# Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveller



## Farmer Kitty (Feb 25, 2009)

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveller

December 8, 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!



December 9   


We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!  
Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered 
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!



December 12


The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.



December 14


Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The
temperature dropped to -20.  The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life!  The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't 
realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.



December 15


20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.



December 16


Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a** on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like h*ll. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
cruel.



December 17


Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.



December 20


Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the d**n stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all day. The d**n snowplough came by twice.  
Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. 

Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.



December 22


Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to p*ss. By the time I got undressed, p*ssed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the a**h*le is lying.



December 23


Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!  
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.



December 24


6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a b*tch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the d*mn snowplough.



December 25


Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the d*mn slop tonight - Snowed in The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate
the snow! 
Then the snowplow driver came bye asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a  fricking idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.



December 26


Still snowed in.. Why the h*ll did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. 
She's really getting on my nerves. < BR>


December 27


Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.



December 28


Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The B*TCH is driving me crazy!!!



December 29


10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?



December 30


Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his a**. The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.



December 31


I set fire to what's left of the house. No more
shoveling.



January 8


Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?


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## Thewife (Feb 25, 2009)

Just more proof, that stuff is bad!

I would not have made it past December 14!


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## WildRoseBeef (Feb 25, 2009)




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## wynedot55 (Feb 26, 2009)




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## BeardedChick (Feb 26, 2009)

Our police blotter ~20 years ago had an item about a 70 year old woman who pulled a gun on the county snow plow driver after he plowed snow across her driveway for the umpteenth time.   That tickled me so much I have it saved somewhere... 

Gramma had enough of that!!


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## jhm47 (Feb 26, 2009)

Another 8 effin inches of the white crap this AM.  Supposed to get another 6-10 by tonight, and more tomorrow.  I AM SICK OF IT!!!!!!!

And when it does finally melt, Fargo and Grand Forks, ND will be flooding again.


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## Farmer Kitty (Feb 26, 2009)

jhm47 said:
			
		

> Another 8 effin inches of the white crap this AM.  Supposed to get another 6-10 by tonight, and more tomorrow.  I AM SICK OF IT!!!!!!!
> 
> And when it does finally melt, Fargo and Grand Forks, ND will be flooding again.


I hear you. 6-10 expected here today. ENOUGH ALREADY!


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## GrassFarmerGalloway (Feb 27, 2009)

That's why I have myself a nice hefty tractor with a big, macho snowplow on the front!

*fires up the tractor and shows off*


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## Farmer Kitty (Feb 27, 2009)

Showoff!


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## GrassFarmerGalloway (Feb 27, 2009)

I'm a... *sob*  SHOW OFF?  I'm going to run off in a corner and cry  now!

*runs off into a corner and cries*


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## Farmer Kitty (Feb 27, 2009)

Remember these words?


			
				GrassFarmerGalloway said:
			
		

> *fires up the tractor and shows off*


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## GrassFarmerGalloway (Feb 27, 2009)

*le gasp*

I WROTE THAT?


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## WildRoseBeef (Feb 27, 2009)

You're so funny GHG!


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## GrassFarmerGalloway (Feb 28, 2009)

Are you talking to me?  I'm gFg, not gHg, btw!  

Thank you!  I get the humor from my mom.  (My brother didn't.  His sense of humor makes me want to )


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## WildRoseBeef (Feb 28, 2009)

GrassFarmerGalloway said:
			
		

> Are you talking to me?  I'm gFg, not gHg, btw!


Oops! I'm sorry, my bad!!


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## GrassFarmerGalloway (Mar 1, 2009)

LOL, no problem!


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## michickenwrangler (Apr 1, 2010)

I've read the Michigan version of that which is similar but ends up in Florida


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## ChickenGirl11 (Dec 15, 2010)

You guys are luckey ---I wish there was tons of snow here----even if it means helping shovel the driveway


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## goodhors (Dec 15, 2010)

ChickenGirl11 said:
			
		

> You guys are luckey ---I wish there was tons of snow here----even if it means helping shovel the driveway


I think you have just cursed yourself!  Snow is one of those "Ask and you SHALL receive!!", unless you own a ski resort.


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## ChickenGirl11 (Dec 18, 2010)

Thank lord 2cm of it now---melting fast though


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## Dutchgirl (Jan 9, 2011)

Please help to keep this forum family-friendly by not using language. It's not necessary and it's just plain ugly.


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## Dutchgirl (Jan 14, 2011)

Did I just kill this thread?


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