# What's up update



## raeleigh26 (Jul 24, 2016)

Last time I posted, my introduction I guess,  I had dairy cows, dh was out of work,  rabbit breed issues,  sickly chickens,  no garden,  etc etc. ...
Since then,  I've had a total of 9 head of cattle,  I've had to sell most of them. I have dude, a dairy Angus steer, who's now almost 8 months,  copper, 6 month old dexter jersey cross bull,  Maggie is due in Jan for her second, hoping she will do ok  this time. 
We lost Harley,  our dexter bull. For whatever reason when he got himself loose the last time, instead of going next door he ventured out the front gate, over the cattle guard,  and was hit by a truck at 2 am. 
I got rid of all the rabbits.  They were no longer paying for themselves,  we're having breeding issues,  and we lost another litter.  So they're gone,  all at 3 or 4$each. 
Still have 3 horses. Never got the pastures burned between rain and wildfires,  and didn't get it sprayed either, so it's weedy and tall.  I'm gonna have to mow with the lawn tractor.
We had to sell the tractor, trailer, front loader, tiller, my truck,  and numerous other things to get by on top of scrapping, housecleaning, babysitting, and odd jobs for 7 months, but we made it.  Still trying to catch up. 
I got 2 piglets 3 days ago,  one of them is struck with dippity pig,  and I'm already thinking this is not for me.  Oh well.
We built a hoop house with a raised garden bed,  and it was great, until a storm ripped it apart.  Then, in trying to do everything naturally,  . ...well. ....between the wildlife,  pests, my own chickens,  and one ambitious cow. .... aside from a few cantaloupe,  it was all for nought.  Waste of effort and hard work.  I'm about to wage chemical warfare. 
I'd like to think that I'm not a quitter. I work very hard every day, wind, rain, sun, snow, or sleet.  But,  with loss after loss after loss. .... on top of feeling so unappreciated,  and coupled with the lack of funds to do things right,  or efficiently,  I'm ready to give up on it all. 
We bought 40$with of ladybugs to combat mites and aphids in the greenhouse ...... lost the lot of peas and tomatoes anyway.  40$can buy a lot of canned goods.  And there's no heartbreak, sunburn, and blistered hands involved. 
Im thinking I'm only going to raise my dexters,  if I can ever get to a place where I have more than one cow.  And I'll turn my gardening from nearly impossible and unappreciated vegetables,  to flowers that I don't care if anyone but me enjoys. 
This isn't a pity party,  honestly.  I'm beyond feeling hopeless and broken.  I'm at the point where I'm just going to do for myself,  what I'm able and good at,  and what I alone enjoy. 
Losing Harley,  having to shoot him,  holding his head in my lap and heading him cry anytime I had to leave him,  knowing the pain he was in for the hour it took before we were cleared to put him down. ....that broke me.  That was a completely preventable disaster that only occurred because we were not able to finish the bull pen after dh lost his job.  I knew he'd been able to get out of the holding pen.  Not often,  not like every day,  but once in awhile, he found a way out.  Now I'll be finishing that fence line for copper.
I'm putting aside my ambitions of a multi species, self sufficient, self sustaining and natural/organic farm ...... I can't do it.  I'm not able.  And I don't feel any shame in that.  Disappointed,  sure.  Disillusioned even.  But not ashamed.  Shame comes when I see that my teenaged children still *forget*to care for the rabbits, and 4 die of heat stroke. Shame comes when I spend 3 hours in the heat and my kids complain about having to snap green beans for dinner. 
I'm ashamed when my bull calf all has his horns and hasn't been vaccinated at 6 months because the cash I've earned babysitting has to go for my kids school supplies,  so I'll put it off till I have the extra money,  and a trailer I can borrow,  oh,  and a truck to pull it. 
I'm ashamed when my husband comes out to ask me if I got the laundry done,  watches me muck the pens,  with my bad back and useless hands,  without offering to help,  and asks me if I'm going to milk the cow tonight. 
I'm ashamed when I find my daughter's gelding has a cut that I didn't see 24 hours ago and I'm the one taking care of it and trying to raise enough money to have a farrier out. 
I'm ashamed that I've tried to push this life on my family,  and that my animals have suffered for it. And they have suffered.  With vaccines done months later than they should've been,  with hoof trims late,  with fences neglected for lack of funds,  going a week or two without mineral.  It's apparent that I'm the only one who cares, who wants this,  who will work for it.  And it won't always be like that,  was never like that before our financial disaster.  I have always done the best I can,  but I'm not going to force it anymore.  I'm only doing for myself.  That means raising my cattle,  and starting my flower gardens.  To hell with all the rest.  I'll buy my bacon and chicken and eggs and veggies and fruit like everyone else.


----------



## Mike CHS (Jul 24, 2016)

It sounds like there has been a long road getting to where you now are and I expect you will be happier just taking baby steps again.  I think you have a super attitude with all that has gone down for you.


----------



## Latestarter (Jul 24, 2016)

wow... sorry...   Don't know what else I could add...


----------



## raeleigh26 (Jul 24, 2016)

Thank you.  It seems I've had more than the typical,  win some, lose some issues.  15 years of having rabbits,  suddenly problem after problem.  15 years of chickens,  neighbors bring in coryza,  total loss.  No way or point in starting over. 
Thought the raised beds would be the answer for my gardening issues,  back problems,  no tiller,  etc.  It blew away,  and I couldn't keep up with the pests. 
I've made a profit on all my cattle,  but it went to pay bills instead of buying dexter cows.  At this point,  it'll be next spring before I can even begin to think about buying some bottle calves,  which I'll raise to a year, sell,  and hopefully put the money into dexters. That's a very long wait.
I wanted pigs. I'm already realizing I'm not cut out  for them so they'll either be sold or butchered in December and that's it. 
I've wanted goats,  but I'm pretty sure I'll never get my fences set up for goats. 
I'm backing way down to basics again.  Deal with what I've got.  Start over. Catch up.  And when I'm ready to move forward,  it'll only be with what I know I can do.


----------



## Southern by choice (Jul 24, 2016)




----------



## norseofcourse (Jul 24, 2016)

Dang, I know where there's stock there's trouble, but you seem to have had way more than your share...      I'm glad you have at least had success with the cattle.  Even though you now have a scaled back plan, I admire your perseverence and I hope things begin going well for you and your dh.


----------



## babsbag (Jul 24, 2016)

I am sorry you have had such a tough time. I hope that you have reached a turning place and that the only way out is UP!!


----------



## Rescuechick76 (Jul 24, 2016)

Wow. I was having a bad streak for awhile. My dog was diagnosed with cancer, I lost a new baby goat, I work at the humane society and I can't even begin to last all the stuff that was happening there. And the vet I work with, who is a good friend, said to me "it's you, it's gotta be you, you need to find a priest to get rid of your demons!" Of course it was all a joke and we laughed, but I thought boy, if other people see it too, it must be me :/ Lol!!
But it sounds like you have had it so much worse. I'm so sorry about your bull. To watch something suffer is horrendous. I hope your bad streak is over and things pick up for you. It sounds like you deserve it. Good luck to you!


----------



## Apaulsen2890 (Jul 24, 2016)

Fingers crossed that things pick up for you!  Don't give up!  I always make sure to tell my fiancé that whenever something goes wrong at our place.  It's hard to do but eventually things will get better.  Sometimes you just have to step back and slow down. Work with what you've got and put the rest on hold until you have time and funds. I'm convinced that sometimes it's just easier to buy some food products than raise them, especially when things are going rough.  Best of luck to you and don't give up! You can do it!!!


----------

