# Laughs for the day



## Poka_Doodle

After @Sumi brought the quotes for the day thread here we decided that this thread should come from TSS. Please post your funny thing here, it takes a team to get a job done.


----------



## Poka_Doodle




----------



## Poka_Doodle




----------



## Poka_Doodle




----------



## Poka_Doodle




----------



## Poka_Doodle




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## Poka_Doodle

I'm pretty sure a boy wrote that Luke. That song was sung at our school but in a bit different term.


----------



## LukeMeister

lol yeah. XD Ah.


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Where are your funny photos?


----------



## LukeMeister

Here.


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Poka_Doodle

Thanks. I'll post some more soon


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Poka_Doodle

Lol


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Poka_Doodle

That's a good way to think of it. As long as you don't eat goat


----------



## Bossroo

I BBQ  goat whole carcasses in open pit, then gorge myself with the goat meat  while sharing with family and friends.


----------



## Goatgirl47

Bossroo said:


> I BBQ  goat whole carcasses in open pit, then gorge myself with the goat meat  while sharing with family and friends.



Yum! I can't wait to try goat's meat.


----------



## Goatgirl47




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## animalmom




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## LukeMeister

Sumi said:


> View attachment 15775


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Yeah I was cracking up too.


----------



## Baymule




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Baymule

Proud owner of Aisle 4 and in debt to the bank for more than my house cost!


----------



## Sumi




----------



## frustratedearthmother

I can so relate!


----------



## Baymule

My last load is still in the dryer.....running out of socks.....guess I'll have to go get them out.


----------



## greybeard

I just go buy more, same with dishes and glass wear.


----------



## frustratedearthmother

About the time I go buy more - all the old stuff comes out of hiding, lol!


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Poka_Doodle

My dad would love that


----------



## Southern by choice

greybeard said:


> I just go buy more, same with dishes and glass wear.


My son does the same.


----------



## samssimonsays




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## Poka_Doodle

Only the last loaded Luke


----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## LukeMeister

Poka_Doodle said:


> Only the last loaded Luke


Oops. Hang on.


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## frustratedearthmother

First I'd be like ....then like  and then like   MADE IT!!


----------



## LukeMeister

Set that as my background. XD


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Lol Luke. Saw where she got it and was laughing pretty hard


----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## Poka_Doodle

Lol Luke


----------



## LukeMeister

XD


----------



## Sumi




----------



## micah wotring

Haha yea.
If at first you don't succeed *sky diving is not for you.*


----------



## Baymule




----------



## GLENMAR




----------



## OneFineAcre




----------



## Sumi




----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## Poka_Doodle

X2


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## Sumi




----------



## TAH

Sumi said:


>


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Yup!!


----------



## TAH

Good ones @micah wotring


----------



## LukeMeister

micah wotring said:


>


 Same! XD


----------



## micah wotring

Sorry girls. Had to post it.


----------



## TAH

micah wotring said:


> Sorry girls. Had to post it.


Okay. How sorry are you? I am  not offended was sitting here laughing my self .


----------



## micah wotring

Just tryin' to be kind.


----------



## TAH

micah wotring said:


> Just tryin' to be kind.


Good.


----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## TAH

LukeMeister said:


>


What are you laughing about?


----------



## LukeMeister

TAH said:


> What are you laughing about?


The bird joke. XP


----------



## CinnamonEli

micah wotring said:


> Sorry girls. Had to post it.


My brother showed me this pic a while back...  as quiet as some girls are, it could be 4 males and 1 female!


----------



## TAH

CinnamonEli said:


> My brother showed me this pic a while back...  as quiet as some girls are, it could be 4 males and 1 female!


That is how it is at our house. The girls are quite and the boys are loud. Except those few times when I go full . .


----------



## CinnamonEli

I tiptoe around the house all the time.  No one hears me come and go...


----------



## Poka_Doodle

I'd agree. The boys go full on and play three sports while the girls just do one.


----------



## TAH

*Meat eaters make you behave vegetarians - YouTube *


----------



## TAH

*Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, And Nobody*

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done


----------



## micah wotring

Just like how some people need... a hi five... in the face... with a chair...


----------



## micah wotring

Haha, we win. Sorry vegans!
(ps, I understand if you don't want to support factory farms, good job. Still funny)


----------



## LukeMeister




----------



## TAH




----------



## micah wotring

Haha, sounds like my little bro. Gotta love it!


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

I be the jeans guy! XD


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Haha, yup!


----------



## micah wotring

I'll slow down for a while now. (MAYBE!) XD


----------



## Dage

micah wotring said:


> I'll slow down for a while now. (MAYBE!) XD


keep em coming i need some laughs!


----------



## Southern by choice

this is funny!


----------



## micah wotring

XD, here @Dage 




Most of the studio c videos are pretty funny. Some are weird but most are pretty funny.


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Southern by choice

Having a farm means fixing stuff.
Thought it was pretty funny... and true! 

*TOOLS EXPLAINED*

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh##'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. 
If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. It's best use is for igniting new seat covers.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. 

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. 

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and plashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. 

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.  

SON OF A B**** TOOL : Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b**** at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need, and at times must be retrieved from across the road. 

*God bless America Home of the Free because of the Brave*


----------



## LukeMeister

So true on so many levels!


----------



## micah wotring

Haha, yup, u-hu, yes, yessss!!, totally...

Really liked the hammer, pry bar, and vice grips. That's exactly how it is.

XD XD XD XD


----------



## misfitmorgan

Love it!

Also

Wrench commonly used to smack/scrap your knuckles across objects adjacent to the thing your trying to use the wrench on.

Ratchet and sockets a must have tool for working on most all machinery, you will never have the right sized sockets for the job  you are working on, even if you KNOW you have bought it...twice.

Cordless Drill used for irritation as it is always either dead when you try to start a project or dies 3-4 screws into it.


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Totally true!


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## micah wotring

XD like if I had a nickel for every time you got on my nerves... I'd have a sock full of nickels to hit you with!

I like everybody. Some people I like to talk too. Some people I like to be around. Some people I like to high-five.. in the face... with a chair....

Some people are like slinkies. They both bring a smile to your face when pushed down a flight of stairs.

The funniest on this thread so far was the list of tools. XD Thanks for that @Southern by choice !!


----------



## misfitmorgan

Mind over matter.....you dont matter and i dont mind


----------



## LukeMeister

micah wotring said:


> XD like if I had a nickel for every time you got on my nerves... I'd have a sock full of nickels to hit you with!
> 
> I like everybody. Some people I like to talk too. Some people I like to be around. Some people I like to high-five.. in the face... with a chair....
> 
> Some people are like slinkies. They both bring a smile to your face when pushed down a flight of stairs.
> 
> The funniest on this thread so far was the list of tools. XD Thanks for that @Southern by choice !!


IKR???


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Lol Micah


----------



## samssimonsays

I feel this way often


----------



## frustratedearthmother

OMG! I nearly fell out of my chair!


----------



## samssimonsays

frustratedearthmother said:


> OMG! I nearly fell out of my chair!


That's actually my photo of our first Pyrenees, case


----------



## Sumi

YES, YES, YES!


----------



## Baymule




----------



## Baymule




----------



## frustratedearthmother

LOVE IT!


----------



## Poka_Doodle

X2


----------



## TAH

x3


----------



## micah wotring

A poler bear eatin' marshmallows in a snow storm! (Tigger from Pooh Bear)












Hmmm, it stops at 5. That explains it. I've got 11 people in my family. Sooooo, yeah. You just have to guess who Mom wants. XD


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Haha, only a couple more years.


----------



## Southern by choice

micah wotring said:


> Hmmm, it stops at 5. That explains it. I've got 11 people in my family. Sooooo, yeah. You just have to guess who Mom wants. XD



I can attest to this. I have 9 - there are 11 of us too. Doesn't matter how many are already grown and gone... still... it really is "well you know who I meant"


----------



## NH homesteader

Umm for  one you must be absurdly patient to have 9 children.  Also...  The real question is how often do you start saying animal names before you get to the human  kids name?


----------



## Southern by choice

NH homesteader said:


> Umm for  one you must be absurdly patient to have 9 children.  Also...  The real question is how often do you start saying animal names before you get to the human  kids name?



I haven't done that. ... yet 
Patience? Nah  I just really like my kids.
Great kids? Yeah


----------



## frustratedearthmother

Southern by choice said:


> Patience? Nah I just really like my kids.


Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!  That's so darn sweet!   It takes a special person to be able handle 9 children and stay relatively sane, lol!


----------



## Green Acres Farm

I'm one of 8. 

Don't name more than one kid starting with the same letter. 

Two of the boys have names starting with 'J' and my dad mixes them up, so he told my brother he would pay him a nickel every time he called my brother by the wrong name. 

My brother got a lot of money.


----------



## micah wotring

frustratedearthmother said:


> It takes a special person to be able handle 9 children and stay relatively sane, lol!


Oh, my mom is very special.


----------



## Southern by choice

Green Acres Farm said:


> I'm one of 8.
> 
> Don't name more than one kid starting with the same letter.
> 
> Two of the boys have names starting with 'J' and my dad mixes them up, so he told my brother he would pay him a nickel every time he called my brother by the wrong name.
> 
> My brother got a lot of money.



I just don't get the everyone have the same first initial....  I see that alot... I do have quite a few that end in "-ah" so one of my boys did not get named Josiah because I was thinking NO WAY I am gonna be having kids running in asking if I called them because the "-ah" is accented... I do have two that have the same first letter but one is a boy and one a girl so don't get them mixed up.... too often


----------



## micah wotring

Southern by choice said:


> I just don't get the everyone have the same first initial....  I see that alot... I do have quite a few that end in "-ah" so one of my boys did not get named Josiah because I was thinking NO WAY I am gonna be having kids running in asking if I called them because the "-ah" is accented... I do have two that have the same first letter but one is a boy and one a girl so don't get them mixed up.... too often


My two sisters are Amy Joy Wotring(21) and Ann Janae Wotring(19) and they just realized a few years ago that they share initials. XD IDK how they didn't notice all those years.


----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## misfitmorgan

I'm one of 11 sibs....my rl name is Katherine mom calls me Kathy and my sisters name is Kari...got mixed up all the time and on top of it we are only 13 months apart.


----------



## sadieml

I am #5 of 6.  I remember when I was about 8 (before #6 came along) Mama laughed 'til she cried when I said, "Mama, I don't mind so much when you say Carla, Janece, Jody, I mean, Lesa Gail, but I hate it when you call me Bobby!"  BoB and I have only 3, but we did lose 6 along the way.  I would have loved to have all 9, but the Lord had other plans.  As is, I guess 3 awesome kids should be enough.  My eldest sister says we should have stopped with 1 when we got DH's MS diagnosis because we're so poor.  I just say not having money means we live in poverty, but those 3 incredible kids make us RICH!

ALSO, when DS #2 was about 10 or 12 he said (at the dinner table one night) "Daddy, when I make my first million dollars, I'm gonna give it all to you so you and Mommy don't ever have to worry about money again."  Just about a year ago, then 17, he told DH for his b-day, "I haven't forgotten my promise."  How's that for a great kid?

Sorry, I almost forgot this thread is for laughs.  Okay, here goes...

Roses are grey.  Violets are grey.  Everything's grey.  I'm a dog.


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Alexz7272

Not a meme or joke really but my work glove went missing. Guess who had it?  



 

 
I need that sir! 
P.s. He just stole it again as I wrote this


----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## frustratedearthmother

Pup's!  Gotta love 'em!


----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## Bossroo

Ooooh, Oooooh   professor -- if you take one strand of the baling twine, you can floss your teeth with it.


----------



## micah wotring

Southern by choice said:


> View attachment 23126


Yessssssss!


----------



## Sumi




----------



## micah wotring

I. Love. How. When. You. Read. This. Your. Brain. Makes. Those. Little. Pauses.

Haha, did this get anyone else?


----------



## LukeMeister

Wow. That's pretty cool. XD


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## NH homesteader

That is the cutest!


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Yup!


----------



## micah wotring

Hahaha, yessss.


----------



## micah wotring

My feelings exactly!


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## Green Acres Farm

My 18 month little sister saw our Saanen pooping. She picked up one of her pellets and tried to put it back in her (the goat's) behind...


----------



## Green Acres Farm

And, yes, we washed her hands.


----------



## Southern by choice

My friends daughter thought it was a raisin ... the sheer panic, washing hands, washing out mouth, calling the dr.... so not funny but it has become a "remember when" tale.


----------



## Green Acres Farm

Southern by choice said:


> My friends daughter thought it was a raisin ... the sheer panic, washing hands, washing out mouth, calling the dr.... so not funny but it has become a "remember when" tale.


My brother's done that (with dog poop)... And he wasn't a baby... We were all laughing and he was crying and washing his mouth out with soap.


----------



## Green Acres Farm

_Why_ he picked up a "raisin" off the floor and put it in his mouth- I have no idea.


----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## Green Acres Farm




----------



## TAH




----------



## Bruce

Um, the secret to a clean (as in uncluttered) house is to never let my WIFE enter it!


----------



## TAH

Bruce said:


> Um, the secret to a clean (as in uncluttered) house is to never let my WIFE enter it!


That is what my dad would say!!


----------



## TAH




----------



## TAH




----------



## TAH




----------



## TAH




----------



## TAH




----------



## samssimonsays

I will never look at steak the same again without giggling! 


 

 

 

 

 


Fridays got me like:


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## samssimonsays

I know the snow tires well and the never argue with kids is priceless! Sounds like something my little cousin would ask!


----------



## NH homesteader

Oh the summer tires  club,  it's perfect


----------



## micah wotring

Yes, I know there's Alaskans and Canadians here BUT y'all know what I'm talking about.


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

XD Okay, I can stop now.


----------



## Sumi




----------



## frustratedearthmother




----------



## TAH




----------



## Poka_Doodle

Sumi said:


> View attachment 15289


I found this in the member's pictures and wanted to say that over the summer I shared it with my cousin who runs Cross Country and distance track. His response was not happening.


----------



## TAH




----------



## Bruce

Yes I can! 

Interesting. What truly screws me is when people don't use punctuation and/or capitalization to create sentences. I hate that, way too much work to figure it out and I often just skip those posts. Even starting each sentence on a new line would help.


----------



## NH homesteader

Yes but can you tell what the words are if you read them in isolation? Much harder!


----------



## Bruce

Yes I can, but yes a bit harder. If they made a nonsense paragraph I'm sure it would be harder as well. Context helps.


----------



## NH homesteader

I didn't mean you specifically but I think it's much harder for everyone  lol. But I don't believe that I my 55/100 people can read it in context.  I'm pretty sure most people can.


----------



## OneFineAcre




----------



## animalmom

Good one @OneFineAcre!


----------



## Green Acres Farm




----------



## Goat Whisperer

Crying cause I can read that tiny tiny print


----------



## TAH

x2 GW


----------



## Green Acres Farm




----------



## NH homesteader




----------



## TAH




----------



## micah wotring

Haha, I've got to admit, I have a few people in mind. XD


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Agreed!!!


----------



## NH homesteader

Thinking of the fellow northerners! 
@misfitmorgan @samssimonsays @Bruce and anyone else who hasn't felt their toes in a few days!


----------



## misfitmorgan

NH homesteader said:


> Thinking of the fellow northerners!
> @misfitmorgan @samssimonsays @Bruce and anyone else who hasn't felt their toes in a few days! View attachment 25471



Definately!!


----------



## Bruce

I have toes??


----------



## Poka_Doodle

I'm not sure what your talking about when you say toes.


----------



## misfitmorgan




----------



## Green Acres Farm

Gracie, my Schnorkie, playing with a balloon:


----------



## BlessedWithGoats

Cute!!


----------



## TAH

Very cute!


----------



## Green Acres Farm




----------



## Bruce




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Bruce




----------



## micah wotring

Haha, this cracked me up.


----------



## TAH




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Whew! Good thang they put a sign up! XD


----------



## micah wotring

Aaaaand here's one for all you guys out there like my brother who laughs at anything and everything related to toilets...and such


----------



## micah wotring

Green Acres Farm said:


> https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=65jVs_1OEE4


Hmmm, the link didn't work for me.


----------



## micah wotring

Green Acres Farm said:


> https://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=65jVs_1OEE4


Both of the links just take me to the YouTube home page. Sorry you're having trouble.


----------



## micah wotring

Google buy me a boat by Chris Janson. XD


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Lemme know if y'all want some more. I found a whole bunch of them! XD


----------



## Baymule

New Year's Resolution.....get in better shape!

*A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
*
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, My husband purchased  a week of personal training for me at the local health club.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.....

*MONDAY:
*
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines..

I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________

*TUESDAY:*

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________

*WEDNESDAY:*

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?

Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other c*** too.
_______________________________

*THURSDAY:*

B***h***was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________

*FRIDAY:*

I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the stupid barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
*SATURDAY:*

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.

Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however,

I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel...
________________________________

*SUNDAY:*
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.

I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


----------



## Green Acres Farm

http://www.weedemandreap.com/cloth-diapers-goats/


----------



## Southern by choice

@Baymule  that cracked me up!  

I may have posted this before but it still makes me laugh every time!


----------



## Baymule

I love it!!


----------



## micah wotring

Well, that ended quickly! XD


----------



## Sumi




----------



## 2ewesandmoreonthego




----------



## 2ewesandmoreonthego

i


TAH said:


>


 can lol


----------



## Sumi




----------



## micah wotring

Some of us just gotta settle for a calendar...


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

When you were just about to go have some fun and you remember you have to do school today


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Doesn't make much sense, does it?


----------



## micah wotring

lol


I'm having too much fun with these. 
I guess that's what the thread is for though... more are coming!


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring

Here's a phrase I heard recently: Practice doesn't make perfect. Practice makes consistency. Perfect practice makes perfect.


----------



## micah wotring

The confusing life of a kid


----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## micah wotring




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Latestarter




----------



## Bruce

Nice find @Sumi  !!!


----------



## Sumi

@Bruce I laughed so hard when I found that one, I had to share!


----------



## frustratedearthmother

Yes that one is hilarious!!!


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi

Hmmm, yeah!


----------



## frustratedearthmother

yes!


----------



## CLSranch

Yes


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Yes


----------



## TAH

Yes


----------



## TAH




----------



## Poka_Doodle

In that case my kitten has been plotting to kill me for nearly a year...


----------



## TAH




----------



## lcertuche

Sumi said:


> View attachment 27637


What every parent wants to hear!


----------



## Bruce

In their worst nightmare @lcertuche !!


----------



## lcertuche




----------



## lcertuche




----------



## Sumi




----------



## micah wotring

Sumi said:


> View attachment 28830


 Poor guy!


----------



## Sumi




----------



## Sumi




----------



## Southern by choice

ain't that the truth!


----------



## Poka_Doodle

Agreed.


----------



## Baymule




----------



## NH homesteader




----------



## TAH




----------



## Chicken Girl




----------



## Chicken Girl




----------



## misfitmorgan




----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## Baymule

*At dawn the telephone rings.*

*"Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."*


*"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" *

*"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead."*

*"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?" *

*"Si, Señor, that's the one."*

*"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?" *

*"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob."*

*"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?" *

*"Nobody, Señor. He eat the meat of the dead horse."*

*"Dead horse? What dead horse?" *

*"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob ..."*

*"My prize thoroughbred is dead?" *

*"Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."*

*"Are you insane? What water cart?" *

*"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."*

*"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about man?" *

*"The one at your house Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."*

*"What the hell? Are you saying that my country mansion is destroyed because of a candle?" 
"Yes, Señor Bob."*


*"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?" *

*"For the funeral, Señor Bob ..."*

*"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??" *

*"Your wife, Señor Bob. She show up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."*

*SILENCE...........*

*LONG SILENCE.........*

*VERY LONG SILENCE............ *

*"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, your fired*


----------



## Chicken Girl




----------



## Chicken Girl




----------



## Chicken Girl

This story was rather funny 

My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time,  I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe, “How did you kill that fly all by yourself?”
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.”


----------



## Southern by choice




----------



## TAH




----------



## mustangrooster




----------



## mustangrooster




----------



## mustangrooster




----------



## Baymule

mustangrooster said:


>



Is this why I never have any money????


----------



## kdogg331

Sumi said:


> View attachment 14626





Sumi said:


> View attachment 14627



Idk why it wont quote these. :/

But saw them on the home page and found this thread LOL these are great



mustangrooster said:


>





mustangrooster said:


>



ADORABLE


----------



## Heather Feather

TAH said:


> View attachment 32062


----------



## kdogg331

I found a great one the other day 

But alas, I can't seem to post any pictures now :/

Nifty has been helping me but I told him it can wait as I know they're really busy with the move!


----------



## Poka_Doodle

When a cake explodes on you, make sure you get it on your face, and everywhere else.


----------



## BunnyBoxHop




----------



## Rammy

TAH said:


>


Just found this and understood it. Im more messed up than I thought.


----------



## B&B Happy goats

Rammy said:


> Just found this and understood it. Im more messed up than I thought.


Oh no....i read that easier than most stuff i read


----------



## Rammy

Baymule said:


> Is this why I never have any money????


Been there, done that, would do it again that.


----------

