Bruce
Herd Master
Another fun chapter in your life!
You had me laughing reading about your Ham Hocks story. I'm sorry I laughed at your "troubles" with her! And I love the fact that you actually went inside and started to look into your book trying to find answers! It's like picturing a doctor, during an emergency, trying to flip through his/her book looking for an answer on how to sew up a wound or something. HahahahThe day came that Ham Hocks would take her last ride. According to my pig book, we could easily get her to load by dragging a pan of corn in front of her into the trailer. She would follow it right in. Getting the pan of corn, I dutifully dragged it to the back of the trailer where I came to a sudden stop. The floor of the trailer was on a level with the top of her back. This had escaped our notice when planning to transport our sweet HH to the butcher. We had also neglected to train her to leap into the bed of a Datsun pickup which was what the trailer had originally been before its second life as a utility trailer. Since she was now docilely eating the corn at the back of the trailer, DH said we would just lift her into the trailer. After all, she only weighed 225 lbs. Together DH and I put our arms around her. We tried to pick her up together but couldn't get her off the ground. In fact she didn't even notice us trying as she continued to gobble her corn. DH said we would just lift her front feet into the trailer and then heave the rest of her in. She noticed this. Not happening. I think DH said he thought she weighed more than 225 lb. but although his mouth was moving I couldn't hear anything over the shrieks of porcine rage in our ears. As she slipped through our arms, she caught sight of the trailer with its camper shell door looming open. Ham Hocks announced that she would not enter the trailer, nor would she ride in such a vehicle, and in fact she would stay home. She ran straight back to her pen.
We discussed new plans to get her into the trailer. We needed a ramp so she could walk up into the trailer. DH and I hauled 2 long 2 x 12 planks over and propped them on the back of the trailer. I scattered corn up the ramp. Once again we brought her to the trailer and the new ramp. She greedily ate all the scattered corn as she walked along the side of the ramp. DH tried to push her onto the ramp. She resisted. One side of the ramp fell off in the struggle catching DH on the shin. Squealing insults Ham Hocks retreated to her pen again. I offered DH ice, he angrily refused . We needed reinforcements. Our children were summoned from play and informed they must act as side rails. Dubiously they looked at Ham Hocks who was much larger than they were. DH limped into position, DS1 and DD went to chivy Ham Hocks up to the ramp again. Hocks Hocks snorted and charged through us, scattering small children like bowling pins. Satisfied, she returned to her pen, refreshed herself with a long drink of water, and waited for our next assault on her person. She gave a whole new meaning to "Just Say No!" Strange that I had never noticed that she had a particularly malevolent stare.
After a 15 minute break to bandage up and pacify the troops. I went inside to my trusty library and retrieved "Everything You wanted to Know About Raising Pigs" Volume I. Apparently I should have ordered Volume II as well, it probably had the recommendation not to raise pigs. Under the heading "Moving and Loading Your Pig", after the bit about dragging pan of corn into the trailer and happily shutting the gate on the loaded pig, I noticed it continued on the next page. There was the next chapter, What To Do When Your Pig Won't Load. It said to put a bucket over her head, tie a rope around her rear leg and guide her backwards into the trailer. Right. I went outside and told DH this news. When he finished laughing, demanded to see the book. I went to get a bucket, he went to get the rope and we sent DS1 for the large push broom which was also mentioned in the chapter. Maybe to sweep up the pig poop that was beginning to accumulate n the drive way. Once armed with our weapons we sent the children to retrieve Ham Hocks. They came back pigless. Apparently she was napping and refused to wake up. I went down to get her. Finally, she agreed to come up to the driveway again if I would stop slapping her butt. I hoped I was not bruising the ham but it was all I had. Walking triumphantly along she saw the refilled corn pan sitting enticingly on the driveway. Measuring the distance from it to the trailer she swaggered up to it and dropped her snout into the corn. Gently we scratched her back and murmured endearments as DH swiftly tied a loop around her rear leg. The rope ran through the back of the camper shell through the window and was held by DS1 and his sister. At a signal from DH we sprang into action. DS1 and DD pulled on the rope, I swung a large rubber bucket over Ham Hock's face and pushed her back. Keeping her steady, DH maneuvered her feet onto the ramp. As I backed her up the ramp, DH struggled to keep her feet on the boards and pulled the rope backwards and into the camper. Quickly kicking the ramp boards aside, DH slammed the tailgate and camper shell gate on the surprised porker. Running around to the front of the trailer he quickly tossed the rope end into the camper and slammed that window shut. Loud squealings and grunts began as Ham Hocks tried to break out of the trailer. The little trailed rocked back and forth as the enraged hog tossed back and forth. The camper shell gate started to open as she thrust her nose against it! As I leaned on the gate to keep her in, DH grabbed another length of rope and tied it shut. We were exhausted, but couldn't stop to rest. We had to get Ham Hocks to the butcher before he closed, he was almost 2 hours away, and we had wasted most of the morning trying to load our pig. Shoving all the children in the truck, we drove off. Once on the road, Ham Hocks settled down a bit. When we arrived at the butcher, after the fateful deed was done, he weighed her. So much for our friend the Ag instructor judging weight - Ham Hocks clocked in at 340 lbs.! She was delicious by the way.
Can't wait!I will have more Tales From the Dark Side soon about our pig adventures.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, our heroes . . . .