Feeling Guilted -- Should I be?

[WhiteMountainsRanch]

I think she looks fine, that shouldn't even be an issue.

Don't feel bad, you've worked with her long enough, obviously you guys aren't a "match".

Give her back to the rescue and move on to a better horse, there are so many of them out there!

I didn't hear your story until now, I am sorry to hear you were injured, but glad you are alive!

Don't feel discouraged or guilted, you haven't done anything wrong!

 

[taylorm17]

I think that selling her is your best option. 2 years is plenty of time to bong with a horse. You may just not of had a good enough bond with her. I would suggest the next horse you buy you get a better background check and watch someone else ride the horse before you do and before you purchase it. Hope this helped. Thank you

 

[Hardy&Healthy]

Oh, you poor dear. After what you have been through, there is absolutely no reason you should feel guilty about removing this horse from your situation! It really does sound to me like you have cared, and tried, and tried some more. The rescue is just trying to make you feel *something* - anything as to remove themselves from any responsibility and/or to avoid receiving the horse back, or being asked to return an adoption fee... Once again, NOT YOU!!!

I professionally trained horses for years. I rescued horses that had been through the gambit. I got there problems figured out, and new homes found. Every horse is different. Each horse just needs their own personal training plan. Not to sound cocky, but I had a real knack for just knowing what they needed... Like an instinct. And then "Beau" came to us.

I have now taken a break 3 times trying to tell his story... I just can't. Even just sitting here thinking about it is too much. My tears are making it hard to see the computer screen. I have never seen a soul so tortured. Never! It was like schizophrenia. Count it, break 4. The point was he just wasn't fixable. And with all my heart "I know". I know I tried everything. Everything! And there was nothing more I could do... And yet years later I am still carrying the guilt.

Please don't let the guilt impair you from doing what needs to be done. Rather you choose to try sending her to a pro trainer, sell her, give her away, take her back to the rescue, put her down, or just let her be the companion horse... After everything is said and done... Please, please, please, don't let the guilt eat away at you. And don't let it impair your ability to find enjoyment in a new equine! Please!

 

[w c]

The bottom line is that you made a bad choice to take a horse out on a trail when you knew you didn't really have full control of her. You shouldn't have done that.

My guess is that you have been correcting all the horse's problems in the wrong way, and that's why the problems have persisted for so long, not because it is a bad horse. Most of the time it isn't a bad horse at all. It's that the owner won't get appropriate instruction and won't keep the horse in a routine that works for that horse.

I think the rescue group was wrong...it is not that you won't 'work with' the horse, but that you won't get appropriate help -instruction, and that you keep taking the doggone horse out on trail when you already know you don't have full control of her.

You're like many people who assume they know it all and just won't get help - unless it's free from people who have never even seen the horse or how you ride. And it always comes to the same bad end. And it's not about to be solved by getting another horse. You need to work smarter and work harder and learn to ride and handle horses better...AND make better decisions. DO NOT go out on trail when you have as many behavior problems with a horse as you do with this one! Stay in your yard, get instruction, ride in a fenced area, and put some effort into it!

And so now the horse is bad and you don't want the horse any more, and it's all because it's a bad horse. And you'll get plenty of people in the internet to agree with you because they do the same danged thing.

No. You have made many mistakes and have asked for a lot of free advice from people who have never even seen the horse, rather than getting an instructor to come over and show you how to train the horse correctly. And it's always the horse that gets blamed, rather than putting the blame where it lies - squarely on your own shoulders.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, but all good horsemen and horsewomen eventually have to swallow that pill and we all have done stupid things and made wrong choices, myself included, but I had a mentor as a kid, who would go upside my head if I tried to blame my horse for my wrong choices. You need to stop blaming the horse and start taking responsibility yourself, for the choices you make. Bad choices.

Make different choices, and suddenly things become a lot better.

Indeed you may need to have a professional retrain this horse at this point as it has been let go for so long and the horse has had a really bad accident, but many horses can be fixed if the rider gets decent instruction and works at it.

So sure. Send the horse back. Yes you should feel guilty - the accident was due to your bad choices . Evidently you've NEVER had any supervision since no decent insructor would EVER have let you ride on trail the way things are going and most people would hear that and respect it and follow it the rest of their lives.

But that's how horse people learn. And that's how the get sense. Or they quit. Or they get killed.

You got off real easy this time, you were a very, very lucky person. I wouldn't count on it happening twice. The Patron Saint of Horses usually gives you only one freebie. Don't know if you were wearing a helmet but it would be a good idea to get a helmet and wear it when you ride.

Bottom line? Having trouble with basic horse control? Stay off the trails, stay in a fenced area, get instruction. Get an instructor. If he/she says the horse is inappropriate for you or ruined from lack of proper training, get an appropriate horse, sell that one with full disclosure or prepare to knuckle down and get some good instruction and work at it. make sure you get someone who doesn't have you just lope a few circles in the ring and then send you back out on the trail again...you need horse control exercises.

 

[treeclimber233]

Wow WC. What unbelievable poppycock!!!! You don't know anything about Warrior's riding skill (I don't either) but to blame her for the horse acting like a total idiot .....wow. I have a horse that loses her mind sometimes too. There is no reason at all that I can see but she gets wild-eyed and totally freaked out sometimes. I have never ridden her because I believe she is unsafe (mentally unbalanced) and I know she would hurt me without caring. I also had a pony when I was growing up that would get very upset if I fell off (which happens sometimes with horses. It is a dangerous sport). He had a totally different mindset than the mare I have now. If I fell off him he would stop and come back to me. My mare would come back too--probably to stomp me into the ground. You can't blame a rider for a mentally unbalanced horse. Warrior has no reason to feel guilty about wanting to get rid of this horse. There are plenty of good horses out there. If I ever get rid of my mare I will get her put down because I would not want to take the chance she will hurt someone else. Most people don't listen when you tell them a horse is unmanageable because they think you don't know what YOU are talking about. They are positive they know better and they can do it. Here is a challenge for you-- If you think it is the handler and not the horse come get mine and train her. If you survive I will pay you

 

[Bitterroot]

Yikes. Sky, don't feel bad. I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts this is the same "rescue" I had dealings with last year. My acreage has been sitting fallow, and I wanted to loan it to them for pasture for rescue horses. Only caveat I had was that someone would need to come help me repair the leaky roof in the lean-to (I have no help to do it but can afford the materials), and they'd need to send volunteers out to check the fence to make sure it was up to par for them. Three appointments made for them to come out, and three appointments they blew off while I sat here waiting for them. The last time, I found out their head honcho was out with our neighbor having lunch when she was supposed to be over here chatting with me. I told 'em talk a long walk off a short pier when they called up late one evening and asked if they could just bring over and basically dump two animals without ever having looked at the property. No thanks, last time I attempted to do anything nice, and I sure wouldn't deal with them if I ever decide I want a horse. No one likes wishy washy flake types.

Hope by now your mare has been rehomed to someone who can figure her out, and you're feeling better. I can't even imagine how much recovery time that takes!

 

[MDres]

I've got to partially agree with w c. As a horse owner and rider, NONE of us should ever stop learning and being open to suggestions. We should never dismiss someone else's advice as "poppy cock". I'm not saying you should take everyone at their word and follow it to a T, but as a rider and owner, you REALLY REALLY need to think over every suggestion you are given, and see if it applies to you, your situation, and your horse. Sometimes we forget we are dealing with animals that outweigh us by 1000 lbs or more - prey animals with an inherent flight reflex.

I have had horses for my entire life - going on 4 decades - and I still do not dismiss any suggestion I am given. I am not sure anyone can boast having experienced everything when it comes to horses, no one knows it all. Becoming the best rider and owner possible means you glean every bit of info you can from every source possible.

I think I had suggested to Sky Warrior in a previous post that she may have needed to look into how her saddle fits.

The constant "bubble gum chewing" that her mare was doing CAN be a symptom of pain due to a poor fitting saddle. Some horses are uber stoic, and will tolerate the pain as long as possible. Others will try to "speak" to us in the only way they no how, and we need to be open to picking up on those clues and LISTENING and finding a reason for the behavior.

Could the saddle fit have been an issue - who knows - I have no clue. But, I sure as heck wouldn't have just said "it fits fine" and left it at that. I would have looked into it. It doesn't have to cost money - there are LOTS of really good saddle-fitting videos on you-tube. And if you do want to spend money, there are professional saddle fitters available. Lots of people don't realize that there are a ton of minute teeny-tiny aspects to proper saddle fit, and if one of them is off, it can really p*ss some horses off to the point they react violently.

 

[w c]

LOL. Nobody likes hearing the truth. This was a VERY severe accident that could have killed this girl, but we're all supposed to pretend it wasn't about poor judgment when it was; we're all supposed to cuddle her ego and tell her not to feel guilty too. Sorry, I prefer the truth. Hearing the truth is the only way people are going to learn to be safer and make better choices.

In fact, most accidents with horses are caused by bad judgment. Experienced people may be in a hurry and cut corners, less experienced people do unsafe things, either without knowing they're unsafe, or without respecting the people who tell them not to do such things.

The idea that the trail is the place for an inexperienced rider and poorly trained horse to work out their troubles, it's just wrong.

It was caused by bad judgment. No, do NOT take a horse out on trail if you're having as many problems as you're having with this horse. Stay in your yard, ride in a fenced area, gate shut and latched, and get riding lessons - to try and keep them from 'detraining' the horse.

It might have been a bad fitting saddle, and a fresh horse and a badly fitted saddle are a VERY bad combination...but this one didn't even sound like the horse was fresh. Just zero control, and due to problems the rider knew very well, were going on.

With many riders, the main problem is that people just don't ride often enough or have enough of a plan when they do. The horse is simply too fresh and starts acting up on the trail. And the training on the horse deteriorates over time because it's not reinforced constantly. That's why most people need riding lessons.

Often the tendency is to just ride when and where one feels like it, and that just doesn't lead to well trained horses OR safe rides.

This horse was a rescue, and quite often, the training on these horses has already been messed up, or was never actually done in the first place, and that's why the horse is a rescue in the first place.

It does no good to 'work with the horse', as the rescue said, unless the person 1.) exhibits good judgment while doing so 2.) either has the experience to do it himself or 3.) gets riding lessons.

I have no idea why so many people resist the idea of lessons. You'd think they're all Olympians the way they get bent out of shape when they're told to get some lessons. But in fact, it's not an apt comparison as most Olympians not only get riding lessons, they're 100% open to the fact that if something goes wrong, it's because of something they did, not due to a 'bad horse'. They get where they are, by taking responsibility for things. I learned this lesson when I was 7 years old, because I was TOLD 'they go how they are rode' and to take full responsibility for what goes wrong as being my doing.

Some rescues are just good old boys who nobody wants any more, or ex-show horses. They may be broke to death and never give a single problem.

Or not. These days people are dumping the good AND the bad ones. But very often, it's the inexperience and lack of help of the person who gets the horse, not that the horse is actually 'bad'.

In fact, most horses' training deteriorates if it's not kept up with. Most riders, in fact, aren't skilled enough to deal with spooking, bucking and such stuff, on their own. They need instruction and guidance.

But taking a horse out on trail when you have as many problems as this lady had, that's just not a smart idea.

People who take on rescue horses need to be prepared that there might be problems. They need to be prepared to take lessons, stay in the paddock til they really have control of the horse, and sometimes, when it's obvious that they can't control the horse, they need to send the horse back to the rescue organization and admit they're in over their heads.