Jokes and Fun!

[AmberLops]

There was an elderly woman whose husband of 40yrs, had passed a year or so ago, and she was feeling lonely....she decided to go to the nearby pet shop and find a pet for company....she walked in and the man there greeted her...."how are you today Mrs Martin?"......"just fine, thank you, and you?"...she replied....."what can I help ya with"....."well, as ya know Harvey passed and I'm lonely, so I was something to keep me company".....as the man was thinking, she spotted a beautiful parrot on a perch and asked the man how much he wanted for the bird....."now Mrs Martin, I know ya are a nice church going woman, and that bird use to belong to a sailor and he has learned some words that ya wouldn't want to hear....I have some parakeets here and will sell ya 2 for the price of one".....she replied, "it will be just fine...I'll take this one"....."I'll tell ya what I'll do....you take him home with ya and if there is any problem....any problem at all and I'll take him back and return your money"....."sounds good", said Mrs Martin....so, she gets home and sets up the cage and perch and tells the bird...."look, I will not have any cussing in my house...I'm a God fearing woman and won't stand for it"....to which the bird replied...."Auk!...*itch ya ain't sh1t".....I'm telling ya right now to stop that or evey time ya cuss ya will be put in the fridge for 5mins....."Auk!!....*itch ya ain't sh1t".....okay, I warned ya....so, after 5mins she takes bim out and places him on the perch...feathers fluffed out a little, I mean it...no more cussing...."Auk!!...*itch ya ain't sh1t"....okay, now it is 10mins....so, this continued til the parrot was in ther for 20mins....she goes and gets him out, places him on the perch.....feathers fully ruffled, eyes halfway shut, and gives a few shakes....."Auk!!....just 1 question"....Mrs Martin is thinking, well we are making progress, at least he isn't cussing....okay, what is the question...."Auk!!....what the He// did the damn Turkey do?".....

Ha ha ha!

 

[RollingAcres]

Bahahahahaa!!!

 

[AmberLops]

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got 6 months!

 

[AmberLops]

What does a nut say when it sneezes?

Cashew

I can't help but think these corny jokes are funny!

 

[HomesteaderWife]

It eventually sold....but I had a laugh seeing this at an antique store back in 2017. I just stumbled back on the pictures while looking through my photo collection:

"Vintage Nautical Decor"

 

[thistlebloom]

It eventually sold....but I had a laugh seeing this at an antique store back in 2017. I just stumbled back on the pictures while looking through my photo collection:

"Vintage Nautical Decor"

View attachment 67690

Of course! They are used when riding Sea-horses!

 

[AmberLops]

Oh my! That's pretty funny
Did you say anything?? It would be hard for me not to!

 

[HomesteaderWife]

@AmberLops - Honestly I did not! It's a giant flea market where people leave their stuff in the booths and the place the size of Walmart has like two people running the checkout counter. I walked past and was like - Oh, someone is selling their old bit to be farmhouse decor...how much are they trying to get for it? Wait....wait....nautical?
Had a great laugh with the family and went on browsing in other booths hah!

 

[farmerjan]

Why can't witches have babies ?

Cuz their husbands have Halloweenies

I practically fell out of the chair over that one.

 

[farmerjan]

Not a joke, but a few words for thought...
Worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.