# Family farming (venting)



## NH homesteader (Aug 7, 2016)

Okay here's my venting for the day.  My family (and most of my in laws) do not at all approve of the way my husband and I are raising our daughter. Apparently digging up worms and feeding them to the chickens,  learning how to milk a goat,  raising and processing your own food,  homeschooling,  baking homemade bread...  Is all a hassle and bad for her.  Ha! Anyone else have this issue? 

Just want to hear from other farming parents out there who love this as much as I do!


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## Hens and Roos (Aug 7, 2016)

sorry to hear this, sometimes family members just don't understand  but if you guys are enjoying it then go for it!!


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## lalabugs (Aug 7, 2016)

We're not to the same degree as processing our own food, although it is on our to do list. Just need more land. We do home school all 5 of our kids. We currently have dogs, cats, chickens and now goats. We are slowly getting to where we can sustain ourselves off of our land & animals. 

Living off the land is what my husband and I both want. My family understands this and does not give us grief. (As my family was raised farming.) My husbands side on the other hand! OH LORD! You would think that we're slowly torturing the children by us homeschooling and teaching them how to care for livestock. (This is how much the over react and flip, because we're not doing it "there way".) We hear it ALL THE TIME! How we are destroying the children (from my husbands mother, father and siblings!) They are all city folks. 

It's to the point that we now just tune them out when they start in on us. 

It sucks hearing it all the time.


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## Latestarter (Aug 7, 2016)

Perhaps I should  since I don't know that you're even looking for input...

Regardless of whose side is creating this issue, you're both going to have to take a stand and simply tell them to "STOP"! You'll have to make it clear that you'll no longer accept their negative and condemning behavior and attitude. They can either accept that this is the way it's going to be, or move on and find someone else to badger.

You really have to wonder what these city folks think... Do they even have a clue where their food comes from? Most simply reply, "yeah, the grocery store". 

Edit: Thanks @Hens and Roos  Wow... that was pretty brain dead of me... Sorry, been a long couple of days. I'll try to pay better attention.


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## Hens and Roos (Aug 7, 2016)

Latestarter said:


> I'm a bit confused... first you say:    then you say:   You also say the issue is regarding your daughter, but you have 5 kids... Are they OK with the remaining kids being raised (right) the way you're doing it? Perhaps I should  since I don't know that you're even looking for input...
> 
> I'll assume that it's his side that's the issue. Eventually, since it's hubby's side, he's going to have to take a stand and simply tell them to "STOP"! He, and you backing him, have to make it clear that you'll no longer accept their negative and condemning behavior and attitude. They can either accept that this is the way it's going to be, or move on and find someone else to badger.
> 
> You really have to wonder what these city folks think... Do they even have a clue where their food comes from? Most simply reply, "yeah, the grocery store".



There are 2 different posters


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## Southern by choice (Aug 7, 2016)

Since they seem to feel the need to perpetually condemn your decision in raising YOUR children it may be time for both of you to address it head on.

First- they had their children and raised them in the way of their choosing. Their time is done!
Second- these are your children, and YOU will raise them they way you choose.
Third- It is apparent that they are unaware of the issues that young people face today. Schools are no longer what they use to be. Many of the older generations really do not have a clue.
Fourth- You are grown adults and these are your decisions... Mom , Dad we love you but we aren't asking for your approval or input on these matters.


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## NH homesteader (Aug 7, 2016)

Ha yes my mother did tell me I should get rid of my animals because it's cheaper to buy food at the grocery store.  Except eggs,  they insist on farm fresh eggs.


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## Pastor Dave (Aug 7, 2016)

If you want to teach the kids "survival" tactics for going to or living in the city, it could be useful for their college years or if they would make the decision to settle urban when adults.

The practical things being taught to making it on your own land is more beneficial (to me) because it is where you go if something goes horribly wrong in the city. The rural skills outweigh the urban knowledge. I think if someone did a survey, they would find someone from the country could adapt to city living better than someone from the city making it in the country. Country boy (and girl) can survive.

I also agree with the other comments on raising your kids how you feel best, and asking others to have a little respect. Give them the opportunity to come stay a bit and see how fulfilling and quieter country living can be.


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## lalabugs (Aug 7, 2016)

With my in laws they are the type of people, even with saying enough is enough. They still feel their way is the right way. No matter what. It's a pointless argument. Now we just ignore them and go about our life.

My mother in law is the type of person that anytime you disagree with her. "you are attacking her." Even though its always her attacking us, with our life choices. She has even told my husband "you need to fail in life." It is not worth the fight. We just let it go in one ear and out the other. Since no on else wants to be on her bad side, everyone jumps on her side.


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## Southern by choice (Aug 7, 2016)

lalabugs said:


> With my in laws they are the type of people, even with saying enough is enough. They still feel their way is the right way. No matter what. It's a pointless argument. Now we just ignore them and go about our life.
> 
> My mother in law is the type of person that anytime you disagree with her. "you are attacking her." Even though its always her attacking us, with our life choices. She has even told my husband "you need to fail in life." It is not worth the fight. We just let it go in one ear and out the other. Since no on else wants to be on her bad side, everyone jumps on her side.



Ewwwwwwwwwww How TOXIC!


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## NH homesteader (Aug 7, 2016)

Toxic is right.  You have me beat! Although my MIL is awfully close to that bad! 

Thanks everyone.  I needed to vent and commiserate more than truly needing advice but I do appreciate that as well! 

Heck yes a country boy/girl can survive! My daughter can't wait until she's old enough to help process chickens. Kinda weird. But hey she'll never starve!


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## Baymule (Aug 7, 2016)

Both of you continue on as you are doing. You are happy, your family is happy and just to heck with the nay sayers who just don't get it. You can pick your friends, but you're kinda stuck with your extended family.


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## greybeard (Aug 7, 2016)

lalabugs said:


> My mother in law is the type of person that anytime you disagree with her. "you are attacking her." .


It's just part of how life is nowadays--some are good at dishing it out but can't take it when thrown back at them & it don't take much at all on line or in real life for some people to get their wittle feelings hurt. My in-laws thought I hung the moon, but my 2 older sisters both gave my wife an undeserved ration of crap last year (I'm 66 yrs old currently) and I had to have a 'come to Jesus" meeting with the both of them and offered to throw both off the porch and out onto the lawn if they didn't mind their own **** business. Some believe everyone is a unique little snowflake and everyone brings something to the table but  it's been in my considerable  experience, more often than not, that  dish sometimes smells of dung and not fit for consumption. 
This may get worse as your children get older. Don't know how long you and hubby have been married, or the age of your future farmer kids, but I am reminded of what Deputy Fife told Sheriff Andy.


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## Baymule (Aug 8, 2016)

I hope both of you are open and honest with your children about your family members. They can bad mouth you to your own children and get things all muddied up. It can tear kids up when people they love are back stabbing their parents or when people they love tell them their parents lifestyles are wrong. If these attacks against you continue, and they can go on behind your back with ugly remarks dropped here and there, after years of this, your children can be led away from you. Explain to your children why you don't live the way your family does. Explain to them that Grandma and Grandpa might mean well, but you don't want to live like that. A constant stream of negative remarks can wear down a child. Talk with them and let them know that if they don't like what is being said, it's ok and they can come talk to you about it.

I have one of those toxic EX-mother in law's and now at 81, after years of being rattlesnake nasty, she is basically alone. No one wants to be around her. The sentence fits the crime.


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## misfitmorgan (Aug 8, 2016)

The MIL here was the same...always the victim...lots of medical problems, hypochondriac type, asthma(but smoked green stuff and flipped if she ran out), couldnt clean, couldnt help on the farm...it was all "too much for her."

Keep in mind the only things we asked her to do was clean up after herself, help weed 2 rows of the garden, and drive a tractor...while we loaded the hay rack. After two weeks she couldnt take "how hard we were working her" anymore and somehow thought she was in charge..in DH's house...he let her know in no uncertain terms she was not in charge and was a guest, if she didnt like how we lived she could leave. She did two days later and he didnt talk to her for 4 months. Now she knows to mind her attitude and not be rude or try to play the victim.

DH also chewed her out for being rude to me, now she is very nice to me.

The most irritating part was DH and i were both working full time minimum, and doing all the farming on the side of that...while she sat around the house all day.

We dont have kids but DH and i wouldnt let her act like that with them/us regardless...my own mother and family know not to do that kind of stuff either or they will get a ear full from me and i wont talk to them for several months. Somehow that not talking to them for a bit seems to help fix their attitude and issues with whatever your doing.


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## lalabugs (Aug 8, 2016)

Beyond toxic! We try to deal with her as minimal as possible.

She does talk behind our backs as well. Since we live in a small town IT GETS AROUND. Always coming back to us. My husband has chewed her out. Which just resulted in him WHOLE family being against him, because he didn't just sit back and take it. Only option of not dealing with her is to move away from our small community. We're not doing that until we can get the right property/house. 

Our kids when they spent time with her, always came home telling us all the horrible things she would say. We always sat down and talked about it. I am a firm believer of being completely honest with my kids. 

We ignore her comments, go about our lives the way we want. She can live her life the way she wants. We will live it the way we want. Her comments use to really get at me. Now I just don't care.


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## misfitmorgan (Aug 8, 2016)

Oh DH tells people stuff himself about what his family does or what so and so said he did etc. Because of it he has a reputation for being brutally honest, so if he tells someone no this is what happened or its a lie they believe him over the other people. We have had people try to start several different rumors, in the end they came out looking more like scheming jerks and we came out better in the eyes of the community.

At first i balked at it and told him he was embarrassing me telling everyone everything but i came to realize thats not a bad thing. Everyone knows us and most everyone likes us in  the community here.


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## Kusanar (Aug 8, 2016)

I was homeschooled my whole life until college at 17 years old. I have never hunted or killed an animal (flies and fleas don't count), but my dad hunts and when I was about 4-5 years old I was out in the garage in freezing temps helping him butcher a deer he had shot the day before or early that morning. I still won't kill one or gut it, but once it's dead, cold, and hanging, I can take care of the rest no problem. I'm not the most social person ever, I enjoy talking about animals and can talk your ear off, but I don't small talk, I think that's a "skill" learned in public schools, but I don't open my mouth unless I have something at least somewhat important to say... I don't like big crowds, I grew up as an only kid (I have 2 brothers but they were in their teens when I was born), so it was just me and mom mostly because dad worked and she stayed at home with me from the time I was 2 on until I started college.

I now work at an international company in the engineering department, own my own land (well, the bank owns it, but I'm working on it being fully mine, only have a 15 year mortgage and I pay almost 2 times the bill each month), have multiple vehicles, 6 horses, a dog, and 8 cats I support. I think I do pretty well for being a "maladjusted antisocial home school kid"


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## misfitmorgan (Aug 8, 2016)

I was never home schooled but i dont see anything wrong with it 99% of the time. Once in awhile things dont go as planned or something not good can happen but otherwise i dont know why it gets negitive attention all the time...everyone should know public schools suck anymore, least where i live.

What kind of Engineer are you @Kusanar , i'm an engineer too though probly not the same kind lol.


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## Kusanar (Aug 8, 2016)

misfitmorgan said:


> What kind of Engineer are you @Kusanar , i'm an engineer too though probly not the same kind lol.



I'm actually an engineering tech, so I'm the gofer for the engeneers, but my job description includes CAD, working on machines, creating training documents, and setting new parts up on all of the machines. I'm in the automotive industry, making clutch disks for automatic transmissions.

So, what kind are you?


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## greybeard (Aug 8, 2016)

misfitmorgan said:


> DH also chewed her out for being rude to me, now she is very nice to me.


 nip-nip.



> Everyone knows us and most everyone likes us in the community here.


The day that you reach the "everyone likes us" point is the day you know you're doing something wrong. When you choose something to stand for---STAND!!!


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## AClark (Aug 8, 2016)

I definitely don't have the "in law" issues, since ours raised us the same way out in the country with critters, I can, however, sympathize. I had a neighbor who homeschooled her 4 kids and her in-laws caused her so many problems she ended up caving and sending them to public school. They went as far as to call CPS on her about the educational standards. She eventually ended up getting a restraining order against them since they harassed them so much. I just can't imagine how someones own parents can make their adult children so miserable, when they see their grandchildren healthy and happy. 
I guess what I would do is basically ignore the especially hateful in-law. Let her jabber on and roll right off your back, or gently change the subject to something you can agree on. Some people are just obnoxious and they wouldn't be happy if they were hung with a new rope.


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 8, 2016)

NH homesteader said:


> Okay here's my venting for the day.  My family (and most of my in laws) do not at all approve of the way my husband and I are raising our daughter. Apparently digging up worms and feeding them to the chickens,  learning how to milk a goat,  raising and processing your own food,  homeschooling,  baking homemade bread...  Is all a hassle and bad for her.  Ha! Anyone else have this issue?
> 
> Just want to hear from other farming parents out there who love this as much as I do!


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## Poka_Doodle (Aug 8, 2016)

I'm just going to say in response to your first post that those are city folks. I totally know what your talking about and hear similar things, people don't understand that country folks in the heart or actual ones prefer to stock freezer much more then those in the city.


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 8, 2016)

I was raised, until age 12,  on a farm.  I had 43 acres of playground.   I swam in a creek,  caught lightning bugs in jars and climbed trees.  Was a great childhood..... Got dirty,  got clean,  got dirty again!   Raising your child as you describe is wonderful!  She wont be Afraid of things "icky". Shell have an appreciation for the work involved in animal/crop care.. She is yours..... Raise her how you want.... They dont have to come around and you DON'T need their approval.


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 8, 2016)

Southern by choice said:


> Ewwwwwwwwwww How TOXIC!


Less exposure woud be my plan


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## Latestarter (Aug 8, 2016)

Wow! You GO GIRL @Jenjen12! You're gonna fit in here just fine!


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 8, 2016)

Latestarter said:


> Wow! You GO GIRL @Jenjen12! You're gonna fit in here just fine!


Thx!!


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## AClark (Aug 8, 2016)

Exactly, we had 320 acres. My parents really never watched me, I played in the mud, rode horses, and was filthy almost constantly. My parents would literally spray me off with the garden hose before I came in, and this was pretty frequently. When I was in high school, I and a lot of my other classmates regularly came to school with muddy boots and jeans from feeding animals and not having enough time to change before catching the bus. My friends and I would pick alfalfa out of each others hair and fix the hot mess we looked like on the 45 minute ride to school. Nobody ever thought we were neglected or missing out on anything. 
I just thought of another suggestion, do you hob nob with your neighbors if you have any? Or a homeschool group of sorts? Maybe it would do you good to see other children being raised like you're raising yours; people that understand what you're doing would be good for you I think. I don't know how well it would work, but have you just put your foot down with the monster-in-law? My first marriage I had a slightly over-bearing father-in-law and that really stopped a lot of the BS. One time when my ex husband was deployed, my father in law dropped in unannounced to check up on us. He made a comment that I should "put some clothes on"  - I had shorts and a t-shirt on and I'm in my own house. I told him I wasn't expecting him and when he started to pay my bills he can tell me what I can and can't wear in my own (f'-word) house. That may or may not work for you, but I am rude like that.
Like someone else mentioned, I don't need someone else's approval on what I wear, how I raise my kids, or what I do so long as it's not dangerous - and neither do you!


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## NH homesteader (Aug 8, 2016)

Sorry I haven't responded much,  I was not home all day but I am enjoying reading now!


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## Southern by choice (Aug 8, 2016)

I know it does not help you in your immediate situation but at least you know you have many others that DO support you and understand! 
Cyber friends are still friends.
Funny how our little community is like another family... sometimes we get into tiffs, disagree and agree to disagree... yet there really is a genuine care and a common factor that connects us in a greater way. One of the things I love here! My really do rejoice when others are rejoicing and weep with those who are weeping.

You are not alone... and venting to those who care and understand - well that we do well here too!


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## NH homesteader (Aug 9, 2016)

So true @Southern by choice,  I'm still a newbie here but everyone is so nice and has made me feel like I'm not the only crazy goat lady out there (by far! Haha) 

On a random side note...  All of your LGD info saved me from nearly adopting a free "LGD"  that may have cost me my sanity.  So I thank you for that!


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## NH homesteader (Aug 9, 2016)

I've basically gone with a couple approaches. One is ignoring,  two is asking questions like so,  do you know  where your meat comes from? And if all else fails,  i let my husband talk to them.  He chewed out his sister and mother over the way they've treated me.  It worked with his sister,  but now his mother is super nice when he is there and super rude when he isn't.  Now i refuse to see them if my husband isn't there.


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## Hens and Roos (Aug 9, 2016)

NH homesteader said:


> I've basically gone with a couple approaches. One is ignoring,  two is asking questions like so,  do you know  where your meat comes from? And if all else fails,  i let my husband talk to them.  He chewed out his sister and mother over the way they've treated me.  It worked with his sister,  but now his mother is super nice when he is there and super rude when he isn't.  Now i refuse to see them if my husband isn't there.


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 9, 2016)

NH homesteader said:


> So true @Southern by choice,  I'm still a newbie here but everyone is so nice and has made me feel like I'm not the only crazy goat lady out there (by far! Haha)
> 
> On a random side note...  All of your LGD info saved me from nearly adopting a free "LGD"  that may have cost me my sanity.  So I thank you for that!


Whats LGD?


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 9, 2016)

Wbats LGD?


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## NH homesteader (Aug 9, 2016)

Livestock Guardian  Dog.  Haha like I said totally off topic.  Southern by choice is a LGD guru!


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## Jenjen12 (Aug 9, 2016)

Oh.. Ok.....


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## lalabugs (Aug 9, 2016)

@AClarkSome "people are just obnoxious and they wouldn't be happy if they were hung with a new rope."

This made me chuckle! My grandpa use to always say this. He's been gone awhile. Random things that remind us.


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## Southern by choice (Aug 18, 2016)

Thought of you yesterday...


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