# The Night Before Christmas (As Told by a Lawyer)



## OneFineAcre (Dec 12, 2013)

*I don't know if any of you have seen this before.  I find it amusing.


THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (As Told By A Lawyer) *

*WHEREAS*, on or about the night immediately preceding Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved parcel of real property (hereinafter, “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse (_mus musculus_). Various foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed in close proximity to the chimney in said House, in the hope, and upon information belief, that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas, a/k/a/ Santa Claus, (hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at sometime soon thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were situated in their respective beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise manifest themselves in said dreams.

*WHEREUPON *the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as (“I”), being the joint-owner in fee Simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.)

*SUDDENLY*, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

*A*t that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter “the Vehicle”) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight diminutive (8) reindeer (_rangifer tarandus_). The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be, and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus provided, directed, instructed, and guided the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified aloud the animal co-conspirators to wit Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter collectively known as “the Deer”). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named “Rudolph” may have been involved.)

*T*he party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle, and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and other items of unknown origin or nature.

*S*uddenly, without prior invitation, easement, license, or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red and white fur-trimmed suit, which bore residue from the chimney. He carried an oversize bag containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He possessed a unique countenance--twinkling eyes, flushed face, white beard, and a bow shaped mouth. He was smoking a pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations. He had a broad face and a distended abdomen, that had the appearance of pulsating gelatin.

*C*laus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts” within the meaning of the U.S. Tax Code and the applicable State Tax Code). Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof, whereupon the Vehicle and Deer Waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”


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## Southern by choice (Dec 12, 2013)




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## kinder (Dec 12, 2013)

How quite , I like it..HO,HO,HO.....


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