newton's the goats journal

[Bruce]

He was one of the people i was most looking forward to meeting on my trip. Not that im not excited to meet everyone all the same.

I understand, I can handle not being first on the list He was first on my list as well. Very likely because I knew him from BYC well before I joined BYH so he is, by far, the person I've known the longest of all the people here that I greatly admire.

 

[newton the goat]

I understand, I can handle not being first on the list He was first on my list as well. Very likely because I knew him from BYC well before I joined BYH so he is, by far, the person I've known the longest of all the people here that I greatly admire.

Oh bruce it wasnt like i said he was the only one i was looking forward to meeting lmfao you and baymule and a few other are all on equal standing on my list ... just i guess i regret not being able to meet him irl

 

[Bruce]

I never suggest any such thing! I regret that I'll never meet him as well. I don't know that I would ever have gotten down to Texas but as long as we are alive there is always a chance. At one time there was a possibility that his daughter would be having some testing done at Dartmouth Hitchcock just over the river in New Hampshire. 2 hours from here. It didn't happen but I was all set to drive to Manchester NH, another hour out to pick him up at the airport and take him to the hospital. Sure, he could rent a car and drive himself but I wouldn't have missed the chance if he were that close.

 

[Baymule]

Im glad that i have you guys....

We're glad that we have YOU.

 

[newton the goat]

I wouldn't have missed the chance if he were that close.

I wouldnt have either. I wish i had started planning this trip sooner and maybe left earlier this year. I get saying pointless things like "i wish i had done this differently etc" are kind of pointless now that its too late but i have so many 'what ifs' and 'coulda,shoulda, woulda' running through my head its giving me a migraine

We're glad that we have YOU.

This group is probably the best thing ive joined for years. Everyone on here who has read and commented on my journal are special to me even if i havent spoken with them irl. Esspecially The group of you that was there when i first started on here. Ive relied on all your opinions for years and i honestly could not have asked for a better bunch of people. And i guess losing latestarter almost feels like losing a family member at this point. Idk if it seems like im being over dramatic and honestly if i am im sorry but its hard.... he is the third person ive lost this month and honestly my heart is hurting pretty bad right now. I wish i could be out there with you all right now. But sadly i cant yet. Thank you for everything so far @Baymule ... my sincere condolences to everyone who was even closer to him than i was i know we are all mourning his loss and i hope i can be part of that.

 

[Baymule]

I wouldnt have either. I wish i had started planning this trip sooner and maybe left earlier this year. I get saying pointless things like "i wish i had done this differently etc" are kind of pointless now that its too late but i have so many 'what ifs' and 'coulda,shoulda, woulda' running through my head its giving me a migraine

Now how could you have planned this trip any sooner, when we just came up with the idea of it? Stop with the coulda, woulda, shoulda crap. And stop with the what if. I am going to give you some solid advice for life. So many people run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, imagining so many what if scenarios.

Here is your advice, Life is not about "what if", Life is about WHAT IS.

Don't ever beat yourself up again with what if. Sometimes life just backs up and dumps all over you. You can dither about, wringing your hands about "what if" I was standing over there, instead of here.....or you can deal with "what is" and start cleaning up the mess. Some things in life are beyond your control and all the "what ifs" in the world will not change a thing. Deal with something the best you can, what you can't deal with, kick it up to God and let him deal with it. Don't let "what if" steal your peace of mind.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

Good advice very well put!

 

[newton the goat]

Now how could you have planned this trip any sooner, when we just came up with the idea of it? Stop with the coulda, woulda, shoulda crap. And stop with the what if. I am going to give you some solid advice for life. So many people run around like a chicken with it's head cut off, imagining so many what if scenarios.

Here is your advice, Life is not about "what if", Life is about WHAT IS.

Don't ever beat yourself up again with what if. Sometimes life just backs up and dumps all over you. You can dither about, wringing your hands about "what if" I was standing over there, instead of here.....or you can deal with "what is" and start cleaning up the mess. Some things in life are beyond your control and all the "what ifs" in the world will not change a thing. Deal with something the best you can, what you can't deal with, kick it up to God and let him deal with it. Don't let "what if" steal your peace of mind.

Thank you @Baymule ive been bad for that state of mind recently and im working hard to get out of it. I wont let what if steal my mind. Overall im thankful you gave me the idea for the plan. I guess the 'what is' is really the only thing i have control over atm . Im thankful for thetime ive had with latestarter and my other friends and thats all i could ask for. Its hard breaking the habbit of being a negative nellie

 

[Bruce]

I am going to give you some solid advice for life.

And you better take it or she's gonna whup ya!

Its hard breaking the habit of being a negative nellie

When you get kicked it is hard to just pop back up. Takes some time to sort it out and get back on track. You've been doing that a lot lately and it piles up. I'm 40+ years older than you, I have a whole lot more shoulda coulda wouldas and I'm sure all the rest of the old folks here do too. When I'm feeling like it's one too many, I channel my friend @CntryBoy777. That man can make lemonade out of a dried up orange peel. If he can carry on, I can, his trials are far harder than mine.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses, I don't think you've talked about the others.

 

[newton the goat]

@CntryBoy777. That man can make lemonade out of a dried up orange peel.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses, I don't think you've talked about the others.

First of all that sounds like some very interesting lemonade
second of all i havent talked about them on here.. i felt i was already being too negative and second guessed posting about them. Both were fairly close to home. One being a neighboor ive known for the past 7 years who fell down the stairs and broke his shoulder but seemed to be on the road to recovery... the cause of his death itself isnt the more clear when it come to what actually happend. And the other was my cousins grandpa who had been on his way out for the past 8 years and finally lost his battle a few weeks back.
Lets just stick with life is fully kicking my ass this year only 2 months in

But its not like i cant see the good. This year i have gotten to see my friends more than any year after high school. I get to meet all of you later this year. And my lambing season has been extremely suscessful besides 3/4 being rams,we are finally down to our last ewe. My head chef at my workplace also let me pick and make the feature desert which is a high honor. And last of all ive turned 20. So life isnt entirely horrible. Just at times it seems overwhelmingly negative.