farmerjan
Herd Master
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2016
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- Shenandoah Valley Virginia
@Ridgetop no apologies necessary for anything. That is what is so nice here. We can kinda blow off the steam before we blow our tops at home and cause irreparable harm. Besides. sometimes getting it down on paper or just off your chest, can make you look at it differently too.
I am so sorry for this DD1 being so book smart and basically STUPID about practicalities. I don't have any real advice for you. I suspect that she will face the consequences of her actions, with rebellion and downright major problems from the way she is restricting.... he// she is STIFLING these children. One thing I will say, take it or leave it..... from my divorce I learned from my therapist/counselor ... do not put her down to the kids even if you have to bite your tongue and draw blood. You can say that you don't agree, that you might do things differently, BUT, she is their mother and while they live in her house they have to do as she says. It is her house and she makes the rules.
When I got divorced, and my ex got "physical custody" because I was moving out of state... a whole long story..... I wanted to follow through with shooting him and going to jail just to get him out of my son's life. But, I refrained. I had alternating holidays, and the summers.... plus could see him whenever I went north....When my son hit his sr year of high school, he took off one day and left my ex- drove the 8 hrs to Va and said he was not going back. Everyone was frantic and they all called me asking what to do. I said leave him alone, he will probably come to Va and when he did show up, exhausted and an emotional mess, I put him to bed and called my parents and said, he is here, he is asleep, and it will get talked about tomorrow. They were all about coming down and getting this straightened out and I said NO, leave him alone and I will call you tomorrow. Then he finally told me what had triggered the walking out, and stuff he had been dealing with for years, and never told me about.... and we got it sorted out and he went back and lived with my parents for the last 3 months until he graduated. 2 weeks later he was moved down with me permanently. It hasn't all been roses, but he KNEW that there was a safe haven here.
That is what I am trying to get across. Don't bash her in any way in front of the kids; as much as you want to tell her off. Make sure they know that you love them and WILL LISTEN , even when you don't agree..... give them the knowledge that they have a safe place to be. Make sure you have rules and don't be lax.... they need to know the limits. If it gets so bad, you might wind up with custody in some weird scenario....and you might have some really difficult kids to deal with.
Maybe they will do something and she will get a "figurative slap across the face" and wake up.... and realize or even if necessary, have it explained to her, maybe by the FDIL , that she is destroying these kids.... and nothing in life is perfect.... not even her.
Good luck. And yes, men can be so thick and stupid sometimes.....
I am so sorry for this DD1 being so book smart and basically STUPID about practicalities. I don't have any real advice for you. I suspect that she will face the consequences of her actions, with rebellion and downright major problems from the way she is restricting.... he// she is STIFLING these children. One thing I will say, take it or leave it..... from my divorce I learned from my therapist/counselor ... do not put her down to the kids even if you have to bite your tongue and draw blood. You can say that you don't agree, that you might do things differently, BUT, she is their mother and while they live in her house they have to do as she says. It is her house and she makes the rules.
When I got divorced, and my ex got "physical custody" because I was moving out of state... a whole long story..... I wanted to follow through with shooting him and going to jail just to get him out of my son's life. But, I refrained. I had alternating holidays, and the summers.... plus could see him whenever I went north....When my son hit his sr year of high school, he took off one day and left my ex- drove the 8 hrs to Va and said he was not going back. Everyone was frantic and they all called me asking what to do. I said leave him alone, he will probably come to Va and when he did show up, exhausted and an emotional mess, I put him to bed and called my parents and said, he is here, he is asleep, and it will get talked about tomorrow. They were all about coming down and getting this straightened out and I said NO, leave him alone and I will call you tomorrow. Then he finally told me what had triggered the walking out, and stuff he had been dealing with for years, and never told me about.... and we got it sorted out and he went back and lived with my parents for the last 3 months until he graduated. 2 weeks later he was moved down with me permanently. It hasn't all been roses, but he KNEW that there was a safe haven here.
That is what I am trying to get across. Don't bash her in any way in front of the kids; as much as you want to tell her off. Make sure they know that you love them and WILL LISTEN , even when you don't agree..... give them the knowledge that they have a safe place to be. Make sure you have rules and don't be lax.... they need to know the limits. If it gets so bad, you might wind up with custody in some weird scenario....and you might have some really difficult kids to deal with.
Maybe they will do something and she will get a "figurative slap across the face" and wake up.... and realize or even if necessary, have it explained to her, maybe by the FDIL , that she is destroying these kids.... and nothing in life is perfect.... not even her.
Good luck. And yes, men can be so thick and stupid sometimes.....