# horse & husband related frustrations....



## promiseacres (Apr 20, 2017)

Ok so a brief background. Last year my Mom offered her deceased husband's horse, Duke. Duke is a 18 year old Morgan. Has been extensively trail ridden, ect. I rode him on the trails and felt he would do ok, though he does like to lead and can get a bit antsy. In college I rode ALOT and all kinds of horses. but since then haven't had riding horses due to life and no one to ride with. My kids are 2, 5 and 8. So it seemed like a good thing to back into. We went camping with the horses with family later in the summer borrowed their horses. Just as it wasn't easy to bring Duke and the camper.... Duke did pretty good last summer and fall, was rode by a friend's daughter and my own kids in our horse pens.  And my Mom offered us Magician his brother, we knew Magician needed more time but he ended up being a total BUTT.... so sent him back. And in the meantime (a family of 5 does need more than 1 horse, right?) I found and bought Richie, my hafflinger. 
 In any case last week I had a Whitney, who trains as a hobby come give the  Duke and Richie a spring tune up as it's been since December that Duke had been worked.... And Richie can be somewhat spooky but just mostly looks. I frankly can be a timid rider and am not a trainer. So she's focusing on Duke as he's showing a lot of attitude and being a butt. Not bad but it's making me realize despite his age and training he needs regular riding....  My DH who last fall was all for the 2nd trail horse.... has not ridden since September. And many times fusses when I do work with them as there's other "more" important things to do. Sometimes he might be right, but the horses NEED time if they are going to be safe sane trail horses. I don't know... he's upset I'm paying someone to work with them as he thinks I should be able to do it....but when and when they are naughty I again am not a trainer.... DH does have issues with pain in his bad ankle, that was broke 2 years ago and I know he prefers trail riding other than riding on our 4 acres....  I guess I should of stuck to 1 horse... and we could borrow when/if he decides he wants to ride. but now I have Richie, who frankly is sincerely a horse I've wanted for a long time. And is such a kind hearted boy. Am very tempted to send Duke back to my Mom's BUT she never enjoyed riding him and really wants him to stay in the family, and she DOES not need another horse, she's still trying to decide who stays down to 6 from 12. Or my friend's who introduced me to Whitney are looking for a horse... not sure he's a good match but can talk to Whitney about that as she's been giving lessons to their daughter. I think he'll be  good but needs worked consistently and am sure certain fussy behaviors she's working with him on were ignored in the past. If I knew for sure I had someone to come over and ride I wouldn't worry so much. My oldest likes to ride but he's a boy and not super into it.... and my girls are just too young to ride/work a horse UGH!!!! thanks for reading and open to any outside opinions. Am so excited to be have riding horses again but really feeling like it's getting too stressful.


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## NH homesteader (Apr 20, 2017)

So are you asking if we think you should try to find a home for Duke? There are a lot of things to consider... I hope I don't offend you with this minor ramble but this is what I'm thinking...

Horses don't like being alone. So if you were to only have one horse, how would he do with that?

My husband grew up on a horse farm and he believes strongly that you should not have more horses than you can work with in a day. Also, you shouldn't feel like you have to keep him solely because your mother doesn't need more horses.

I also believe that you and your husband need to discuss/decide what exactly you want to do here, it's not a good situation to have frequent disagreements about livestock. 

Even when your girls are old enough to ride, they may or may not want to, and he may not be a safe horse for them. 

I don't think there is a "right" answer, but I think you and your family need to talk about it for sure.


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## promiseacres (Apr 20, 2017)

Yes am somewhat leaning towards getting rid of Duke... and Richie won't be alone as we have 3 minis, 1 of which is not going anywhere...
I know more conversations.... ugh.  I am hoping to see some improvement with his attitude. Right now we are working on his separation anxiety by tying him away from the others. (Which my husband thinks is unnecessary!? & is upset as the yard got tore up from Duke's pacing so I did find a new spot to tye him today. But am limited as bad timing with us seeding all 3 horse pastures on Saturday )  Whitney is taking him off property Sunday for a full day of hard riding.

We have a horse camp trip planned for Memorial day weekend and I just want the horses ready.... and my seasoned trail horse is being a butt.


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## samssimonsays (Apr 20, 2017)

I have to agree with the above. This is a big decision. ... is it possible you lease him out to someone who is wanting a horse but can't own one due to property or space? Then he is being used and ridden and he is still there for when you need him?


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## NH homesteader (Apr 20, 2017)

Well, I also would say that maybe just having Richie, who you are more comfortable with, might help you gain confidence so you can search for a second horse down the road (maybe when your girls are older) that will be a better fit.


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## AClark (Apr 20, 2017)

The thing is, it doesn't sound like DH is "into" the horses. He may like riding, but doesn't sound like he enjoys the general upkeep and all the work involved with keeping them good for riding. Most horses act goofy when they aren't ridden regularly. My DH is the same way, except he loves the horses, but hasn't ridden his yet, the difference is, I am confident when riding and can handle these guys, so if they act like a jackass, I'll tune them up myself. I understand having a bad ankle being a drawback, however, it's about how bad you want to do it. I've had a knee surgery, and on the same leg my hip, leg, and ankle have been broken - all but the ankle were horse riding accidents. I pay for it after I ride, but to me it is worth hobbling around for a couple of days, and it will get better with more riding (well, most of it.) There's no shame in not wanting to do something that hurts, but unless you can afford the tune ups for a horse that isn't getting ridden frequently enough to "maintain" the tune up, it's probably best to let him go and maybe find something more suitable - like an old dead broke horse that doesn't need tune ups. 

I don't mean to come across as blunt, but not all horses are made for all riders. I wouldn't dare put DH or any of my kids on my horse, as she's too much horse for them and she's always going to be a lot of horse - some are just that way, and they belong with people who can deal with it. She would hurt one of them for sure. The horse I bought for my kids I would put anyone on, the only trouble they might have is making her do something, as she's kind of lazy and only plow reins, which I'll fix after she foals. 

I think it would probably make everyone happier if your DH can just borrow a horse the few times he goes riding. Most folks don't want to ride a horse that's going to give them a bad time, and the only way to get them to stop giving you a bad time is to ride them more and work it out. Especially if it comes down to finances, either he needs to ride him more often to keep him in working shape, or let him go if affording someone constantly having to tune him up is prohibitive. I know it would be for me if I had to have my guys tuned up with any frequency, rather than hopping on and having some "come to Jesus" moments myself.


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## promiseacres (Apr 20, 2017)

@samssimonsays last fall I did have a teen riding him. But it got cold and she's been busy.... and she's fairly green. Very glad I have Whitney working with him. Definitely not easy to find an experienced trust worthy rider willing.
@NH homesteader DH totally doesn't understand my anxiety about riding... and the need for some experienced to help.... And yes my conflicting feelings are very frustrating. 

thanks for replying I just needed a safe place to rant with people who get my horse addiction.


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## Bunnylady (Apr 20, 2017)

Some observations on husbands . . . .

Sometimes, they just want to gripe. Doesn't matter what you do, they are gonna gripe. Maybe they don't really expect you to do anything about it, maybe it really doesn't have anything to do with the thing they are griping about at all - you "fix" that, they find something else to gripe about.

Husbands that aren't really horse people are notorious for fussing about anything, anything at all, having to do with horses. The expense, the smell, the time, the hay, the torn up grass . . . the kid rides around with his go-cart, doing more damage than a horse ever does, and he says nothing, but a couple of hoofprints in the driveway make him all cranky. But of course, the go-cart was his gift to the kid, so he's glad to see the kid playing with it, the other - well, that's the horse. 

Pathetic as it sounds, in the above scenario, the husband is actually jealous of the horse. It's a lot more common than we'd like to think; anything that takes wife's attention away from husband and his interests make him feel insecure and jealous. When he complains about the horse, what he's really saying is, "pay attention to ME!!"


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## promiseacres (Apr 20, 2017)

@AClark I agree not every horse and rider click
and Duke was doing decent when we didn't have another trail horse and being worked every week or there abouts. So I have hope that he will improve. I just hope we can keep him at a level where we don't get the attitude. I was never really keen on my mom's horses, they all seemed very spoiled brats, which Duke is showing me his brattyness.


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## AClark (Apr 20, 2017)

Bunny hit the nail on the head. I've found the only way to combat that is to get DH involved with the horse antics so it's spending time together AND with the horses. He likes them though.
Our gripe is over the stupid TV. I don't care for watching TV, he likes to watch it at bed time. I fell asleep at 8 the other night and haven't heard the end of it since, falling asleep during "our" TV time. However, it's ok that he falls asleep within 20 minutes of the TV coming on frequently - but that's ok because he's tired...wtf? lol


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## promiseacres (Apr 20, 2017)

@Bunnylady I think maybe you did get it!! As a teen I was so thrilled to meet a kind, hardworking guy who wanted to ride with me.... then after we got married almost 5 years later I came with a horse... which I sold because I didn't have time and he fussed about her needing a trainer.... de ja vu  
he does fuss at night if I head towards bed without informing him... he says I give up on things too easily yet I can't get help when I need it???? I do love him. But do feel like I am always fighting for me time. I also have 3 kids and homeschool... so I expect me to get crazy at times.


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## AClark (Apr 20, 2017)

Spoiled brat horses are the worst. Sounds like he's gotten buddy sour and gets his way by acting like a jerk when he's away from his buddy. Not that it's your fault, I totally get the time constraint with having kids and trying to work horses (I struggle with finding time too) but you have more on your plate with home schooling - I ship 4 out of 5 off on the school bus in the morning. 

I go through that a little bit too, though I've learned that I flat out have to ask for help. Not to man bash here, but I notice he, and most men, don't take initiative around the house. Now, if I ask, he'll do it, but it's a rare sight to see him just start cleaning things up (actually, it's usually because I haven't done it yet and he's pissy about the mess, then he'll get up and clean). I threaten to go on strike, and it's not an empty threat. Either I get help with a little of the clean up, or I won't pick up anything for a couple of days until I get my point across. I HATE seeing the house get messy, but it's also not ok with me to be overwhelmed and have to be the maid either.


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## Latestarter (Apr 21, 2017)

Gosh... I'm feeling all "bashed" here...   Hope you get it worked out.


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## Pastor Dave (Apr 21, 2017)

Well, @promiseacres, until I got to the end and saw LS join in, I was thinking better off just reading without adding in.

I do hear these squabbles from men and women, as it's part of the job description. I try to push communication and that there's always both sides of the story. If one spouse wants to approach and discuss, I will listen, but usually always encourage a session with both.

My personal life would prove most of ya gals right that I shy away from typical house cleaning. However, I do laundry and my share of the cooking. I get asked to dust up high before going out to do chores.
I gripe abt doing this, knowing there will be no help with my chores. Jill does get bent out of shape sometimes if I spend too much time with the rabbits in the shed. She told me from the beginning I was on my own with rabbit related work.

I try to compensate by being tolerant when she wants to go for an afternoon or evening with a gal pal. My job sometimes calls for leaving at a moment's notice, and it is in the back of mind that this will arise when I have the boys in my care.

It is ok to have much different interests and activities as long as there is something mutual that can be enjoyed together. Communication at some point is also a must even if it has been suppressed a while and comes out with a little force. Eventually the conversation should get back to lower pressure, more stabilized language that gets both points across.

Personally, I don't have the money to raise animals that don't support themselves in some way. Jill has always joked abt having a donkey. To which I say not if we can't eat it. (The subject is pretty moot anyway considering we aren't on our own property)

I like riding horses, but ATV'S and dirt bikes seem to have taken over a lot of the work on ranches these days. I totally understand there is some limited areas horseback proves better over machines, but I prefer mechanical maintenance over the tremendous work it has to take to support even one horse.

Sometimes we have to agree that one's interests aren't ours, but be supportive if the other is into it. Compensation, cohabitation, and compromise coupled with communication are the keys.

Someone with those type of chores and trying to homeschool needs a break and some relief at some point. I would also think it wise to investigate the needs of the one going off to work and preferring to spend a little more time at home. Praying you get the chance to have a heart to heart and both get the opportunity to express feelings and needs(abt what to do with the horse,  of course ☺)


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## frustratedearthmother (Apr 21, 2017)

Latestarter said:


> Gosh... I'm feeling all "bashed" here...  Hope you get it worked out.


Well, it's a good thing that you've never "bashed" an ex-wife or anything, lol!   (Dang, I'm gonna get banned for that one...)

But, seriously - we all do it.  Men and women are different creatures.  It's about tolerance most of the time.  My DH can do something that drives me up the wall at times and I try to just smile.   I make him crazy too - but he's the most patient man in the world so I try to appreciate him and love him (and all of his idiosyncrasies)!




Pastor Dave said:


> Sometimes we have to agree that one's interests aren't ours, but be supportive if the other is into it. Compensation, cohabitation, and compromise coupled with communication are the keys.



AMEN!


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## Latestarter (Apr 21, 2017)

Hmmm I don't THINK I've said anything negative about the blinkity blank exes... Mighta slipped though  And so everyone knows, I am of the impression that I was the perfect hubby...


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## frustratedearthmother (Apr 21, 2017)

We're ALL perfect spouses in our own minds, lol!


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## AClark (Apr 21, 2017)

Maybe THAT's why I'm on my 3rd marriage...I'm too perfect! LOL


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## NH homesteader (Apr 21, 2017)

you guys are hilarious


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## promiseacres (Apr 21, 2017)

we did talk more... he seems to be coming around to understanding that the horses need more time.... though not at the expense of a tree... so found other places to tie.  Both are improving and if nothing else I am doing something with them...


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## Latestarter (Apr 21, 2017)

#3? (wo)man... you're just a sucker for punishment... or, alternatively, you just never learn...


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## AClark (Apr 24, 2017)

3rd time is a charm though!


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## Latestarter (Apr 24, 2017)

Yeah, you know, I've heard that. But I've also heard third on a match, wind up dead (WWI by the time the third person lit their smoke, the snipers had zeroed in & BANG!)... Then there's always fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me... never did hear what the third time being fooled would qualify as...


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## Bunnylady (Apr 24, 2017)

Latestarter said:


> never did hear what the third time being fooled would qualify as...



"No fool like an old fool?"


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## Latestarter (Apr 24, 2017)

Nicely put!


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## frustratedearthmother (Apr 24, 2017)

Ya'll are harsh, lol!    I believe people who are multiple marriers (is that even a word?) are eternal optimists!


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## Baymule (Apr 24, 2017)

I am blessed with my husband. He has never saddled up with me one time. Not one. Not in 21 years. But he always made sure that I got to enjoy my horses. He would feed them if I worked late and he liked them, just never rode. We now have 3, one of which is 30 years old, has lung issues and I don't ride her any more. Horses are like breathing to me-necessary to life. I am glad that he understands what they mean to me.

@AClark haha, I had to laugh at your TV time. My husband watches or sleeps through TV, I am on my laptop in my recliner next to his. So he's happy and I'm happy. He watches some stupid show and I talk to my friends on BYH. Win-Win!


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## AClark (Apr 25, 2017)

Normally, DH falls asleep watching TV, but as soon as he does and I turn it off "hey, I was watching that" - right, because you can see through your eyelids, not to mention you're snoring! I We get along really well though, I mean, if that's the kind of crap you actually "argue" over, then things are pretty good.


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## Bunnylady (Apr 25, 2017)

A friend on another forum describes his marriage as, "she does her thing, I do my thing, we do our thing. It works for us." And that, I think, is the secret - finding that balance between shared interests and individual interests. The spouse (and this could be either one) who is feeling neglected may have a legitimate beef; we often get so caught up in taking care of the kids, the house, the job, whatever, that we forget to nurture the relationship that created the household in the first place. But relationships can be insidious; there is always the possibility of someone who has a "I'm the most important thing in the whole world to me, and I should be to you, too" mindset. I'm sure we can all think of examples of long-married couples where one spouse has pretty much "swallowed" the life of the other, and I suspect that may be why the stereotypical old married couples quarrel so much. But, as Pastor Dave said, the key is communication; being able to say, "you are asking too much" or "I'm feeling left out of your life" and come to some sort of compromise that, if not totally harmonious, can at least be lived with.


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## promiseacres (Apr 25, 2017)

A little update Duke did have tamptrums on the trail with Whitney Sunday.  
I am continuing to tie them daily. Mostly doing better standing patiently which will be a must at camp. Duke did load nicely, we weren't sure about a 2 horse straight load.
Tomorrow I have the task of loading both boys and hauling them 15 minutes to the park. I will be riding Richie.  DH isn't thrilled.... as he isn't confident of my hauling skills... which is unfounded though I haven't hauled a trailer much, I can do it. And really just need time doing it.

FYI I sincerely  love this man, been together for 20 years.... but he does seem to resent when I act independent..which drIves me crazy. am not a doormat but have learned not to poke the bear... I probably have him well spoiled. He is a worrier....   and he is the one worried about a clean house ect... me not so much, I will clean if company is coming. We try to work together. Marriage is definitely give, give and take. Thanks for listening.


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## Baymule (Apr 25, 2017)

We're here any time for you! No matter how much we love someone, they can make us crazy sometimes. And just think what we do to them! LOL!!


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## promiseacres (Apr 27, 2017)

Thanks @Bunnylady I appreciate it.  

So DH worked late Tuesday, got up early Wednesday to fix a problem with the trailer he noticed when I hooked it up.... his only request was for me to make him breakfast. Which I did.  
Horses did ok. Still loving my Richie. Talked to a friend from church. In the past they asked if we wanted to use the large very well broke POA they have for their grandkids who only come very occasionally...  Soooo need to talk to DH, my Mom and figure a plan for Duke.... but really think it would work better. Duke is improving but will need maintained. With DH not helping with that I would feel a lot better to have 2 horses that kids can learn on.


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## frustratedearthmother (Apr 27, 2017)

Yay - hope that it works out!


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## Baymule (Apr 27, 2017)

Sounds like you are on the right track. Duke may be a nice horse, but he sounds too high strung for kids. We recently bought a kid gentle horse rescued from a kill pen.


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## promiseacres (Apr 28, 2017)

Baymule said:


> Sounds like you are on the right track. Duke may be a nice horse, but he sounds too high strung for kids. We recently bought a kid gentle horse rescued from a kill pen.


And DH is upset...says I change my mind too much. Says I am laying it on him... when does he have time to ride?? (Very  true and but good reason to not keep the horse...) idk maybe I can talk him into finding someone to lease Duke for the summer..... he just wants to borrow the POA for trail riding.... (I think he needs to be here so John can learn on him) and since our pastures are newly planted I do not have hay enough right now for 3.  I also do not want Duke to sit idle (like hang at my Mom's ).... guess I shouldn't of gotten Ritchie.   Duke did behave better last fall without company.   But I do think issues would come around the more we ask of him. Mom is ok with finding Duke a home. As she says, she doesn't want to ride him....


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## NH homesteader (Apr 28, 2017)

Well personally, if I had the opportunity to borrow a horse when I wanted to go trail riding and not have to take care of it every day (and pay to feed it, etc), I would be all over that! Doesn't sound like the second horse would be ridden all that often, so why have a second horse? That's just me. I would keep Richie and the minis and borrow a horse on the occasions you go with DH. When your kids get older maybe look for a second kid-friendly horse, which it doesn't sound like Duke is going to be anytime soon.


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## promiseacres (Apr 28, 2017)

NH homesteader said:


> Well personally, if I had the opportunity to borrow a horse when I wanted to go trail riding and not have to take care of it every day (and pay to feed it, etc), I would be all over that! Doesn't sound like the second horse would be ridden all that often, so why have a second horse? That's just me. I would keep Richie and the minis and borrow a horse on the occasions you go with DH. When your kids get older maybe look for a second kid-friendly horse, which it doesn't sound like Duke is going to be anytime soon.


my plan is keep working Richie... he needs some desensitization. But I while work him, the kids could be riding the POA....  I really want John to ride, not just sit on a horse. He needs time in the saddle at home before I am going to through him on the trails. On any horse, kid broke or not.  He has mostly riden in a buddyseat or leadline. Maybe 2 rides by his self.


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## NH homesteader (Apr 28, 2017)

There ya go, if the other horse will be ridden then go for it. A kid safe horse is a wonderful thing!


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## AClark (Apr 28, 2017)

Is that what DH wants though? To learn to ride, or to just be included when you go trail riding - where a push button horse that he can just sit on would be ideal?
My husband wants to learn to ride, it doesn't take much convincing to get him out on the weekend, and he works 12 hour days during the week monday - friday. I could probably convince him to go after work (if he got home from work and his horse was saddled and ready, no convincing needed) if we didn't have 5 kids that can't babysit themselves, lol. 
However, if he just wanted to be included in going out riding, I'd be ok with that too and we already have a horse that is so dead broke that you can literally just sit on him and point him where you want to go. He is a no tune up necessary horse really, hadn't been ridden in a year when we got him and I hopped on and no trouble, other than he's kinda lazy.
The only reason we haven't done a trail ride together yet is MY horse is a bit of a flake and she isn't ready for open country. I mean I could definitely give it a shot, but I'm the one that is probably going to get wasted, not DH on his lazy little gelding, lol.

That's a conversation y'all need to have, is not what you want, but what he wants out of riding. If he just wants to go, then by all means the dead broke horse that never needs a tune up is a great purchase/borrow. If he wants to learn, I'd lean more into buying. But, that only works if you're both on the same page.
The other thing is not having time. Now that the days are long, what prevents him from going after work unless he's just tired? Tired is tired, but if that's not it, work together to make a solution of being able to ride after work, even if it's just half an hour in the round pen or out in the pasture - better than nothing.


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## promiseacres (Apr 28, 2017)

Sorry to confuse... DH is Josh, DS is John, who is 8. A good age to learn in my opinion. 
DH knows basic riding skills and is what i consider an advanced beginner/intermediate rider. 

DH thinks I can ride Duke, (I can but no longer sure I want the fight....) while he gets my Richie and John gets the POA, Cookie but that's only when we are on trails. DH hasn't wanted to nor shown inclination to ride since we brought home Duke last summer. Usually he is too sore or too tired. He has some health issues which zaps his energy.... when I do suggest we do something with the horses he brings up the never ending To do list....  while I get he is upset I am changing my mind about Duke.... I just feel as if I know my limits.... and in some aspect since I do the caretaking, maintenance I should have some pull on what horses we have. My anxiety is better but I really don't want to test myself if Duke continue his brattyness.... he is upset I am having someone tune him up, but he is upset if I find another solution....    he is super busy at work right now.... he is a ag equipment technician.... and it's planting season.   I may have a lead on someone local to take him for the summer ..... that may appease DH and keep Duke worked for now. Though keeping him close just in case we would want to use him....


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## LocoYokel (May 3, 2017)

May I ask what Duke's feed was and is now, and what schedule?  A good Morgan can be better than a good dog and may also be, if not more, as intelligent in my opinion.  Hard to rehome but an absolute wonder when you find that little 'click'.  Even a change in the alfalfa content in a mixed bale can make a horse go hot.  A horse that is not being used as it is accustomed to will act out regardless of it's treatment if it can't burn that energy. I don't know how long your folk's had Duke but if he was not a kid's horse before 18 he never will be.  
It sounds like he was a man's horse, perhaps present it to DH that way, Duke needs a man to fill a man's place. Not to just ride but to be his friend first.  Some quiet time with a good horse, no riding, no hassles, no plans... no worries!  DH and Duke might find that more appealing than you think.  Offer it and consider it an alternative to a "professional tuneup" for a while.   I tend to shy from them as those "tuneups" can lead, at times, into more problems for the less experienced horse owner.

A timid rider will not gain his affection and perhaps not any woman, ever.   I had a  Morgan/Fjord mare that I bought at 11 years old that absolutely hated men but would almost roll over and play dead for short, heavyset women in glasses.  Yes, they had to have glasses on.  I actually gave her to the woman whose property we logged 6 years later. That mare would stop dead in her traces whenever she saw the lady and nikker at her every time. Love at first sight.

As for you own anxiety towards Duke I would suggest much the same.  You are his main caregiver now, spend that extra five minutes in grooming and petting and resting your forehead to his, forget about riding him, his trail worthiness  or his "brattyness" for a day or two.  His life has also changed.  This will also give you a chance to breathe and decide if he just livestock or keep worthy for your family.

As far as DH's and TV's go... you on your own there gurl... I am the opposite, have to have it on to sleep after moving to "town";  I hear every little noise that is not Mother Nature made, DH hits the pillows early.  Our solution has been I fall asleep in my chair and he grumps when I drag into bed later...  even tho his TV is up louder than mine!  (and don't scroll the menu, they can hear that...  )


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## promiseacres (May 3, 2017)

@LocoYokel Duke is on a maintenance diet of a grass clover 3 flakes twice a day, 1 cup of horse pellets (mainly soybean meal but has a bit of corn and molasses ) am in the process of cutting the pellets and changing to a ration balancer as all my horses and ponies are easy keepers, Duke probably the least but is a good weight. I considered diet as a problem as kids mini was being somewhat naughty also... but both also lost their companions and have had more asked of them recently also. So I really don't feel it's diet. 
I wish DH would just go pet a horse.... he likes them, likes to make hay but.... he enjoys camping and trail riding....but obviously isn't compelled to do more. I can't maintain his horse and mine...  he sees Duke as mine in any case. Though I agree would love to see how they get along, he has yet to ride him.  I "can" ride him but that leaves my 2 year old to ride with Daddy, but I while DH rides with my older 2 in their buddyseat he doesn't want a kid in front.... I feel whoever rides Duke needs their full attention on him.... which is impossible with kids riding with you.
My Mom and her husband had Duke from birth. He definitely has an affinity for kids but having seen his recent tamptrums no never will be a kids horse. But don't expect him to be. I do expect him to behave and not have tantrums when trail riding. I really think it comes from Richards riding style, he Always led and ignored little behaviors so now when riders ask more of him he refuses because the bad behavior was ignored for 18 years. He is smart. Right now we need behaved horses not smart, as fun as I know they can be. Am grateful to Duke that we are trail riding again.... but  I can't afford to keep him if he isn't getting used.
Have a friend who is considering leasing him coming over today, though he would stay here... have also been contacted about an offsite lease.... hoping one will work out. I prefer offsite, but onsite has it's advantages... it will work out.


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## Baymule (May 3, 2017)

You want a nice family outing riding horses and trail riding. You have Ritchie and he sounds like just what you wanted. Duke is not fitting into this picture. You cannot have a nice time if you spend the whole time fighting a bratty horse. His personality is set, he is not changing after 18 years, so find another horse that fits your family. Your husband just needs to trust you on this one and realize that a bratty horse is not fit for a child.


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## promiseacres (May 5, 2017)

Still looking for a new home for Duke... even my Mom agrees with me. Am hoping have time to go ride the POA this weekend. Unless DH takes some intiative I don't see the point of keeping him.


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## Red the butcher (May 6, 2017)

I was born and raised on a horse farm. There is nothing a horse can't be trained to overcome. My horse when i was a kid would follow me to hell and back. Your animal needs nothing more than a firm trusting hand. Never ever ever have i met a horse that couldn't change for the better, it just took time and lots of work. Also horse's get board very easy. They need to be worked or exercised almost daily. Just a week on a long line and you would be amazed at the changes. I do wish you the best of luck finding him a new home.


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