# Jokes and Fun!



## AmberLops (Aug 16, 2019)

Starting this thread for anyone who likes jokes and wants to share them!
You can post your jokes, memes, limericks...anything...even Aggie jokes 
I'll start with the first one...

What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas


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## B&B Happy goats (Aug 16, 2019)

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes  and no legs ?
Still .....no idea


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## AmberLops (Aug 16, 2019)

Ha ha ha! 
It's so not funny that's it's funny


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## B&B Happy goats (Aug 17, 2019)

What happens  when a duck flys up side down ?

It quacks up !


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## CntryBoy777 (Aug 17, 2019)




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## B&B Happy goats (Aug 17, 2019)

CntryBoy777 said:


> View attachment 65237


...so true


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## AmberLops (Aug 17, 2019)

Ha ha ha!
You guys are too funny  I'll have to come up with another joke...


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## CntryBoy777 (Aug 18, 2019)

.....we tried it on the sofa....we tried it on the chair....we tried it on the window sill, but couldn't get it there....we tried it on the staircase and up against the wall...we even tried the living room, but it didn't work at all....we tried it this way and that way and it really made me laugh....to see how many ways we tried to take a photograph............keep your mind outta the gutter....


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## B&B Happy goats (Aug 18, 2019)

CntryBoy777 said:


> .....we tried it on the sofa....we tried it on the chair....we tried it on the window sill, but couldn't get it there....we tried it on the staircase and up against the wall...we even tried the living room, but it didn't work at all....we tried it this way and that way and it really made me laugh....to see how many ways we tried to take a photograph............keep your mind outta the gutter....


was having a moment there Fred...lol


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## AmberLops (Aug 18, 2019)

CntryBoy777 said:


> .....we tried it on the sofa....we tried it on the chair....we tried it on the window sill, but couldn't get it there....we tried it on the staircase and up against the wall...we even tried the living room, but it didn't work at all....we tried it this way and that way and it really made me laugh....to see how many ways we tried to take a photograph............keep your mind outta the gutter....


Ha ha ha!


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## AmberLops (Aug 18, 2019)

Why does the milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder!


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## AmberLops (Aug 18, 2019)

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose!


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## B&B Happy goats (Aug 18, 2019)

Why can't  witches  have babies  ? 

Cuz their husbands have Halloweenies


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## AmberLops (Aug 18, 2019)

B&B Happy goats said:


> Why can't  witches  have babies  ?
> 
> Cuz their husbands have Halloweenies


Oh lordy!


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## RollingAcres (Aug 20, 2019)

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod any cod


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## B&B Happy goats (Aug 20, 2019)

RollingAcres said:


> What did the fisherman say to the magician?
> 
> Pick a cod any cod


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## AmberLops (Aug 20, 2019)

Ha ha ha! I love that one @RollingAcres  !


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## AmberLops (Aug 20, 2019)

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.


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## AmberLops (Aug 20, 2019)

A Spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3...
He says "Uno, Dos.."  then *poof*...he disappeared without a tres


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## CntryBoy777 (Aug 25, 2019)

There was an elderly woman whose husband of 40yrs, had passed a year or so ago, and she was feeling lonely....she decided to go to the nearby pet shop and find a pet for company....she walked in and the man there greeted her...."how are you today Mrs Martin?"......"just fine, thank you, and you?"...she replied....."what can I help ya with"....."well, as ya know Harvey passed and I'm lonely, so I was something to keep me company".....as the man was thinking, she spotted a beautiful parrot on a perch and asked the man how much he wanted for the bird....."now Mrs Martin, I know ya are a nice church going woman, and that bird use to belong to a sailor and he has learned some words that ya wouldn't want to hear....I have some parakeets here and will sell ya 2 for the price of one".....she replied, "it will be just fine...I'll take this one"....."I'll tell ya what I'll do....you take him home with ya and if there is any problem....any problem at all and I'll take him back and return your money"....."sounds good", said Mrs Martin....so, she gets home and sets up the cage and perch and tells the bird...."look, I will not have any cussing in my house...I'm a God fearing woman and won't stand for it"....to which the bird replied...."Auk!...*itch ya ain't sh1t".....I'm telling ya right now to stop that or evey time ya cuss ya will be put in the fridge for 5mins....."Auk!!....*itch ya ain't sh1t".....okay, I warned ya....so, after 5mins she takes bim out and places him on the perch...feathers fluffed out a little, I mean it...no more cussing...."Auk!!...*itch ya ain't sh1t"....okay, now it is 10mins....so, this continued til the parrot was in ther for 20mins....she goes and gets him out, places him on the perch.....feathers fully ruffled, eyes halfway shut, and gives a few shakes....."Auk!!....just 1 question"....Mrs Martin is thinking, well we are making progress, at least he isn't cussing....okay, what is the question...."Auk!!....what the He// did the damn Turkey do?".....


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## AmberLops (Aug 25, 2019)

CntryBoy777 said:


> There was an elderly woman whose husband of 40yrs, had passed a year or so ago, and she was feeling lonely....she decided to go to the nearby pet shop and find a pet for company....she walked in and the man there greeted her...."how are you today Mrs Martin?"......"just fine, thank you, and you?"...she replied....."what can I help ya with"....."well, as ya know Harvey passed and I'm lonely, so I was something to keep me company".....as the man was thinking, she spotted a beautiful parrot on a perch and asked the man how much he wanted for the bird....."now Mrs Martin, I know ya are a nice church going woman, and that bird use to belong to a sailor and he has learned some words that ya wouldn't want to hear....I have some parakeets here and will sell ya 2 for the price of one".....she replied, "it will be just fine...I'll take this one"....."I'll tell ya what I'll do....you take him home with ya and if there is any problem....any problem at all and I'll take him back and return your money"....."sounds good", said Mrs Martin....so, she gets home and sets up the cage and perch and tells the bird...."look, I will not have any cussing in my house...I'm a God fearing woman and won't stand for it"....to which the bird replied...."Auk!...*itch ya ain't sh1t".....I'm telling ya right now to stop that or evey time ya cuss ya will be put in the fridge for 5mins....."Auk!!....*itch ya ain't sh1t".....okay, I warned ya....so, after 5mins she takes bim out and places him on the perch...feathers fluffed out a little, I mean it...no more cussing...."Auk!!...*itch ya ain't sh1t"....okay, now it is 10mins....so, this continued til the parrot was in ther for 20mins....she goes and gets him out, places him on the perch.....feathers fully ruffled, eyes halfway shut, and gives a few shakes....."Auk!!....just 1 question"....Mrs Martin is thinking, well we are making progress, at least he isn't cussing....okay, what is the question...."Auk!!....what the He// did the damn Turkey do?".....


Ha ha ha!


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## RollingAcres (Aug 26, 2019)

Bahahahahaa!!!


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## AmberLops (Aug 26, 2019)

Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?

They each got 6 months!


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## AmberLops (Aug 26, 2019)

What does a nut say when it sneezes?

Cashew 

I can't help but think these corny jokes are funny!


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## HomesteaderWife (Nov 25, 2019)

It eventually sold....but I had a laugh seeing this at an antique store back in 2017. I just stumbled back on the pictures while looking through my photo collection:

_"Vintage Nautical Decor"_


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## thistlebloom (Nov 25, 2019)

HomesteaderWife said:


> It eventually sold....but I had a laugh seeing this at an antique store back in 2017. I just stumbled back on the pictures while looking through my photo collection:
> 
> _"Vintage Nautical Decor"_
> 
> View attachment 67690



Of course! They are used when riding Sea-horses!


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## AmberLops (Nov 25, 2019)

Oh my! That's pretty funny 
Did you say anything?? It would be hard for me not to!


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## HomesteaderWife (Nov 26, 2019)

@AmberLops - Honestly I did not! It's a giant flea market where people leave their stuff in the booths and the place the size of Walmart has like two people running the checkout counter. I walked past and was like - _Oh, someone is selling their old bit to be farmhouse decor...how much are they trying to get for it? Wait....wait....nautical? _
Had a great laugh with the family and went on browsing in other booths hah!


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## farmerjan (Nov 27, 2019)

B&B Happy goats said:


> Why can't  witches  have babies  ?
> 
> Cuz their husbands have Halloweenies


I practically fell out of the chair over that one.


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## farmerjan (Nov 27, 2019)

Not a joke, but a few words for thought...
Worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.


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## AmberLops (Nov 28, 2019)

farmerjan said:


> Not a joke, but a few words for thought...
> Worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.


So true...but i still manage to worry about everything! I wish i could throw out that rocking chair


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## cluckmecoop7 (Jan 27, 2020)

More, more!!!


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## CrazyAboutAnimals (Mar 24, 2020)




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## mystang89 (Apr 20, 2020)

farmerjan said:


> Not a joke, but a few words for thought...
> Worrying is like a rocking chair, gives you something to do but doesn't get you anywhere.


Words to live by at this time in history!


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## wild stallion (May 17, 2020)

This is a riddle:
What is greater than God,
More evil than the devil,
The poor have it and
The rich need it................ ?


Nothing


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## wild stallion (May 17, 2020)

What gets wet while it is drying?

A towel


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## wild stallion (May 17, 2020)

Can I tell u a vegan joke ?

I promise it will not be cheesy.
 Haaaaaaaaaa


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## Grant (May 17, 2020)

After 30 years of delivering mail in the same neighborhood the local mailman was retiring. The local neighborhood decided they would each do something for the mailman as he went on his rounds on that final day. When he got to one home he knocked on the door and inside was the beautiful lady in the house dressed in sexy négligée. She invited him in and they had a wonderful morning of sex. After they were done she handed him an envelope and in the envelope was a dollar.
The mailman was completely confused. So he asked the woman why she had greeted him in that way. She said after she and her husband talked about what to do for the mailman the husband’s reply was screw him give him a dollar.


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## HomesteaderWife (May 23, 2020)

I might have to share some of my puns here.... according to my brother-in-law - "You'll make a great dad someday." Apparently they're so cheesy they're considered _dad jokes 
_


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