# Herd Humor



## Beekissed

Saw this on TEG and had to share it here....I grin every time I see it!  





Share your herd humor!!!


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## Beekissed




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## babsbag




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## Baymule

Love the horse picture! I've had a laugh or two with my horses too!


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed

Not herd humor, but saw this and now I can't get that song out of my mind!!!!!  Ear worm!!!!


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Baymule

Bee, those are screaming funny!!


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## Green Acres Farm




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## Beekissed




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## Baymule

That is the truth! I use baling twine for everything! I even carry a hank of it in the car and truck.


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed

Baymule said:


> That is the truth! I use baling twine for everything! I even carry a hank of it in the car and truck.



Me too!  And panic starts to set in when I find I've used all the coils of twine I have tucked everywhere in the coop, the shed, the garden, etc.  You know it's bad when you will cut a bale of hay just so you can get a piece of twine....


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked.

"I am." said the man.

"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"

The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."

"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.

"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.


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## Beekissed

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"


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## TAH

Baymule said:


> That is the truth! I use baling twine for everything! I even carry a hank of it in the car and truck.


Same here


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## Beekissed




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Beekissed




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Beekissed




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## DaisythePig




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Green Acres Farm




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## Beekissed

Green Acres Farm said:


> View attachment 20937





Green Acres Farm said:


> View attachment 20938





Green Acres Farm said:


> View attachment 20939



These were priceless!!!!!  I laughed right out loud!


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Baymule

*Crow Problem...*
_



























_
Oh don't groan. You Didn't have to keep reading.


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## frustratedearthmother

I can't see the pictures - argh!


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## NH homesteader

Me either.


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## Beekissed

Me either!!!  Now I wanna see it very badly.....


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## Baymule

I'll try again

*Crow Problem...*
_



*























*_
Oh don't groan. You Didn't have to keep reading.


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## frustratedearthmother




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## NH homesteader

Nope still no pictures.  Now it's going to bother me!


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## Green Acres Farm




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## Beekissed

LOVE this one!@!!!!!!    So so cute!


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## Alexz7272




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## Baymule

I can't count the bruises I've had because of trailer tongues!


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## Alexz7272

Baymule said:


> I can't count the bruises I've had because of trailer tongues!



It's the only way!


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## babsbag

ditto on the bruises


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## Southern by choice




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## Beekissed

Same here....it seems as if my shins have magnets in them specifically attractant for the metal in hitches.


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## frustratedearthmother

I know that feeling too - more times than I want to remember....


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## samssimonsays

oooo I have a permanent indent in both shins from those darn things!


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## micah wotring

XD thank you for posting that!


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## Poka_Doodle

Yeah, I have bruises all over my shins.


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## samssimonsays




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## Beekissed

Yes!!!!


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## Alexz7272




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## micah wotring




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## NH homesteader




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## TAH




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## luvmypets




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## Alexz7272

I NEED this sign


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## lcertuche




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## luvmypets

Ive seen that! I would get it but the development was next to us before we had animals


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## TAH

*"You know you're a farm girl when you...*
10/27/2016




*...powder your toes rather than your nose,
...break a nail, and head for the tool shed,
..."fall off the wagon" it's a hay wagon, and you laugh and climb back on,
...the only pair of heels you own are made of mud,
...rather than "shop till you drop", you chop (veggies) till you drop,
...comb your hair, and more hay than hair comes out,
...accidentally call a CD cover a seed packet,
...meet someone from Holland, and accidentally say they're from New Holland,
...the only time you get on the scale is to weigh produce,
...pour concrete and sheet a roof one minute, and make dinner the next,
...you go "shopping" and come back with fish meal,
...say to your husband, "Honey, I need a ring,"  it's to go on a canning jar rather than your finger,*
*...pack a lunch, and put it in a Napa Auto Parts bag,*
*...find a green bean in the washing machine,
...grotesque is a fitting adjective for your brother's dirty socks, and you consider using nitrile gloves to turn them right side out and carry them to the laundry,
...after a days work, your arm feels too tired to lift your toothbrush,*

*To be continued as we live farm life...
By the farmers at
He's Alive! Farm*


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## Green Acres Farm




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## micah wotring




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## Poka_Doodle

Both are true.


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## DaisythePig




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## TAH




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## Bruce

Oh my! Looks like a hole they might want to cover up.


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## TAH

Yeppers... I would.


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## norseofcourse

I don't know how to embed a youtube video, but this link should work.

From _All I Want For Christmas is a Goat_, it's the goat version of Silent Night.  There's more goat song videos and you can get the whole album on Amazon and probably other places.


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## frustratedearthmother




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## NH homesteader

So annoyed I can't watch videos on my cell phone! I really need to see this


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## Beekissed

Incredibly funny and horrifying at the same time....


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Bruce

Bunch of good ones there Bee!


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## NH homesteader

Lol at most of them...  The cat one is creepy though.  Cats creep me out. 

The people dance is my favorite!


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## TAH

LOL


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## SavannahLeigh

Oh yeah!!


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## Bruce




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## Alexz7272

My excuse for any outing or event I get invited to! (I NEED this shirt!!)


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## animalmom

Oh my word!  @Alexz7272, you can't post something like that shirt, something everyone needs (if only to pull it out at the right time) without posting where to buy it.  Taint right young lady!  

Inquiring minds would love to know where you found that shirt!  Please and thank you.


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## Alexz7272

I found it!! 
https://www.sunfrog.com/110985939-337719894.html?76086 

They have some GREAT ones!! 



 

 



And this is the one Aaron said he is going to buy me  

 

Just type in goats & there is a whole bunch!!!


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## NH homesteader

This is the one I want...


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## NH homesteader

I just googled crazy goat lady shirt bahaha google must think I'm weird


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## NH homesteader




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## Baymule

I bought this one. I wear it when we sell eggs. 

https://www.sunfrog.com/SUPER-SEXY-CHICKEN-LADY-Purple-151371637-Ladies.html



SUPER SEXY CHICKEN LADY


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## babsbag

If I got rid of my feed bill it would be like getting a huge raise.


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## Poka_Doodle

Same here.


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## Alexz7272

@NH homesteader I LOVE that! So so true!


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## Beekissed

NH homesteader said:


> View attachment 26207 This is the one I want...



That shirt would have been a tad cuter if they had drawn out the word "bad" to read "bhaaaa-aaad" thing.


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## Goat Whisperer

Beekissed said:


> That shirt would have been a tad cuter if they had drawn out the word "bad" to read "bhaaaa-aaad" thing.


That pic is kinda like when I raise Bottle baby kids for slaughter


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## Poka_Doodle

Yeah, it's kinda like 4h kids raising market animals. I'll love the meat chickens and care for them, and eat them in my soup.


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## Beekissed




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## NH homesteader




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## Alexz7272

I just saw this on Facebook. PLEASE tell me people do not actually believe this.....


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## Bruce

Of course they do! Never have seen a baby (fill in the blank) so just trust what it says. A couple of weeks ago apparently a Llama got loose in Athens, GA. It was reported as a baby camel running loose.


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## Goat Whisperer

It's kinda sad really, some people will look at um… large intact bucks and talk about it's "udder"


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## Baymule

NH homesteader said:


> View attachment 26412


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## Goat Whisperer

Lol


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## luvmypets

Had to share


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## Bruce

Goat Whisperer said:


> It's kinda sad really, some people will look at um… large intact bucks and talk about it's "udder"


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## Alexz7272




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## NH homesteader

Ahhh hahah the pig pen one... So true! Try giving them water before giving them food. Doesn't go over well!


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## micah wotring

NH homesteader said:


> Ahhh hahah the pig pen one... So true! Try giving them water before giving them food. Doesn't go over well!


X2!

Although we've started giving them water RIGHT after we feed so that they aren't all fighting over the hog nipple at once. The kinda take turns because there's food to keep 'm occupied while it's not their turn. This keeps everybody from getting hurt.

Then again, we have like 6 pigs on one pen and one water nipple. Your set-up might be diff.


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## NH homesteader

We have three pigs and two water dishes. Will try to nipple train them in spring, I don't know how to keep the darn things from freezing.


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## Bruce

Alexz7272 said:


> View attachment 26842



So true! Water pretending to be something it isn't.


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## NH homesteader

Haha my husband just saw this on FB. That dog is so happy!


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## Baymule

That's really cute!


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## Bruce

It is all about ME ME ME!!!


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## lcertuche




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## NH homesteader

Dairy farmer lights anyone?


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## Poka_Doodle

Lol


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## Goat Whisperer

NH homesteader said:


> View attachment 27365 Dairy farmer lights anyone?


That's something I'd do for the heck of it! 
Love it!


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## NH homesteader

Oddly enough you were one of the first people that came to mind lol! We always dream about having a farm stand, DH and I, and I told him if we do I want those lights and I'll give a discount to anyone who notices!


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## Bruce

NH homesteader said:


> View attachment 27365 Dairy farmer lights anyone?


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## frustratedearthmother

Love them!


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## frustratedearthmother




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## lcertuche

This was so funny. Not an image but a video. I'd never seen a chicken swim before.





__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1403158923046318


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## frustratedearthmother

WOW!  Reminds of my one of my chickens who liked to take a 'mud' bath!  One of those really, really hot Texas days:


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## NH homesteader




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## Alexz7272




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## Bruce




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## micah wotring

There's a goat fer ya! lol


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## lcertuche

__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1122512791204606


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## Bruce

I guess those pigs know not to use their teeth!


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## Green Acres Farm

Goat Whisperer said:


> It's kinda sad really, some people will look at um… large intact bucks and talk about it's "udder"



I've been asked, "Why do bucks have udders?", too.


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## lcertuche

Udders!


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## Chickens




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## Alexz7272




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## luvmypets

Alexz7272 said:


> View attachment 29561


I used bailing twine to hold the panels for our lambing pen together lol


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## Alexz7272




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## frustratedearthmother

X a million!


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## NH homesteader

LOVE IT!


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## Poka_Doodle

My rooster...


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## Baymule

I found this on @tressa27884 facebook page..........someone obviously KNOWS me!


ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice ...does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck say, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way, these are likely his last words ever.
9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
10. There are no delis. Don't ask.
11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer.
17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.'
23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".
26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
28. "Tea" = Sweet Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
29. Everything is better with Ranch dressing.


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## Bruce

Glad to hear she is still alive! Haven't seen any posts here lately. Of course I could just be missing them.


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## Baymule

30. Vegetables are rolled in cornmeal and FRIED.
31. Meat is dredged in flour and FRIED.
32. Yonder is a measurement of distance. As in, from here to yonder or over yonder ways.
33. Howsyermomernem is a polite question. Translated it means "How's your mom and them? (them being the rest of the family)
34. Howdy and Hiday both mean "Hello".
35. Drunker than Cooter Brown means totally wasted. Cooter Brown must have been a famous drunk.
36. A six pack of Texas Whup-Ass is a fearsome thing and you don't want one.
37. If you are invited to a bonfire down a dead end dirt road miles from nowhere-go! It will provide marvelous insight into what makes Texans tick.
38. Pick up trucks are the preferred mode of transportation.
39. There are stores that sell nothing but pick up truck  accessories-and they will install them for you.
40. The most jacked up, decked out truck, with Floor Mats, Custom Chrome Grille, Tonneau Cover, Bed Sliders, Headlights, Light Bars, Nerf Bars, Chrome Trim, Mudflaps, Lift Kit, Ranch Hand Bumper, Warn 8,000 Pound Winch, Magnaflow Exhaust, Custom Wheels, Trailer Hitch, Rain Guards, Fender Flares, Off Road LED Lights, Bug Deflector, Aluminum Diamond Plate Tool Box, Bed Rails and Headache Rack is the WINNER.


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## lcertuche

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10210615321597431&set=gm.1935475520031737&type=3


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## Alexz7272




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## Alexz7272

Clearly not doing anything productive right now


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## Bruce

Alexz7272 said:


> View attachment 29931



So true! There is only 1 day in the week of a farmer, it is called "today".


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## animalmom

Wonder if this could work for a pig...What do you think @Latestarter?


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## Latestarter

ahhhh if only the truck had running boards... Where in the world did you turn up that add?


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## Southern by choice

Saw this on FB thought it was too cute not to share here.


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## Bruce

Wonder where she hides them, wouldn't do to put out a dozen a day!


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## Alexz7272




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## Baymule

Jamaica me crazy with these Alpaca jokes!!


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## Chicken Girl




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## Chicken Girl




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## lcertuche

Casey Walton


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## frustratedearthmother

LOL!


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## Latestarter

When you gotta go, well, you gotta!


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## BunnyBoxHop




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## BunnyBoxHop

I love these!


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Bruce

Thanks for the funnies Bee!


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## mystang89

Lol! Those were great. Thanks for posting.


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## RollingAcres




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## Genipher




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## Genipher




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## RollingAcres

Hahahhaa


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## Ridgetop




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## Genipher




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## RollingAcres




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## MatthewsHomestead

too funny. All of it!


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## Genipher




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## Bruce

@Genipher


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## Genipher




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## mystang89

LOL, don't know where you find those but there great! Thanks


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## goatgurl

ok, @Beekissed you made me laugh.  Waaay back in the day my sister and I were hauling my gelding from Arkansas to texas in an open top trailer and I used one of my lacy black bras, matched his mane and forelock ya know, as a poor girls fly mask/eye protector.  boy the looks and comments we got.  I still laugh when I think about it.


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## frustratedearthmother

That had to have been a sight @goatgurl!


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## Genipher

@Beekissed Found it!


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## Baymule

Bee, those are some funny ones!


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## Jennifer Hinkle

Like the jokes, they are funny.


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## Genipher




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## Genipher




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## Genipher




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## RollingAcres




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## Genipher

Not really farm-y but it always makes me laugh...


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## Southern by choice




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## Baymule

ADVICE TO ANYONE MOVING TO TEXAS
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can!
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for!
4. Don't be surpried to find movie rentals and ammunition and bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "Y'all" is plural. And "all yall's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember...many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey y'all! Watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will say.
9. Get used to the phrase, "It's not the heat; it's the humidity." And the collateral phrase, "You call this hot? Wait til August!"
10. Chili does NOT have beans in it!
11. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven
12. Don't tell us how you did it up there...nobody cares!
13. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down in December.
14. We do TOO have 4 seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
15. If someone tells you, "Don't worry...those peppers aren't hot," you can be certain they are!
16. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol...a Ford F-150 is.
17. If you fail to heed the warning in #15 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it!
18. If someone says they're "fixin' to do something," that doesn't mean anything's broken.
19. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availabilty of shade.
20. If you are a slower movng vehicle on a two-lane road, pull onto the shoulder. That is called courtesy.
22. BBQ is a food group...it does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
23. Tea = iced tea. There is no other kind.
24. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing!
25. And last but not least..."yonder" can mean anywhere..."over yonder...down yonder...up yonder..."!


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## Devonviolet

Those are all too funny and too true!!!!


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## Baymule

All of those hit me where I live, some more than others. LOL


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## Devonviolet

Baymule said:


> All of those hit me where I live, some more than others. LOL


And knowing you as well as I do, I concur!  

I wouldn't have questioned it if you said you wrote the list!


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## Devonviolet

Baymule said:


> 7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember...many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.



Last Saturay, when we were going home after farmers market, we were on a farm market road. The speed limit was 55 mph.  There was large flatbed truck in front of us, hauling about 8 big round bales.  He was going 40 mph.  When I came up behind him, I waited until there was a passing zone (broken yellow line), and started passing him.  Just as I did that, he started crossing over the center line.     I was driving half on the shoulder, honking my horn. He pulled back into his lane. I sped up, to get by him fast, and he started crossing the center lane again. So, I just leaned on my horn, and kept driving.  

It turned out to be a kid (maybe 19?). He leaned his whole upper body out the truck window, to see why I was honking, and looking puzzled. It appeared that he didn’t even realize he was doing anything wrong. (HUH???).  

As I put distance between him and us, I looked in my rearview mirror.  He was continuing to straddle the center line, until I went around a curve and could no longer see him.  It appears he thought it was okay to drive his big truck down the middle of the road (which happens to accomodates big 53’ tractor/trailer rigs just fine in the proper lane).  Who taught him to drive?  He must have been one of those who learned to drive on a John Deere!


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## Devonviolet

Baymule said:


> 23. Tea = iced tea. There is no other kind.



Actually, what it should say is, “Tea = SWEET TEA”.  How many times have we had tea at your house, which was actually sweet tea???  YUM!!!  Your DH makes it JUST right!!!  Not too sweet.


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## Genipher

Devonviolet said:


> Last Saturay, when we were going home after farmers market, we were on a farm market road. The speed limit was 55 mph.  There was large flatbed truck in front of us, hauling about 8 big round bales.  He was going 40 mph.  When I came up behind him, I waited until there was a passing zone (broken yellow line), and started passing him.  Just as I did that, he started crossing over the center line.     I was driving half on the shoulder, honking my horn. He pulled back into his lane. I sped up, to get by him fast, and he started crossing the center lane again. So, I just leaned on my horn, and kept driving.
> 
> It turned out to be a kid (maybe 19?). He leaned his whole upper body out the truck window, to see why I was honking, and looking puzzled. It appeared that he didn’t even realize he was doing anything wrong. (HUH???).
> 
> As I put distance between him and us, I looked in my rearview mirror.  He was continuing to straddle the center line, until I went around a curve and could no longer see him.  It appears he thought it was okay to drive his big truck down the middle of the road (which happens to accomodates big 53’ tractor/trailer rigs just fine in the proper lane).  Who taught him to drive?  He must have been one of those who learned to drive on a John Deere!



Yikes!


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## Ridgetop

Probably thought you were honking to tell him something was wrong with his load or truck.  LOL

Wish I could copy some of these laughing out loud postings.  I will just to have sit DH down and make him read the rules of moving to Texas.

Best bumper sticker I ever saw was in Texas "American by birth, Texan by the grace of God"! 

Although I do like "Didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables"

Or "Eat lamb - 100,000 coyotes can't be wrong"


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## greybeard

Devonviolet said:


> Last Saturay, when we were going home after farmers market, we were on a farm market road. The speed limit was 55 mph.  There was large flatbed truck in front of us, hauling about 8 big round bales.  He was going 40 mph.  When I came up behind him, I waited until there was a passing zone (broken yellow line), and started passing him.  Just as I did that, he started crossing over the center line.     I was driving half on the shoulder, honking my horn. He pulled back into his lane. I sped up, to get by him fast, and he started crossing the center lane again. So, I just leaned on my horn, and kept driving.
> 
> It turned out to be a kid (maybe 19?). He leaned his whole upper body out the truck window, to see why I was honking, and looking puzzled. It appeared that he didn’t even realize he was doing anything wrong. (HUH???).
> 
> As I put distance between him and us, I looked in my rearview mirror.  He was continuing to straddle the center line, until I went around a curve and could no longer see him.  It appears he thought it was okay to drive his big truck down the middle of the road (which happens to accomodates big 53’ tractor/trailer rigs just fine in the proper lane).  Who taught him to drive?  He must have been one of those who learned to drive on a John Deere!



That's not uncommon at all around here on FM roads, or to see a herd of cattle being driven down the middle of the road. Pretty much always been that way too.
I don't know how it is in other states, but the likelihood of him getting a ticket for that, anywhere in Texas is very very low as long as the vehicle has Texas Farm Plates on it and as long as he stays on the FM or Ranch roads..

(I learned to drive on a 1952 8N Ford tractor and a 1958 Case 500B.)


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## Bruce

Ridgetop said:


> Or "Eat lamb - 100,000 coyotes can't be wrong"


My Dad had that one when he and my stepmother were raising sheep.


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## Southern by choice

An atheist was seated next to a dusty old cowboy on an airplane and he turned to him and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The old cowboy, who had just started to read his book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

“Okay,” he said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the old cowboy's intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

To which the cowboy replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know crap?”


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## Ridgetop




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## guardianoftheherd

Hahahahahaha!These are great!

What do you call a cow with a twitch? – Beef jerky.

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? – Laughing stock.

What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef.

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? lean beef.

What do you call a cow with 4 legs? normal.(I bet you though really hard on that one...)

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

knock knock. who is there? cows go. cows go who? no cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo


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## Southern by choice




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## RollingAcres

Hahahah good ones @Southern by choice and @guardianoftheherd !


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## RollingAcres




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## Bruce

You and your horse look quite comfortable RA!


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## RollingAcres

Bruce said:


> You and your horse look quite comfortable RA!


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## Devonviolet




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## Baymule




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## Devonviolet




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## Finnie

Because this has a pickup truck in it, my DH said maybe my farm peeps would like it:




I’m surprised I had to go back so far to find a humor thread here. All the other sister sites’ humor threads are current and active. I suppose if we are all getting our humor there, we don’t need any here? Or, maybe we can revive this one!


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## Bruce

My DDs say I'm not funny.


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## mystang89

Finnie said:


> Because this has a pickup truck in it, my DH said maybe my farm peeps would like it:
> View attachment 78915
> I’m surprised I had to go back so far to find a humor thread here. All the other sister sites’ humor threads are current and active. I suppose if we are all getting our humor there, we don’t need any here? Or, maybe we can revive this one!


LMBO!


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## Grant

What’s another description of retreating rabbits......










A receding “hare” line.


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## mystang89

Grant said:


> What’s another description of retreating rabbits......
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A receding “hare” line.



LOL


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## Baymule

We are raising a steer, going to split him with DD and family. The granddaughters have "met" him and I told them, "There is your steaks, hamburger and beef roasts." The two little ones, age 5 and 4, were ready to get their knives and forks. LOL

I've been after my daughter to get a freezer for a long time, with no where to put a half a steer, she finally broke down and bought one. When it was delivered, the 4 year old got excited and yelled, "MEAT! That is my MEAT freezer! I like MEAT!" 



Got a FaceTime call from the granddaughters yesterday. They asked to see the pigs and I reminded them the pigs are in the freezer. Oh, was their reply. Then the little one bragged on her new freezer and excitedly said, “That’s where we are going to put our COW!”


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## Bruce

And the older GD??


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## farmerjan

Was going through some of the posts, and I saw the one @Baymule  posted of the "welcome to Texas" sign..... The sad thing is that with all the idiots from states like Calf infiltrating, it will be considered "politically incorrect and insensitive"   and probably be banned by the wusses......


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## Bruce

Is that the one that says "now go home"? 
If so it is missing the middle line : "empty your wallet" 
Every state loves tourist dollars


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## Baymule

Bruce said:


> Is that the one that says "now go home"?
> If so it is missing the middle line : "empty your wallet"
> Every state loves tourist dollars


See page 26



Bruce said:


> And the older GD??



She likes meat too.


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## thistlebloom

Here's a joke Syringa told me...  

Knock knock.
_Who's there?_
Whinny!
_Whinny who?_
Whinny we gonna go ride?


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## Grant




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## Baymule

That same ad keeps stalking me........


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## frustratedearthmother

I love it!


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## Finnie




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## Beekissed




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## Finnie

__
		https://www.reddit.com/r/Zoomies/comments/ksq7w1

Anyone want a chuckle this morning?


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## Bruce

The dog cheats!!!! 
Looks like it is having a really good time. The person futility chasing the dog ... not so much.


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## Beekissed




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## Beekissed




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## SA Farm




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## Grizzlyhackle

Mobile pizza kitchen from Baltimore. You'll have to enlarge it.


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## Bruce

*I* do NOT eat cow pies!!


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## Poka_Doodle

For some reason I think there is a chance this is true


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## Grizzlyhackle

Needed that smile this morning.  I also thought the email alert said " I sow sheep"


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## Beekissed

I'm the snow lover in this scenario....    









						Winter Lover vs Hater | Which are you?! Lover or hater?!  Ft. Charlie Berens | By Dude Dad | Facebook
					

11M views, 65K likes, 7.2K loves, 10K comments, 44K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dude Dad: Which are you?! Lover or hater?!  Ft. Charlie Berens




					fb.watch


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## CLSranch

I'm the snow hater. Wearing thermals into the 60's


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## Bruce

Very funny!!


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## Beekissed

CLSranch said:


> I'm the snow hater. Wearing thermals into the 60's


Our neighbor is older and from NJ....he rolled up on his 4 wheeler the other day and my son and I are out there in shirt sleeves, though my son's shirt had no sleeves.  The neighbor was bundled up in a jacket.....now it's 69* out there, a balmy breeze blowing lightly and I was just joking to my son a minute prior to that about going and getting my shorts on if I continued to feel this hot while working.   The neighbor exclaimed over us not wearing jackets and my son and I looked at one another and laughed....had to tell him what the joke was.  He just shook his head and drove away.  

Winter coats at *69 degrees??  Might as well kill me and get it over with!  Us fatties have a huge layer of insulation that's built in, so we overheat easily and welcome the snow like a long lost brother.


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## thistlebloom

Snow lover!


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## Bruce

A coat at 69°F? Heck we didn't even wear a sweater at that temp when I was growing up in So. Cal! Jersey gets a LOT colder than where I grew up. It hardly ever goes down to 45°F there. Of course THEN we would wear our winter coats.


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## Poka_Doodle

Snow lover here  I don't love chores in the cold weather, but I get to ski


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## Finnie

A new Ace Hardware opened up near us recently, but apparently they couldn’t wait until they were fully stocked...


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## Beekissed




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## Poka_Doodle




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## Beekissed

Who's the one person?  Don't recognize that lady......?


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## Alasgun

My vote would go to ”The Lord” as the only person who could make it go away Without a trace.


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## Beekissed

Alasgun said:


> My vote would go to ”The Lord” as the only person who could make it go away Without a trace.


Amen!


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## Beekissed




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## Chiknoodle

Beekissed said:


>


I. LOVE.  THAT!


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## Chiknoodle

TAH said:


> *"You know you're a farm girl when you...*
> 10/27/2016
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *...powder your toes rather than your nose,
> ...break a nail, and head for the tool shed,
> ..."fall off the wagon" it's a hay wagon, and you laugh and climb back on,
> ...the only pair of heels you own are made of mud,
> ...rather than "shop till you drop", you chop (veggies) till you drop,
> ...comb your hair, and more hay than hair comes out,
> ...accidentally call a CD cover a seed packet,
> ...meet someone from Holland, and accidentally say they're from New Holland,
> ...the only time you get on the scale is to weigh produce,
> ...pour concrete and sheet a roof one minute, and make dinner the next,
> ...you go "shopping" and come back with fish meal,
> ...say to your husband, "Honey, I need a ring,"  it's to go on a canning jar rather than your finger,
> ...pack a lunch, and put it in a Napa Auto Parts bag,
> ...find a green bean in the washing machine,
> ...grotesque is a fitting adjective for your brother's dirty socks, and you consider using nitrile gloves to turn them right side out and carry them to the laundry,
> ...after a days work, your arm feels too tired to lift your toothbrush,
> 
> To be continued as we live farm life...
> By the farmers at
> He's Alive! Farm*


So true!!!!  But you forgot to put...  when you put on shorts when it’s muddy outside and you have to wash your legs every time you come in


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## Beekissed




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## Finnie

My husband took this picture while he was out today. Said he thought my BYH friends would get a kick out of it. (Sorry it’s kind of political. Just try to ignore that part.)


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## farmerjan

OH,  I LOOOOOVE  THAT !!!!!!!!


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