# Raeleigh26-keep swimming



## raeleigh26 (Mar 24, 2016)

So,  we set out to buy one cow a year.  I wanted dexters, and I have 2, a cow and bull.  But I have had to buy unwanted cheap cattle,  I bought a jersey with a bum leg and a holstein that was starved last year,  wanted to keep the jersey, but had to sell them both to pay for our 3 cars that all broke down within 48 hours.  But we did get an awesome bull calf out of the jersey and my dexter bull before she left for life at a small local dairy.
I bought 2 more junk calves,  a 4 month old Angus with blue eyes from pinkeye, ringworm and warts,  and a 3 month old black baldy who was stunted, starved, and had terrible pneumonia. 
They're doing okay now,  but the only reason I have beefers is the value around here,  in a year I'll get my money back, whether or not Harley manages to give me calves out of them first. ..
I still want dexters.  I'm milking Maggie now, with her foster, Dude, who's Angus and dairy mutt,  being almost 4 months old, she's ready to wean him, and I'm tired of supervising, hoping he has her empty before she's done eating.  That's going okay so far. The milking,  and her milk is awesome. 
But is literally a pain for me.  She won't let anyone else milk her,  and I can't afford a machine, but I'm in bad shape, got issues physically, and it's really hard for me to handle. 
We've decided, since dude is now steered and dehorned and vaccinated, but is showing out more dairy build than Angus,  that we'll just have my in laws pay for processing, and split the beef with them.
I'm hoping to use copper (jersey dexter)as a bull in 2 years,  maybe.
My sister offered to give me some piglets this spring,  surprising, since she's laughed in my face about my farm being ridiculous, my mini cows are an insult to the industry,  but you know,  I let it go, let it gooooo...
I've found someone to take my chickens,  will keep them a closed flock,  since they're carriers for coryza.  Now I just have to come up with the money to buy more, and get my neighbor to do the same.
My rabbits,  it's been a bad year for them.  I have 2 bucks I don't need,  lost a doe and 8 kits a couple weeks ago,  and. .. well,  they haven't paid for themselves in a long while.
DH has been out of work since November,  and while his resume is impressive,  he's still working on his bachelor's, and the applicant pool is so big that he hasn't gotten an interview yet,  but only has maybe another month on unemployment.
I got a disability update in the mail about a month ago,  I'm terrified every time I get the mail that I'll get notice they are discontinuing my disability, which is half our income.
Had a falling out with my mom last week,  our relationship has always been shaky, I've spent years not having contact with her, but she's moved down here,  and I've worked hard to repair it.  I was working with her horses over winter,  helping feed at night while she was at work,  she's got some 38 thoroughbreds,  and. .there's too much to go into, but it's stupid.  Really.  But nothing I did was good enough.  I'm so great with horses, but she doesn't want me there while she's gone because she doesn't trust me to actually do anything. .. so I told her I won't helping her anymore, it's damaging our relationship,  she's accused me of lying, stealing, and cutting corners,  and I'm not going to do it anymore.  Haven't heard a word from her or my step dad since.
Meanwhile, I'm out of cat feed, cattle feed , and I need at least a square bale of hay for Harley, since he's locked up until Maggie is out of heat,  if she even came in (he jumped the fence last month and she's due to be in again from the 25 th through the 2nd ish)and I have exactly $2.38 to my name. 
Sigh,  maybe I wouldn't be feeling so scared and helpless if it wasn't 38* and windy enough to knock me over outside. 
Maybe tomorrow will be better.


----------



## samssimonsays (Mar 24, 2016)

I surely pray things start to look up soon for you.


----------



## Latestarter (Mar 24, 2016)

For some folks, family is "everything"... for others, not so much. I disowned my older sister probably 25+ years ago and haven't seen or spoken to her since. Disowned my middle brother ~2006, haven't seen him or spoken to him since. Mid-late 2013 I disowned my parents and my youngest brother... dad died of cancer ~Aug 2014 and youngest brother died of cancer a year later. Only member of my "family" I will even talk to is my younger sister, and I talk with her maybe once a year if that. I sometime wish that I had a "real/functional" family, but I know that's never gonna happen.   I've tried to do the best I could with my kids to have a lasting relationship with them. 

Sorry you're experiencing so many family, financial, health, employment, animal issues. Sometimes it can just seem/be overwhelming. It's real easy to get depressed and run down, and that just makes it worse. Hope things improve for you... SOON!   All you can do is do the best you can. Try to keep your head up and find the good things to hold on to as you go down the road.


----------



## norseofcourse (Mar 24, 2016)

I can't say it any better than Latestarter did - hang in there!


----------

