Lost a beautiful doe Friday night. :(

[cmjust0]

Thanks, kimmy. Super helpful, especially right now.

 

[kimmyh]

Helpful is exactly what I HAD been trying to be, but that is not what you wanted, no problem.

 

[lilhill]

Well, we buried the doe last night. Couldn't figure out if we wanted to send her to the diagnostic lab and let them tell us she died of parasites -- which is what they rubberstamp ALL dead goats, apparently -- or have her cremated. Cremation is expensive, and frankly, we were a little weirded out by the idea that we might get back a few grams of someone's poodle and that a few grams of her would go on to the next person..

So, we buried her.. She'd grown into such a beautifully long, tall goat that it took a really long time to get a suitable grave completed. Ended up being 4'Lx3'Wx3'D, and we're going to build a raised bed flower garden over it to get her at least 4' deep.

It was pretty chilly outside last night, so the deep clay felt warm in my hands. Oddly, that made my wife and I feel a little better...to know that when it's freezing cold, she'll be warm, and when it's scorching hot, she'll be cool.

My wife helped to dig, and to cover. I know it always helps me toward closure and peace to personally dig the grave for something I've loved and lost... She was pretty adament about doing her part of the work, so I get the sense that she probably got something out of it as well.. I hope so, anyway.

But all the other goats seem OK so far, and we're so thankful for that. No more scours (knock on wood).. Eating, drinking, and being goofy, for the most part. The lost doe's full sister seems a little...lost, I guess, from time to time. Their mama's out there and they all three laid together quite a bit, but she and her sister were bottle raised and bonded to us and each other more than anyone else. It's heartbreaking because, every now and again, she'll take a break from foraging and just look up and scan around...I'm sure she's looking to see where her sister might be..

The whole situation just sucks.

Thank you all for the kind words. It helps.

Yes, it does suck when you work so hard to solve the puzzle and save their lives and it's still not enough. Sometimes, no matter what we do, we lose them. And that's the really, really tough part. My heart hurts for you and your family over your loss.

 

[cmjust0]

Helpful is exactly what I HAD been trying to be, but that is not what you wanted, no problem.

Kimmy...just because your suggestions of new pasture, coccidiosis, feed contaminants, and giardia as possible culprits didn't set off any light bulbs or give me an "AHA!" moment doesn't mean I specifically set out to dismiss your ideas just because they were your ideas..

I promise, I didn't..

It's just that I've gone over this a million times in my own head.. Everything you suggested, I'd already considered at some point, and not because I think I "know it all" either...indeed, I feel like a real failure right now. I considered those things among many, many others simply because I'm absolutely heartsick over the whole situation and I can't help but think about it from every angle I can imagine.. I can't help but think of every possible thing I could have done better or differently to have saved this doe, and wonder if it would have worked for her, or would work for someone else in the unfortunate event that this thing rears its nasty head again..

Maybe you're wondering why I'd even post if I had already considered things and come to certain conclusions about what happened.....

Well, it's because I wanted to talk. I'm human, and I'm hurting and sad, and I just wanted to tell the story.

Sometimes people just do that, kimmy..

 

[cmjust0]

Yes, it does suck when you work so hard to solve the puzzle and save their lives and it's still not enough. Sometimes, no matter what we do, we lose them. And that's the really, really tough part. My heart hurts for you and your family over your loss.

Thank you.

 

[Roll farms]

I'm so sorry about the doe.
Been there, blamed myself, and spent many a long night in a cold barn w/a doe's head in my lap...I totally understand how useless and helpless it can make you feel.
Find comfort in the fact that you did all you could, based on what you knew....You didn't fail that doe in any way.

 

[cmjust0]

I'm so sorry about the doe.
Been there, blamed myself, and spent many a long night in a cold barn w/a doe's head in my lap...I totally understand how useless and helpless it can make you feel.
Find comfort in the fact that you did all you could, based on what you knew....You didn't fail that doe in any way.

Thanks.. I hope neither of us will ever have to do that ever again.

 

[kimmyh]

I asked questions, you had no way to know where I was going with my questions. But, apparently you took offense-how sad. Any feed can have salmonella, no matter the mfg company, ANY company can have that problem. The two goats that died could have died from separate issues, there is no way too tell without a necropsy, that is where I was headed, looking for individual issues, but again, I was confused. I should have just said, sometimes it is not meant too be, that is clearly what you wanted, no help, just sympathy.

 

[cmjust0]

I asked questions, you had no way to know where I was going with my questions. But, apparently you took offense-how sad. Any feed can have salmonella, no matter the mfg company, ANY company can have that problem. The two goats that died could have died from separate issues, there is no way too tell without a necropsy, that is where I was headed, looking for individual issues, but again, I was confused. I should have just said, sometimes it is not meant too be, that is clearly what you wanted, no help, just sympathy.

It's true that had I been looking for help identifying the disease, I'd probably have posted it under "Diseases," titled it as a question, and asked for suggestions. So you're right in your conclusion that I wasn't looking for help with the disease part of the dilemma.

I wasn't simply fishing for sympathy, however.. To suggest I was after sympathy alone is to suggest pure narcissism to have been my motive in starting the thread. That's just not the case, though, because run of the mill sympathy wouldn't have made me feel any less guilty and, at the end of the day, I started the thread to maybe help me feel less guilty. I guess I wanted to explain to people what had happened and what I'd done to try and fix it in the hopes that other people would come along and validate that I'd done everything within my power to save her.

Is that a wrong thing to do? Maybe. I dunno. It didn't feel wrong before I broke it down and analyzed it...felt kinda like a normal thing for a hurt person to feel compelled to do...but, yeah, I guess it seems kinda selfish now that I break it down.

So, if you need to call it something -- to call me something -- call me selfish. I think it's probably more accurate than trying to label me a narcissist, at least.

And if you really want to hurt me (which is what I kinda think you're shooting for at this point) then you should probably tell me that I should have done more and that it really is my fault that my doe's dead. I'm not completely convinced that it's not yet, so there's still a golden opportunity for you to water that seed of doubt and really get it growing within my heart.

Just a suggestion.

Oh, one more thing.. As far as doing a necropsy on the second sick goat, I'd have to shoot him first, so I think I'll decline.

In case you missed it from the very first post, he came back around after a second round of a different antibiotic drench, which is what solidified -- in my mind, and my vet's mind -- that we had indeed been dealing with a bacterial gut infection....which is, in large part, why I didn't ask for any opinions or suggestions to help me identify the disease itself.

In your defense, though...it was a really long first post and a lot of that became a bit more clear toward the bottom.... :/

 

[kimmyh]

I have not, and continue to not try to label you or this thread. I have taken the high road and repeatedly said I SHOULD have figured out where you were coming from.

As to the part about he got better, yes I read that part, and indeed that is where my comment about treating with DiMethox for a single treatment came from. It was not an accusation, it was a warning to all who might read this thread, because treating with a sulfa drug/antibiotic when not used properly can lead to more resistant bacteria. Clearly, your goat did not live long enough for that to be an issue in this case.

All of this conversation between the two of us will not help your grieving, or other feelings. It is, I believe a diversion-a way for you to lash out at someone, whoever that might be. It is unfortunate for me, as I was coming from a place of compassion in the beginning, I am now in a place of frustration. I'll get over it, but further back on forth on both of our parts seems childish, and I'm done.