Misfitmorgan's Journal - That Summer Dust

[CntryBoy777]

Oh MM..........that is really difficult news to deal with, especially with everything else that has taken place.....I understand your position and the need to be "sidelined" for a while as things are sorted out and dealt with.....if we can do anything for ya just let us know.....our thoughts and prayers are certainly with ya.....hope ya can find comfort, strength, and peace as things progress.....

 

[promiseacres]

so very sorry

 

[Bruce]

I am SO sorry! Really heavy burden to bear and you've been doing it month after month after month. Please take care of yourselves, I wish there was something I could do to help.

 

[farmerjan]

@misfitmorgan ; I am sorry for all the difficulties in your life. I can in one way understand your mom but also have a hard time in another way because she has hurt and is continuing to hurt all that love her. There are no easy answers for you. Her refusing treatments and tests has basically signed her own death warrant and it is very unfair that you are having to hurt and take it on the chin because of her decisions. I am thinking that she may have had the idea that if she didn't "acknowledge it" it would go away.... ignorance is bliss? Since at this point it doesn't sound like there is any hope for a better prognosis, the only thing I can say is I am truly sorry for you. The situation with your SIL sounds like it is more sudden and that she is trying to find a way to stop it and get better. My prayers for her.
I think that your animals are one of your "safety valves" as far as being able to go "lose yourself" and put aside the stresses for a little bit when you are with the animals. However, they also may be contributing to your stress due to your not being able to do for them the way they need and that you want and have planned to do. It is always hard, but maybe you need to step back from some of it? I know that one time I had to make the decision to sell off most of my stuff, and it was the hardest decision, but in the long run it was the best thing I could do. It turned out to be the right thing and made it easier for me to address the issues that were more pressing. Then when I was able to get back into it, I also could do things better and right for both me and the animals. It might be the better thing for you to downsize a bit for the time being, and be able to cope with everything else.
I certainly am not trying to tell you what to do. Just making a suggestion from someone who has had to make difficult decisions, and felt the relief when there were less burdens requiring my time and energy.
Regardless of what you do, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

 

[Baymule]

I cannot speak for your Mother. Was/is her decisions not to have treatment right or wrong? I don't have the answer. I wish I did. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you that everything will be ok, but we both know it isn't ok. For her sake, I hope the pain can be controlled.

What a swirl of emotions. I know you love your Mom and her decisions have to be very hard for you. My Mom was 92 when she died, my husband and I were with her, holding her hand, as she left us. It hit me like a brick that I was now the "old" generation. I was alone, both my parents were gone. I am a lot older than you and it hurt for my Mom to be gone. I can only imagine what it must be like for you.

If you need to vent, shout, cry or whatever, feel free to PM me. I will listen.

 

[B&B Happy goats]

MM as a end of life caregiver, retired, i worked along side and with hospice... in many states as i traveled to where i was needed....please may i say in the kindest of way , from the bottom of my heart...that although the treatments she has refused, and the on going tests.......she will have better quality of life ...rather than going through all the treatments for the same ending...please consider hospice care, ....pallative care is comfort care so she can Live her time comfortably......chemo, radiation is really hard to bare....then most peope get all happy when the dr says they are in remission....then boom...its back. ....Your mom made the same choice that i would make in her situation..love her for being strong enough to take the right path for herself on this journy. I understand its confusing, i understand your upset with her choices......i know your heart is breaking , we are all her for you....take care of yourself also, you need your stregnth too barbara

 

[Wehner Homestead]

I wish I could hug you in person! That’s a lot to deal with at once. I know you feel like it’s one hit after another but I pray things turn around soon. We appreciate you updating us! I may post once in awhile to let you know you’ve been on my mind.

 

[misfitmorgan]

Thank you all for your kind comments and understanding.

@misfitmorgan ;
It is always hard, but maybe you need to step back from some of it?

We have been discussing lightening the animal load for now. We have not decided on anything definite other then getting rid of the "extra" animals.
Pink pig aka Laverne needs to go she is scheduled to be butchered but it keeps getting put off.
We have the runt ram lamb and the little buck that needs to be butchered.
Mrs Pig the pot-belly pig is scheduled to go down the road or be butchered by our friend
We may put Sarah's gilt that we kept back for a breeder up for sale.
I already have 310s ram lamb and the bottle ram lamb listed for sale.

MM as a end of life caregiver, retired, i worked along side and with hospice... in many states as i traveled to where i was needed....please may i say in the kindest of way , from the bottom of my heart...that although the treatments she has refused, and the on going tests.......she will have better quality of life ...rather than going through all the treatments for the same ending...please consider hospice care, ....pallative care is comfort care so she can Live her time comfortably......chemo, radiation is really hard to bare....then most peope get all happy when the dr says they are in remission....then boom...its back. ....Your mom made the same choice that i would make in her situation..love her for being strong enough to take the right path for herself on this journy. I understand its confusing, i understand your upset with her choices......i know your heart is breaking , we are all her for you....take care of yourself also, you need your stregnth too barbara

My mother has worked in nursing homes for almost 30yrs, she has seen first hand what chemo and radiation does to people esp after many rounds. Mom has refused hospice care for now(and forever really) I promised my mother many years ago that when the time came and she needed that kind of help I would take care of her so she will get little to no hospice care and she will never go into a nursing home. I helped my mother take care of my grandma during the end of her life as well with minimal hospice care. For now she is still able to take care of herself and isnt in to much pain. Since they legalized Marijuana here in michigan she has been using RSO oil, she said it really is one of the only things that cuts down the pain level efficiently...even better then the pain meds they gave her.I do understand my mothers decision on my logical side I have seen people go thru chemo and radiation, I know what it does. My step-mother did many rounds of chemo and went from a healthy appearing 5'8" 152lb woman to 87lbs on her death bed by the time she was done with chemo rounds over the course of 5yrs and the doctors were trying to get her to do another round of chemo. So logically yes I get it, emotionally it's makes me mad because it feels like she isnt trying to fight it with "proven" medicine and I don't want to lose my mom ever let alone when i am only 35yrs old.

 

[misfitmorgan]

In other news Oreo seems to be not doing well. We do not know if she ate something she shouldnt have or what. Her famcha and weight seem fine but she appears weak and has scours. DH moved her into a stall in the barn, she is still eating but we really can't figure out what is wrong with her.

 

[B&B Happy goats]

You are a amazing young woman, my heart goes out to you