my buck for next year, because I found him sprawled out and seizing when we went in to deal with Tootsie's teats. He was mildly dehydrated, despite having watched him drink water. He would be 8 weeks today and this morning would have been his last bottle. He wasn't growing, but was eating well and consuming water. So either I weaned him too quickly, he had that G6 gene, or something else is going on. We don't have a parasite problem this time of year, and I usually treat once when it hits 10C regularly as we end up with a flare up. I cannot figure out if it's my well water, which is not treated, but everyone around here is on the same aquafer and raises cattle and goats and so on on it.
I am tired of death. I never wanted to be that friend I walked away from because I believe if your animals suffer under your care, you must be rid of them, that THAT is your obligation: to provide a life without suffering for those in your charge. Death is part of farming, but this... this is too much. At this point, once the girls are healed from their scabs, they will all be sold and I will be out of goats, except for the pet buck Sven who has, thus far, survived my care. We will nut him and get him back to a pet -- it was our plan for next year anyway. Inside this is a catch 22. The farm is supposed to become my source of income, and without goats to provide meat (bucklings), milkers (FF doelings, trained to stand), milk (for cheese, soap and personal use), a large chunk of income is not an option. We will have a cow next month (which I'm now questioning), an older 12 year old dexter and her calf, but she cannot provide the same meat, milkers and milk turnaround a small herd of goats can. A heifer calf would be kept as a replacement for her and not produce for about 2 years -- a bull calf would be kept for meat for our family.
The towel is tossed. I don't know how to negotiate what to do when it lands.
