# Sad day tomorrow



## bonbean01 (Oct 10, 2012)

For those that have been following our darling ewe Suzie who is 4 years old now and has never had a lamb...well...time to face the fact that she will never have a lamb and as much as we'd love to keep her just as a pet, that isn't practical.  I would just keep her, but hubby is more practical and I know he is right.  She has been with 3 different rams...got shots from the vet five days in a row and then in with the third ram (which is a proven ram) for 3 months...expected her to pregnant and lambing by July 21st...so...obviously this isn't going to happen.  She was a twin with a twin brother and I wonder if she could be a free martin?  Don't know...but this is heart break for sure 

We could never put her in OUR freezer ever, but a friend has been wanting an older sheep for his freezer since he finds our lambs too mild flavoured...so he bought her and that money will pay for feed this winter for the rest.  Our wether born this past January will be going with her to the processor for our freezer, and of course he is a sweet gentle pretty fellow too 

This part of having sheep we hate...but it is all part of it.  Sorry to boo hoo on on here, but not many people understand just how hard this is...many of you do.

Will be setting the alarm early as they have to be there by 10 am and the round up, loading, goodbyes, crying and then the trip to another city for this.  Not sure I'll sleep much anyway...may just go sit with them tonight and love them up...will miss them...Suzie has been our easiest going and sweetest sheep ever.  

Boo Hoo Bonnie


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## BrownSheep (Oct 10, 2012)




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## bonbean01 (Oct 10, 2012)

Thank you Brown Sheep...I really needed that...already blubbering...maybe I'm not cut out for this.


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## Straw Hat Kikos (Oct 10, 2012)

Sorry bonbean


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## Pearce Pastures (Oct 10, 2012)

Aww wish we could give you a real hug.  No it's not that you aren't cut out for it-almost everyone on here has at least one animal (or a few hundred) that they are attached to like that and it is completely understandable to be upset.  So sorry.


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## Southern by choice (Oct 10, 2012)

very sorry for you. So sad.


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## Alice Acres (Oct 10, 2012)

That is sad, when you have to send an animal you would rather keep to market. 

It's nice you found someone who likes the taste of sheep vs lamb...and her sale price will at least give you some $$ towards helping out the rest of your flock.


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## bonbean01 (Oct 10, 2012)

Thank you all...most people see sheep just as livestock...but knew you would understand.  I hesitated to air my tears on here, but it did help.  Hubby is a big macho type guy, but has a soft heart for all our critters and even offered to take them alone, but I told him we do this together...this is hard on him too.

Thank you again...the support helps!  Hugs to you all!


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## RemudaOne (Oct 10, 2012)

Aww Bonnie . Sorry to hear the news. Once you tell them goodbye, look forward. Think about the next crop of babies coming on and later when it's not so sharp, think of her and smile. Hugs to you and rest easy. You've given her the best home and life she could have ever had. I'll be thinking of you, friend.


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## bonbean01 (Oct 10, 2012)

Thanks Kristi


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## terrilhb (Oct 10, 2012)

I am so sorry,


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## Queen Mum (Oct 10, 2012)

I am so sorry for your loss.  The hardest part of farming for me is giving up an animal for any reason.  I can't eat mine either.  Big hugs for you from me and the goats.


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## promiseacres (Oct 11, 2012)

so hard when you have them so long and eating them wasn't in the "plan"
 :/


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## bonbean01 (Oct 11, 2012)

Thank you again ALL !!!  The support and understanding from people who know how hard this is helps.  We almost changed our minds as pulling into the processors...but it is done and I thought I'd just sit with my sheep to feel better, but that was a bad idea....love them all, but the lack of Suzie's call to me was too much.  Life goes on.

I feel for everyone of you good people's losses, and I appreciate your kindness more than I can say.  Hugs to you all!


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## GLENMAR (Oct 11, 2012)

Wow.   I love lamb. I will one day face the same thing. I am sure that I will cry me eyes out all the way to the processor. 
My goats are dairy animals, but some of the extra bucklings will surely end up in the freezer. It's nice to know I am not alone in my thinking.


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## Royd Wood (Oct 11, 2012)

ok I hear you bon - I,m a bit long in the tooth at this game but its always in the back of my mind until the deed is done.
Just sent a Belted Galloway who after three bulls failed to get preg. I knew after the first bull this would be the outcome but hey hey I so wanted her as part of the breeding herd.


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## bonbean01 (Oct 11, 2012)

Yeah...it is pretty tough   We know that our wether lambs will one day be freezer lambs and after a certain point I do keep an emotional distance...well...as much as a person can do with these sweet gentle animals.

Suzie was different...she was to be a keeper breeder...we don't name the lambs to be sold or freezer lambs...still not easy, but this was totally awful.  She was to be a breeder and we just tried everything.

I thought of my dear friend Marianne when we were driving to the processor...she warned me to not cuddle the food...Suzie was meant to be a breeder.  Then I had a total breakdown since this dear friend Marianne who was my age died of cancer two years ago....this past weekend was my Mom's death day...and Canadian Thanksgiving and I missed my family...oh man...I must stop posting on here...totally losing it again.

Glenmar...yeah...when the time comes it is tough!

Sorry Royd...sucks, eh?  I wanted Suzie as part of my breeding herd too...I don't think it matters how many years you do this...that part is never easy and I'm sorry about your girl 

I'm so glad that I am not the only one who loves their animals...they are not just livestock...each one is different...I can identify each sheep by their call...they all have their own ways and some are just so stinking cute and fun.  

Going back to look at Remuda's new twin photos and decide which one I will nap one night....LOL...just where in Texas is she?


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## CocoNUT (Oct 11, 2012)

and I'm right there with you! 

Enjoy the moments you've had with them and know they'll always be in your heart. The grieving process reminds you you're human and have taken your guardianship seriously. You grieve because you care...that makes you strong. 

 again and just know  you are never alone!


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## bonbean01 (Oct 11, 2012)

Thank you Coco 

Okay...I am becoming a blithering idiot now...can't stop...going to go out and talk to my sheepies and chickens.  And yeah...my big beautiful macho hubby had a super hard time with this too...so good to be with a partner in sync with the whole thing.  I am blessed for sure and do not take it for granted.  

So glad I found BYH and people who love their critters too!

Thank you all again and now I will try to get a grip!


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## CocoNUT (Oct 11, 2012)

Just go with it! Seriously...I lost one of my goats during our horrible heat wave this summer.  She was the BIGGEST pain in my butt...literally! But I had a massive breakdown.  I still get very upset when i think about it. Heck...I still break down when I think about my special kitty who died 7+ years ago! (I know have several cats!)

Yesterday, my darned LGD killed my BEST roo and also attacked my SWEET turkey hen! It drives me nuts! But the fact that I still care about every one of them reminds me that I'm a living, breathing, caring person. Without the pains in life...we can't appreciate the happy moments.  I'm a true believer in that. Those hard moments make us cherish every other moment that much more. Besides...its the love of your animals (& hubby) that will help you through.  My hubby gets upset and tries not to let it show how much it bothers him...but it does. That's why we love them!


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## bonbean01 (Oct 11, 2012)

Sorry about your roo and your turkey hen 

Counting my blessings here...had a cancer scare with hubby last week...MRI on Monday, and he is clear...whew!  Come to think of it...this past weekend has not been the best and glad this week is almost over.


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## RemudaOne (Oct 11, 2012)

Wow Bonnie! So glad to hear your hubs is in the clear! Part of what you're going through may also be a release of THAT stress as well. Take it easy and just kick back and relax this weekend girl. You can always come to Texas NEXT weekend . But seriously, sounds like you need to let it roll a little bit. Have a good cry, it will probably make you feel better then go grab onto your hubs and watch a movie with him and some popcorn. A COMEDY, NOT A SENTIMENTAL CHICK FLICK!!! 

Bless you both, what an emotional roller coaster.


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## Bridgemoof (Oct 11, 2012)

Aww Bon, I totally missed this thread yesterday. I would have sent you massive hugs    and I'm sending them to you now too    

You are a strong person, Bon, farming is so hard as I am learning. I love every animal just like you do, and some just steal your heart more than others. You made the tough decision, but the right one. I struggle all the time and want to think of all the animals as pets, but I know we can't be in business with that attitude.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now, I feel so badly for you. So glad hubbies test turned out okay, too! Been there, too, with my hubby, but the end results were not good.  It's a scary, stressful thing to have to deal with.

Wishing you warm thoughts


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## SheepGirl (Oct 11, 2012)

Aww, so sorry  I know how much you loved that girl!


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## Southern by choice (Oct 11, 2012)

Thought about you throughout the day today, was wondering how you were doing. Feeling this with you sister! 
Praying your heart will be comforted tonight.  Sending a real hug!


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## bonbean01 (Oct 12, 2012)

Thanks all...funny how people you've only met on here can become so very dear 

Bridge...saying special prayers for you and hubby...so sorry you are dealing with bad results of his test 

As for our sweet Suzie...hubs and I today went out to feed the sheep and move them to pasture...missed our special call from her and both had total regret and wished we could turn back the clock a day...not practical to feed and care for a non producing animal, but if we could go back in time we'd keep her forever and live with the fact that as farmers go, we suck.  But, it is too late now.  Hubs is rebuilding a chicken coop area that doesn't need it...at least he's being productive...me...I'm on here crying in my coffee 

I feel rather guilty being so upset about this when others are dealing with serious medical issues...again Bridge...really feeling for you!!!!

Kristis you are right...these past several weeks have been pretty stressful...thinking about how life would change with a positive test result for cancer...along with all the rest.  Day before yesterday I took a hard fall on the wet dock and thought I got off easy with just scrapes and bruises...today I'm really paying for it and woke up to yet more bruises and creaky body.  Yup...need popcorn and a comedy for sure...then I come nab one of your lambies 

Now I'm going to suck it up...shut up...and go love on my sheepies and give hubs a hand with that coop


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## Bridgemoof (Oct 12, 2012)

Aww Bon,

It will get better. I blubber like an idiot just like you when an animal here dies. (Oh wait, you're not an idiot, lol) It's just so hard sometimes. I think maybe I will become a bit more desensitized over time. I think this time last year we didn't even have sheep yet, and I was crying over the chickens. Now I'm definitely less sensitive about the chickens, and know that bad things happen a lot on a farm.

Now what would we have if we only kept our farm animals as pets? We wouldn't be able to keep them at all because it would cost too much, don't you think? Well if you suck as a farmer, I suck too. I mean, gosh, when we had to put Beastie down last week, I sobbed and sobbed. You are such a nice person, Bon, I can tell how much you care about your animals and other people and their animals as well.  I hate to see you so sad.

As for hubby, well he died 4 years ago from cancer. It's ok, I'm at peace with it. But it goes to show you that life can change in a minute, and what you think you have planned for your future can't really be predicted or planned at all. You never know what is going to happen, so enjoy every minute you have with your loved ones, because there are no guarantees. You have to live for the living, and not those who have passed. Four years ago I never would have imagined I would be on a farm raising sheep, but look at me now! And for all the heartaches, there are ten times as many joys.

So, smile, and just think: LAMBIES!!!!


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## bonbean01 (Oct 12, 2012)

Oh Bridge...I didn't know that you'd lost your husband.    You are a strong woman for sure.  I really should read everyone's complete journals and perhaps start one myself this winter.


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## Straw Hat Kikos (Oct 12, 2012)

Bridge -- I'm so sorry. You really do seem like a strong woman. Especially for all that you've gone thru. And it is funny how you mentioned about four years ago and how you would never have seen yourself with a farm and animals and sheep. Same here!! When I think back just 3,4,5 years ago I would have NEVER NEVER guessed I would have animals. I never say anything more than a dog in my future, as far as animals. I still can't believe it. Oh and being too sensitive can be a bad thing imo but being too desensitized can be worse. I would say that I am pretty desensitized now. I can come back and realize what a life is, even for a chicken, but death doesn't seem to bother me. As  much as I love my goats I realize that if it came down to it, everyone of them could be eaten or sold. But hopefully that never has to happen and they live the rest of their happy lives here with me and get to die in a natural way of old age after they have given me more than I could ever give them. Goats rule!! 

bonbean -- Please start a journal!! There are several people I've been really hoping would start journals. It's great when an active member that is so liked in the community (BYH) starts one and we all get top talk about their stuff and here whats going on. So please do!!

ETA: Check that.  After thinking for a bit I do not think that I am desensitized. Desensitized is where you no longer care about the life and it doesn't matter to you. It's nothing. I would say I do value the lives of animals but I do realize what it is. An animal. I would not kill an animal to kill one. I will only kill an animal if it is for food or if it is better for the animal. That does not bother me. I guess that is more of a well balanced way and imo the best way. That's how it should be I think. If an animals needs to go because it is sick, hurt, ect then you are doing nothing wrong but really something good. It's better for them and you. For food it's the same, in a way. That animal is sacrificing it's life to feed you and your family.. It's not dying in vain but for you to survive. In the end all animals are food. So I don't really think what I said was really true. I think that I have a balance should be required for all ranchers/farmers that raise animals for meat and food.


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## SkyWarrior (Oct 31, 2012)

Late, but...


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