rachels.haven's Journal

[rachels.haven]

Yeah, I think eye issues are more common than we think. The brain compensates amazingly well most of the time so many people don't even know, others do but get along fine. DH has eye issues that run in the family, but not many consistent ones. The man makes up for it by memorizing 2+ hours of complex piano music in a few weeks of time when he feels like it. Not something my brain would want to do. The wanting to do all the driving is probably the results of the little quirks that occur while riding in the car while the driver has limited depth perception. As far as I can tell it's safe, but different than I (and most people) would drive.

And yes, we all have different types of intelligence and I feel like our marriage brings it home for me. Though I do have to work at it to be as "perfect" as I want I do well in the academic and knowledge sphere and have never struggled or wanted more out of myself in that regard, but he does leagues better without trying. He reads wikipedia and has a snap trap memory for facts, dates, formulas, and figures. I do better intuitively with the applied stuff than he does and my spatial intelligence is a little easier to access when I need it and he has to struggle and work through or let me help.

He also has more emotional intelligence than I do though...like, a lot more. He "fixes" the crying kids after I make them cry when I wouldn't know where to start. I always feel a few holes short of a doughnut on that level. I'm glad he likes me, because I'm a real potato a lot of the time and probably a russett too-brown, bumpy, plain, starchy.

Life is better with him and the contrast. Plus, he's good humored, has no malice, and is well aware of his short fallings and strengths so he won't and can't let it get to his head.

He will never join the cult of the tractor or car repair though. The poor guy can't stand it when mechanical things break.

 

[Bruce]

Cannot imagine how you managed @Bruce for so long

Not so hard when you don't know any different I'm sure it is harder for someone who loses sight in one eye as an adult. I didn't even know most of the world saw things differently than I do until my mother mentioned that she was sad I didn't (when I was a teen). And I didn't understand what 3D looked like to people until I read Dr. Susan Barry's "Fixing My Gaze". She gained depth perception about 20 years ago and described some of how things looked different to her. Thus I can intellectually understand it even though I can't experience it.

There are ways to compensate, one being touch. You know you are too close to the car in front when you touch it JUST KIDDING. But if you can see the rear bumper you can't hit it, right? But that is how I get a screwdriver into a screw. Overlap is another as is knowing the actual size of objects. I think that depth perception is good for about 15' so "normal" people judge the visual world using all sorts of indicators just the same way I do.

 

[rachels.haven]

Losing vision quickly as an adult apparently felt like the world was quickly getting darker and smaller but not quite being able to put his finger on why. It started when we were dating and he was diagnosed about a year to two years after we got married when I finally got him to go in for a checkup (normal Dr. rapidly got him into a specialist, next day if I remember right). Turned out it was permanent, but there is life after permanent vision loss, even if the amount of it is a large percentage. The adjusting and coping with reality part took the longest and understandingly enough it sent him into a small depression and made him feel very mortal for a long time. It's scary to not be yet 30 and find out that ground lost can not be regained and is difficult to control, one could wake up blind tomorrow, or even if he's lucky not be able to see the kids graduate from high school. He still has moments, like now when he's over due for an appt and we're all getting allergies from the fall which are making his eyes act up, but he's coping well. We all forget about it for long periods of time and his brain will fill in the gaps with random stuff normally and flashes of light or dark when he's tired (or occasionally giving up and showing voids, which probably terrify him most of all). I think he's still got 30-40% left, and it's mostly in the shape of a car windshield or computer monitor, so he maintains his independence and his life stays the same (kids hide from him by dropping down and laying on the floor, for instance, and he doesn't like going grocery shopping when there are directional arrows suspended from the ceiling at random places and people ready to harass you for violations).
His pupils tend to stay dilated too, making his eyes adjust to changes from light and dark poorly adding insult to injury, but he's ALWAYS had that issue and no one really knows why. I get the pleasure of holding his hand/arm and making sure he doesn't trip or walk into things when we go into dimly buildings from outdoor light levels. *I'm just being clingy, honest!*

Moral of the story, I guess is, if you feel like somethings changed about your vision RUN to the eye doctor because eyes are screwy and not totally understood and much can not be recovered. And you need those suckers.

Me, I'm lucky in my health. I have some minor heart issues, but the doctors here decided to back off on the autoimmune diagnosis after more looking into things, so I'm hoping to be around as long as he is so I can make sure that whatever vision level he's got, he can adjust to it as smoothly as possible, be looked after as strictly necessary, and maintain as much independence as possible if things get bad (and I'm turning 30 this year, and he's only a few years older than me, but sometimes...).

But yes, no roofs or ladders if I can help it for DH, which can be hard sometimes because he is a man and roofing is one physical skill he DID excel at once he learned and that's a shame. He's good at shed building too-very mathy.

Come to think of it, it might be a little late to take him to a place with a big sky to look at the stars, but that's okay. I'll probably take him on a bike-camping fishing trip instead. At this point I refuse to ride a tandem bike though, so he'd better not go blind before I get to taking him-too much like getting pushed down a hill out of control and I'd rather follow him than be pushed down a hill.

 

[farmerjan]

Bless you for your support, and love and acceptance.
I hope that it stays status quo for a LONG TIME.... to a wonderful wife !!!!! YOU !!!!!!

 

[Baymule]

And that is why marriage is such a blessing. Someone to fill in the gaps where we fall short and need that special someone in our lives. A true partnership in every sense of the word.

 

[Senile_Texas_Aggie]

Miss @rachels.haven,

You are truly a blessing to your husband, your kids, and to the world! Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Senile Texas Aggie

 

[rachels.haven]

Thanks. I'm giving it my best shot. I just wish I/they could stop the vision loss or reverse it. Eyes are hard! Plus, he's better at photography than I am. WHO would set up and take the family pictures if he can't see? Or do the decorating in the house?

 

[rachels.haven]

2 barn cat kittens brought home and in a 54" crate in the kitchen today.
Also brought home over 100lbs of goat meat from the processor.

One negative, Avalon went at me today so I flipped/tipped her. She bleated like she was shocked and I held her down until she gave up and she laid there panting...BUT she got up and tossed her (invisible) horns at me as soon as she was out of reach...but was still more respectful as I went though the rest of chores with her. Ava is not herd queen material. She will give in, but she will test EVERYTHING hard over and over. Being with the large goats is good for her, but she hasn't been in with the lamanchas for a month or two for breeding pens so she's too big for her britches and second in command currently (Atlas attempted to breed Summer yesterday, and definitely bred Lace today so we're almost done with only Emi left to cycle). After this kidding I will pull any babies of Ava sell her. I am done. Any kids with that attitude will go. I may sell Sugar her daughter at the same time, and Ginger is already gone. Her last daughter, Lavender is tiny, but is slightly milder mannered so consider her under evaluation. They all need to be split up in a new herd that will tolerate no crap from the new goat. None have what it takes to be "queen" goat. They are just upper middle level snots. If they were standard goats they'd all be gone by now (or back, vacuum backed in those boxes).

I did not love her up as the guy suggests in the video. There will be a round two since she tossed her head. No more biting, butting, or pushing from her will be tolerated though. The dwarves will start kidding around Christmas. Hopefully she got bred by Patrick. If not, she will be gone by Jan/Feb bred by her cousin Durango.

Edited: Ava is only about 65-70 pounds.

 

[Baymule]

Nearly 8 minutes! Is this guy ever going to shut up and flip the goat? Videos are generally boring to me because my internet sucks and it stops, winds, plays, stops, circle of doom, play, stop, circle of doom, shut up and flip the goat!
FINALLY!

Avalon sounds like she needs to go. She needs to belong to someone else. Haha, flip her every day, she'll start running from you! Or bring her home in a box.

 

[rachels.haven]

Yeah, he's long winded. All it takes is grabbing the opposite legs and holding them there. I think he feels bad about flipping them and puts it off. Or maybe he's trying to convince people it's humane. If you're dealing with a snotty goat, it's more humane and pleasant for the goat than vacuum sealing them and enjoying their company later.

Oh, two more things I forgot.
Saffron was most likely a nubian lamancha. As the final way to prove it yesterday I bought a half gallon of nubian milk from the kitten keepers (milk is not a biohazard in New Hampshire). Yep, she was probably nu-manancha alright. The husband and kids approve of it and want their cake milk back. The flavor was spot on and her breeder is now selling doelings that look just like her as nubian-lamanchas now instead of lamancha-saanens. My husband mentioned maybe I should add a Nubian to the herd, but I'm not ready to add anything new yet after losing two goats in rapid succession. Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll like dwarf milk this year. (and I miss Saffron and am not totally moved on yet. I definitely don't want to go back to her breeder. That goat could never handle temps over 80 degrees well. There was something wrong with her from the start, and I gave her a safe place to live her life out well cared for then die. I do not need another heartbreak or two next year.)


2nd thing
School started two weeks ago (don't get me started on how intelligence poor our proud "superior" district is with it's tech and how few things actually work that they claim will work...and I live with a guy who could write the tech and be tech support if desired...but that's a trap). 80% of students here are in person 4 days per week as per wishes of the parents (yay, so educated, so affluent, so IMMUNE) and now we have Covid starting up in the high school, the building where the people are most likely to wear masks consistently, keep distance, and wash hands (I mean, have you seen how k-8 graders play?). But don't worry. The district has defined "close contact" as being within 6 feet for more than 15 minutes, and if anyone was in contact with the coviders it wasn't their fault and had to have been done privately and not on their watch, they remind us all. Plus, viruses care what the district defines as the allowed opportunity for it to spread.

And I tell myself I don't care because my kids are remote.

The most affluent, "best" districts here are apparently having a hard time with covid (a step or two higher than this district). Those rich, entitled kids must throw those drunken after in-person school parties, then run away from the police after giving fake names, and nobody gets tracked or I guess consequences and off the virus goes (Sudbury, some Acton/boxborough). On the other hand where my in law teaches (Woburn, suburb of boston, viewed as a "bad" district) apparently they are ALL doing remote and they're doing okay.

But don't worry. Close contact is being within 6 feet for 15 minutes and the school didn't and won't facilitate that so they won't change behavior. What happens here on is all kids and parents fault as long as that 6ft/15 minutes thing isn't broken.

Done with rant. The way this thing spreads exponentially with asymptomatic carriers as well as people feeling sick and only the sick ones getting tested (and it's still hard to get tested here), I think I give them another week or two. I feel really terrible for the teachers and staff. And the bus drivers.

Sacrificing proofreading and cutting this down to go do chores. Sorry.