# Do you let others ride your horse(s)??



## dianneS (Jul 16, 2011)

I have been asked many times by people, usually inexperienced individuals, if they can ride my horse.  A lot of people just assume that they will be granted the privilege of riding her because after all, that's what she's for right?  She's just a recreational vehicle for all of my friends to take out for a spin??

This assumption drives me crazy.  My mare is a one-person type of horse and no matter how I try to explain this to people they don't get it!!  I had a grand-prix level rider ask to ride my mare and I turned HER down!

My sister just assumes she can come visit and ride my horse.  I don't want her to and I have already told her 'No'.  My sister has no formal riding lessons and hasn't even been on a horse in 30+ years.  She has neighbors right next door to her that would allow her to ride their horses, why doesn't she go over there?  I don't know?

My mare responds to dressage cues, and she is very, very sensitive and light.  She has to be ridden from my seat and she moves off my leg beautifully.  I don't want some heavy handed person ruining that!  But I can't explain it to people who don't get it???

What are your feelings on letting others ride your horse?  If you don't allow others to ride your horse, how do you explain to them why?


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## freemotion (Jul 16, 2011)

Well, I would've handed the reins over to the Grand Prix rider in a heartbeat, unless they were a jerk, abusive, or a circus trick rider type.  

The approach depends on the person.  Here are some I've used:

1.  My horse and I are in training and I cannot let anyone else get on her at  this time.  (Said firmly but apologetically.)  Except my trainer.

2.  We are showing this year and she has to work very hard every day.  It would not be fair to her to have her work twice.  Sorry.  

3.  (Added if they are persistent) I'd be happy to give you directions/the phone number to ABC stables.  I hear they have some great trail horses (or some great instructors.)

4.  My horse is like my underwear.  I don't share.  (Then laugh and give them a friendly shove.)  This line also works when someone wants to borrow your tack.  It never comes back in the condition you lent it in, so just don't!


Remember that anyone who persists after you have said no is being rude and you are not required to bow to rude people.  How often do people ask to borrow your car?  Your house?  Your massage table?  Your underwear?   It just doesn't happen, or if it did, you'd say no and not be considered unreasonable.  Somehow people expect to hop on your horse simply because she exists and they know your first name.

Practice your lines.  This is one case where it will have more credibility if it flows of your tongue like you've said it a thousand times.  Some people detect hesitation and latch on.  Take it from a naturally shy person who overcame it....at least on the surface!


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## Ms. Research (Jul 16, 2011)

Let me say I do not have a horse.  I've been in love with them from a very young age, but never have had the opportunity or the financial stability to be a true responsible horse owner, or should I say, keeper.  I'm sorry to hear about your sister's attitude towards your horse and yourself.  A true horse lover would know that it takes time and work for an animal to trust you, let alone do the commands you wish to do.  A child has that attitude that a horse is there "for their pleasure" and you just get up on it and "take off".  As you have experienced, some adults have continued that attitude.  Horse experts and horse lovers like myself understand what you stated in "Plain English" just now.   But trying to make someone who "just doesn't understand" understand "Plain English" is like banging your head against the wall.  I've found that out in other aspects of trying to explain something.   Keep doing what you are doing, that beautiful animal is yours and you know what's best.  If they don't like the word "no" oh well.   

Just an opinion from a Long time Horse Lover


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## carolinagirl (Jul 16, 2011)

Freemotion's response are excellent.  If I had just plain 'ol horses I MIGHT let someone ride one, but not a highly trained sensitive horse like yours.  NO WAY!!!


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## dianneS (Jul 17, 2011)

I turned down the grand prix rider a few years ago because my mare was over coming some past abuse issues and we were going very slow and doing everything on a long loose rein at that time.  I was just trying to earn her trust myself.

This mare has overcome a lot.  She used to be very angry, now she is the sweetest thing you'll ever meet!  I don't want anyone ruining that.  Its hard to explain that to people without them feeling insulted.  They seem to think that I'm implying that they are a lousy rider (sometimes true) or will mistreat the horse.

I explained to my sister that my horse is in training and I was advised not to let anyone ride her.  That she's been through a lot and its taken some time to get her to the point she's at today.  I just apologized and said "I'm sorry, I wish I had a horse for you to ride, but I do not.  My mare is not an anyone-can-ride-this-horse type, she's a one person horse."  I also said that "maybe some day I'll get a "guest horse" for visitors to ride but I can't let anyone else ride this mare."



> A child has that attitude that a horse is there "for their pleasure" and you just get up on it and "take off".


That's my sister.  She's 55 years old, but has the maturity level of a six year old!


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## SDGsoap&dairy (Jul 17, 2011)

In the same vein of what free said... you wouldn't loan out your husband, why loan out your horse?  You've spent hours and hours establishing a partnership based on mutual trust and respect.   Just tell them your horse is monogamous.


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## dianneS (Jul 17, 2011)

> Just tell them your horse is monogamous


  I like that!


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## goodhors (Jul 17, 2011)

There are a few folks I might let ride our horses, but they could be counted on one hand.  AND none of them would dream of ASKING to ride.  I would have to ask them if they would like to ride the horse.  All are excellent riders with skill riding a LOT of other equines, able to softly ask for what they want from the horse.  I see a LOT of riders who may ride skilled upper level horses, but not be skilled riders, they are just pushing the buttons of that horse.  No adaptability to each animal.

Folks who have to ask to ride, are seldom skilled at all, have NO CLUE about how to manage a horse that is not part of a rental stable.  Watched or read too many horse fiction stories.

As mentioned, you have put in the time to be partners with your horse.  NO ONE lends out their partner!  Would they expect to borrow your dog too?  Would you expect dog to even respond to their direction??  I wouldn't.  My dog or horse does not respect or respond to other folks beyond being polite for ground handling.  And the most amazing part?  Folks get OFFENDED when dog or horse ignores them!!  "Animals ALL like me", and they want to bother the dog or horse to get a favorable response!

My equines are trained to suit OUR NEEDS and this may be contrary to other folks training methods.  My kids may make it look easy, expecially when they were small riders.  However kids also did lessons, worked with the animals to get the correct request and response from the horses.  For some reason the unknowing equate small rider person with horse anyone can ride.  At our house that is about the farthest thing from the truth, because we put our skilled rider kids on our BEST horses, expecting kid to be taken care of by experienced horse when faced with difficulties.

I offer no apolgies for refusing to allow others to ride our horses.  We put in the time and effort to get them this nice, not going to expect horse to put up with unskilled riders.  I don't have that kind of horses.  I have changed my wants in horses since I was a kid, not doing the "$100 wonders" anymore that I fought with back then.   I like the "finer feel, better response" from the better bred, better minded animals we have now.


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## michickenwrangler (Jul 17, 2011)

Depends on the person and situation. I will occasionally bring two (of many) of my daughter's friends out for informal riding lessons--usually as part of a birthday present. I lent my Arabian mare to a friend's daughter for a year after her horse died--but she was an experienced rider and took lessons from me. Later went on to compete in competitive trail and did quite well.

Currently, my boyfriend's daughter takes lessons from me on my old endurance horse but both she and dad are learning about every aspect of horse care from me. Dad/my boyfriend and his daughter have learned to brush and saddle and bridle, apply fly spray, hose off horse, horse safety, turnout, cleaning up after themselves and tack care from me. The barn owner also loans her gentle Tenessee Walker gelding out to my boyfriend when he wants to ride so he can learn alongside his daughter.

I don't normally let others ride, and if this guy and his daughter weren't willing to learn all the "peripheral" stuff, I probably wouldn't bother but they are both showing interest and if I can "convert" more horse people, so much the better.


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## treeclimber233 (Jul 17, 2011)

My ex-boyfiend asked me one day if he could ride my horse and being a pushover I told him he could (knowing full well he would never catch my horse). After hours of trying to catch my horse he asked my youngest sister to catch my horse for him.  There was a rule at home that if you could not catch the horse yourself nobody else was supposed to (supposedly to teach us youngsters to treat the horse well enough that he would not mind being caught the next time).  I don't know what happened between the time he left the house with my horse and got back with him but my horse was sweated so much the hair on the bottom of his stomache was crusted with white sweat swirls.  You know the crusty white they sometimes get on the shoulders when they dry.  He had been completely lathered on his whole body.  I rode my horse fairly hard and he was in great shape but I never brought him home looking like that.  Later when I got a chance to go riding I only got abut a mile up the road and he pulled up lame.  I was only 16 and figured since winter was coming on I would just turn him out to "heal".  In the spring when I got him out again he pulled up lame again.  I don't know what damage was done but he was ruined.  This was over 40 years ago and I have never let anyone ride any of my horses again.  Well except my daughter and 2 different trainer when I was there with them.  After that I got a backbone and told people "NO" in no uncertain terms!!!!!!!


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## dianneS (Jul 17, 2011)

> And the most amazing part?  Folks get OFFENDED when dog or horse ignores them!!


You've got that right!  I find it difficult to explain why I don't let people handle my horse _without _them getting offended.  Heck, my brother got so offended when I told him I would not board a horse for him, if he ran out and bought one for no other reason than because his sister now owns a farm (70 miles away from him), that he was livid, irate, and went on a rant to our mother.  He even refused to see me over the holidays that year!  I don't run a boarding stable.  I don't want the hassle and the liability.  I tried to explain this, and he was infuriated.

I'm sure that my sister is offended that I told her 'no' she can't ride my horse.  I haven't heard from her since...  Oh well.




> For some reason the unknowing equate small rider person with horse anyone can ride.


I've found that the unknowing also think that a well-trained horse is a horse that anyone can ride.  They don't seem to understand the concept that a horse can actually be "too broke for a beginner"  that a beginner would ruin a well trained horse.  They also don't understand the concept of the horse and rider being on the right level for one another, and being the correct match.  They have no concept of that partnership between horse and rider either.


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## absoluteapps (Jul 20, 2011)

I am very protective of my horses, and no one handles them but me. The farrier and vet, but that isn't the same. I have a mare that no one can get to move, but I can ride her all day through anything. I guess she is a one person horse. But no I do not let anyone ride them. I tell them they are too much animal for them. If the horse has extensive training, oh no they wouldn't get on them. One thing I did notice about horse people over the years is that everyone does everything different, different training ideas, different handling methods, feeding, remedies, it is very open to interpretation.


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## freemotion (Jul 20, 2011)

dianneS said:
			
		

> I've found that the unknowing also think that a well-trained horse is a horse that anyone can ride.  They don't seem to understand the concept that a horse can actually be "too broke for a beginner"  that a beginner would ruin a well trained horse.  They also don't understand the concept of the horse and rider being on the right level for one another, and being the correct match.  They have no concept of that partnership between horse and rider either.


That is because they don't consider themselves to be a beginner.....they read the entire Black Stallion series as a kid after all, watched John Wayne movies, and went on a hack-for-hire trail ride once.  They are experts in their own minds.

Some people will take offense simply because they feel they deserve to have whatever they ask for.  If you have "more" then you must share with them.  Isn't that a political system that the same people will loudly criticize? 

For these people it doesn't matter what you say, how you word it, or your tone of voice.  They are like spoiled children in adult bodies.  Ignore their tantrums and move on.  Sounds like the holidays were probably more peaceful this year for you!  Hurtful, yes, but someone else's bad behavior is not a reflection on you.  My rule in life is to just be polite....mostly.  Sometimes firmness is absolutely necessary in order to be heard by some pushy people.


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## redtailgal (Jul 20, 2011)

z


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## kstaven (Jul 21, 2011)

dianneS said:
			
		

> I have been asked many times by people, usually inexperienced individuals, if they can ride my horse.  A lot of people just assume that they will be granted the privilege of riding her because after all, that's what she's for right?  She's just a recreational vehicle for all of my friends to take out for a spin??
> 
> This assumption drives me crazy.  My mare is a one-person type of horse and no matter how I try to explain this to people they don't get it!!  I had a grand-prix level rider ask to ride my mare and I turned HER down!
> 
> ...


The short answer is "NO"

The longer one is I don't want another messing up all my hard work or doing something stupid with an animal they don't understand or know how to "work with". And I stress the "work with" part for any well trained horse and experienced rider.


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## dianneS (Jul 21, 2011)

> That is because they don't consider themselves to be a beginner.....they read the entire Black Stallion series as a kid after all, watched John Wayne movies, and went on a hack-for-hire trail ride once.  They are experts in their own minds.
> 
> Some people will take offense simply because they feel they deserve to have whatever they ask for.  If you have "more" then you must share with them.
> 
> For these people it doesn't matter what you say, how you word it, or your tone of voice.  They are like spoiled children in adult bodies.


You've got that right!  Just like a spoiled child, my sister in her usual fashion _did _take offense to my simply saying 'no' to her request.  She says I "blew her off" and now she knows "where she stands" with me.  I simply explained that I had a busy week, the only time to ride is 6 am before the heat and the flies come out and that my horse has been through a lot over the years and its taken a long time to get her to where she is today.  She's in regular training with me and my trainer says I shouldn't let anyone else ride her at this time.  What's so offensive about that???

Oh well, if my sister chooses to react that way, I have no control over it.  If her reaction is to take offense, that's her choice.  I'm not apologizing simply for saying 'no'.

(This is turning out to be more of a family issue for me than a horse dilemma!  I'm seriously considering going out of town this holiday season!)


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## rwbwfarm (Jul 22, 2011)

I have had many people ask to ride my horses over the years also & it has always been a resounding NO. Besides the fact that most are the typical "it's a horse & I want to ride it", it's a liability insurance-wise. They say it doesn't matter but I refuse to lose our farm because someone says they won't sue if something happened - not that I think it would but still. They just don't get it. When I boarded my mare that I lost almost 2 yrs ago, the barn owner decided to ride her without my permission. Not hard to tell when I ride bareback & the idiot didn't even brush her off after leaving a saddle sweat stain on her. DID NOT go over well & she was out the there really quick. The mentality of alot of people these days is ridiculous - they seem to think it's an entitlement. I also get sick of people saying we should have farm tours - WHY? It's a working small diversified farm but not a petting zoo. Sheesh. Takes all kinds I guess:/         Jenn in NY


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## More of a BYC person (Jul 23, 2011)

I'm currently working with a group of yard ornament horses and I am VERY thankfull my great aunt let me ride. The horses hadn't been groomed in years. Their manes where a mess and their tails where so matted, I didn't know where to start. A few days ago A little girl came up asking to pet the horses. "shure" So I got ol' Trusty out, got him groomed and put a saddle on him. He hasn't been worked with in a while, due to a very old hock injury. My rule, If your over 100 lbs, you can't ride Trusty. I just lead him around on the halter and let her sit up in the saddle. As light as she is I didn't even bother to over tighten the girth. It was wonderfull work for him, building up his leg again gently. And most people would freak out on Bart or Whisky, and the mares I'm almost afraid to ride  So No, I don't let people ride my horses, unless I'm there, with a halter on the horse, leading them. I never NEVER hand the reins to anyone else.


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## dianneS (Jul 25, 2011)

> So No, I don't let people ride my horses, unless I'm there, with a halter on the horse, leading them. I never NEVER hand the reins to anyone else.


I would do that too.  I wouldn't mind giving someone a lead line pony ride on my horse, but handing the reins over, no way.  Letting them go off on a trail alone, no way.

I know that most adults who ask to ride my horse have a trail ride in mind or a nice gallop across the field.  That is totally out of the question.  My mare is blind in one eye and needs me to watch for obstacles, holes in the ground, rocks, tree roots etc on her blind side.  I would never let anyone just take her out for a gallop.  Anyway, she'd probably buck when they asked for it!


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## petmom (Aug 22, 2011)

Hello everyone. I am new here, but I totally agree with not allowing anyone ride my horse. 35 years ago I had a horse that had been professionally trained. Bomb proof! My ex decided to ride him one day. He wasn't gone long but he brought the horse back heaving at the sides and totally lathered. I was so angry I could bite nails in half. Never again. Later after our divorce, I did buy a second horse that had been used as a lesson horse. I did allow friends to ride him but only when I went with them. I now have a thoroughbred from the race track. It took me a long time to retrain him to ride the way I want him to. I wouldn't even think about letting someone else ride him.


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## WHFarms (Aug 22, 2011)

If somebody states they want to ride my horse my reply is always the same.  The horse came off the track, had been ferried from owner to owner, each owning him less than 4 months so I don't allow anybody to ride him until they've proven they are not just "a passing fancy".  If they would like to ride him, the requirements are as follows:  1) a month of grooming, schmoozing and treats (okayed by me) at least 3-5 days a week; 2) concurrent to #1, a month of cleaning the stall every day to my specifications (which are basically militant according to my daughter); 3) after the first month they move onto ground work ... walking and trotting basic in hand classes, learning how to voice cue him, etc.  This task is not especially easy and can be quite frustrating as every butterfly that flies by interests my gelding so you have to be alert at all times.  This phase generally takes quite a while to flawlessly walk through a course that I think up, which includes everything you would see in an in hand trail class.  Generally nobody makes it past this phase complaining about the amount of work required to just "ride a horse" to which I reply, horses require a lot of work, and if you can't work for it, you can't ride it ... I have many other phases and basically just keep piling them on until they give up.  Mean, I know, but hey I get free barn work out of it!


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## 77Herford (Aug 22, 2011)

dianneS said:
			
		

> > And the most amazing part?  Folks get OFFENDED when dog or horse ignores them!!
> 
> 
> You've got that right!  I find it difficult to explain why I don't let people handle my horse _without _them getting offended.  Heck, my brother got so offended when I told him I would not board a horse for him, if he ran out and bought one for no other reason than because his sister now owns a farm (70 miles away from him), that he was livid, irate, and went on a rant to our mother.  He even refused to see me over the holidays that year!  I don't run a boarding stable.  I don't want the hassle and the liability.  I tried to explain this, and he was infuriated.
> ...


Its simple use the old Insurance excuse.  I don't want to raise my rates because I let some fool ride one of my horses.


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## absoluteapps (Sep 14, 2011)

My horses are monogamous!


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## elieugene6 (Sep 14, 2011)

I am glad to see this posted. It gives me even more perspective. 

When I was a teenager my best friend had horses. Her and her mom were barrel racers. I asked once to ride and was promptly told no. They said it was because of insurance but being the teenager I was I was insulted. I tried not to let them know and never asked again. I actually have never asked another person who had their own horses. 

Being an adult and knowing what I do now I am fairly certain that they didn't want me to ruin their horses. I am no longer even remotely offended. I understand after helping out at a riding stable and being able to ride whatever horse I wanted that those horses have been completely screwed up by the tons of different inexperienced riders. I consider myself inexperienced which is why I still don't own a horse of my own. I love them but will not get one without more experience. I took formal lessons as a teen for English riding and you had to learn grooming, anatomy, and how to saddle them up prior to being allowed on the horse. 

My daughter wants a horse just as badly if not worse than I do but she has to wait as well. I work part time for a friend that does pony parties and am learning more and more from them. Even though they do that I would never even consider asking them to ride the ponies or their horses. Someday I hope to have the experience needed that they will offer but I also know that that day may never come and I would never dream of holding it against them.


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## manybirds (Sep 14, 2011)

dianneS said:
			
		

> I have been asked many times by people, usually inexperienced individuals, if they can ride my horse.  A lot of people just assume that they will be granted the privilege of riding her because after all, that's what she's for right?  She's just a recreational vehicle for all of my friends to take out for a spin??
> 
> This assumption drives me crazy.  My mare is a one-person type of horse and no matter how I try to explain this to people they don't get it!!  I had a grand-prix level rider ask to ride my mare and I turned HER down!
> 
> ...


I do not. I have my horse fixed up the way i want him. I let someone else ride my horse once and he came back he was doing a jig, trotting when he felt like it to be in front of the other horses, had bad cinch pinch, took mouth fulls of weeds when he wanted them and did other naughty things like that.


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## manybirds (Sep 14, 2011)

n.smithurmond said:
			
		

> In the same vein of what free said... you wouldn't loan out your husband, why loan out your horse?  You've spent hours and hours establishing a partnership based on mutual trust and respect.   Just tell them your horse is monogamous.


I went on your site. Did you really ask 100 people they're favorite breed of goat?


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## Horsiezz (Sep 14, 2011)

My mare is a one person kind of horse... but once in a while a few lucky people get to ride her. But If its someone at my barn who already has their own horse, I won't let them ride her. I let my 11 yr old niece ride her in the round pen or go on trail rides with her. I have also let some family members, friends, and small kids ride her for about 20 minutes. They dont ask her to do much so I dont see harm done. She behaves and tries her best to understand their cues, and she doesnt get frustrated. I like to see the excitment of little kids or even adults who never rode.  But she knows when I get back in the saddle that its time to work and she starts tuning in. So it really just depends who is asking me... and what the situation is. I won't let someone get on her and go on a trail or run her to the ground. If its just like a half hour or so in the round pen under my supervision I don't really mind because it gives me them a chance to actually experience a horse and have a little mini riding lesson from me.


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## yankee'n'moxie (Oct 10, 2011)

Out of my two horses, I only let people ride one of them. And if it is their first time, I ride with them (if they are light enough that he can carry both comfortably) or I lead them for awhile. Then, when* I* feel comfortable, I let them *WALK* him around the pasture, which isn't very big. Anyways, he doesn't listen to anyone but me, so if I say "whoa" or call him to me, he will come back and stop.

But the other one, a mare, I wouldn't let anyone ride, even on one of her "good" days. She has a "slight" attitude issue and it has taken me a few months to gain her trust. When I first started with her, she tried to rear up with me, but she wasn't strong enough to get up while I was on her, so she only came a foot or so off from the ground. She still has a certain way that she wants to be told to do something. And even then you can't "tell" her, you have to ask. LOL!


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