A NEW DIRECTION FOR THE OLD RAM

[Hens and Roos]

My elderly parents lost their home in Hurricane Harvey and stayed with me for 5 months. Hardest thing I've ever done in life up to now and the saddest thing was when I had to admit I couldn't do it anymore and found them a place in an assisted living facility.

Mom was often confused and thought that my brother and I had sold her home out from under her and had stolen all their money. It would shake me to the core when she would accuse me of that.

Dad was better at that point and understood that the home was destroyed - but was angry that he couldn't go home and fix it. At that time he couldn't get up out of a chair alone. Dads physical health got better under my care but both of them deteriorated mentally...stress and change will do that. At that time stress and change were unavoidable and there was no way to ease it.

They would both wander at night, drop and break things, leave water running all night in the sink and would try to cook. I would find jars of peanut butter and loaves of bread in their bed. One night I caught dad trying to go out for waffles. He couldn't drive and didn't have a vehicle but he was determined. He cussed me out for not letting him go even though I was in the kitchen crying my eyes out and cooking waffles for him at 2am.

At times they wondered when I was going to go home because they began to think that I was the one staying with them.

These were people who had spent their whole lives trying their best to live a healthy lifestyle and for this ending? Mom passed at 86 and six weeks later dad, (89) followed her.

Being a caretaker is the hardest thing you can ever do and oftentimes there is no reward except for knowing that you gave it your best.

Hang in there because the ride is bumpy. I've got nothing but respect for what you are doing. Jenny is very lucky to have you in her corner.

 

[Rammy]

My elderly parents lost their home in Hurricane Harvey and stayed with me for 5 months. Hardest thing I've ever done in life up to now and the saddest thing was when I had to admit I couldn't do it anymore and found them a place in an assisted living facility.

Mom was often confused and thought that my brother and I had sold her home out from under her and had stolen all their money. It would shake me to the core when she would accuse me of that.

Dad was better at that point and understood that the home was destroyed - but was angry that he couldn't go home and fix it. At that time he couldn't get up out of a chair alone. Dads physical health got better under my care but both of them deteriorated mentally...stress and change will do that. At that time stress and change were unavoidable and there was no way to ease it.

They would both wander at night, drop and break things, leave water running all night in the sink and would try to cook. I would find jars of peanut butter and loaves of bread in their bed. One night I caught dad trying to go out for waffles. He couldn't drive and didn't have a vehicle but he was determined. He cussed me out for not letting him go even though I was in the kitchen crying my eyes out and cooking waffles for him at 2am.

At times they wondered when I was going to go home because they began to think that I was the one staying with them.

These were people who had spent their whole lives trying their best to live a healthy lifestyle and for this ending? Mom passed at 86 and six weeks later dad, (89) followed her.

Being a caretaker is the hardest thing you can ever do and oftentimes there is no reward except for knowing that you gave it your best.

Hang in there because the ride is bumpy. I've got nothing but respect for what you are doing. Jenny is very lucky to have you in her corner.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

There were good times during that period. I learned so much about both of them in the early days and we had many great conversations.

But, as horrible as giving up is - it's important to know when to find a better situation for them than you can give them yourselves.

Their needs became more intense and they needed 'round the clock care. I couldn't stay awake 24 hours, hold a job and take care of my husband (who had 4 eye surgeries during that time) along with a household and animal chores. I had to finally admit that I couldn't do enough for them at the end.

I don't think TOR is at that point yet and will give his Jenny the best care that he can. No doubt she will be better off staying in her element as long as she possibly can.

 

[greybeard]

He cussed me out for not letting him go even though I was in the kitchen crying my eyes out and cooking waffles for him at 2am.

Yes, unfortunately, that too is part of it. Lashing out in some of the worst ways at those that care the most about them. It doesn't always happen in every case, but it is not at all unusual and it will sometimes become a physical reaction from them. They can't help it tho..they have no idea and no control and just can't separate reality from the paranoia. Worse late in the evening and at night. Sundowners Syndrome. I saw that with my father as well.

B-i-l would walk around looking for his truck, when he hadn't owned a vehicle or had a valid dl in 2 years... then raise Cain at my sister for "hiding it from him".

Again from my personal observations and from what I've been told by healthcare professionals:
The patients often hide this kind of behavior from strangers or other family members. IOW, They act perfectly normal when someone else is around or when out in public.

It is a VERY complex disease.

 

[Hens and Roos]

The patients often hide this kind of behavior from strangers or other family members. IOW, They act perfectly normal when someone else is around or when out in public.

It is a VERY complex disease.

We experienced/saw this with my Dad on a regular basis especially when those not part of the normal everyday household came to visit, he was able to act perfectly normal....

 

[frustratedearthmother]

They can't help it tho..they have no idea and no control and just can't separate reality from the paranoia.

And they don't remember it 5 minutes later....

 

[Baymule]

My Mom lived with us after her stroke. I had to watch her like a hawk. I fussed at my husband one time because he was going to oil the squeaky hinges on the front door. Those squeaky hinges told me Mom was going out the front door. She would go out the door and start up the street, sometimes right out in the road. She snuck car keys out of my purse a couple of times and took off. I put my purse way under the bed after that, she couldn't get down on the floor. LOL I also finally had to realize that I couldn't do 24 hour care, I was exhausted. I put her in assisted living and visited her almost every day. The staff said no one else visited as much as I did. That was my Mom. Of course I was going to be there as much as I could for her. She died on Father's Day, my husband and I were with her, holding her hand and talking to her. She passed peacefully.

T.O.R. you are doing the right thing. The love you have for your wife comes through the miles and across oceans in the words you write. Much is written about young love, but the real beauty is in the years and years of old love.

 

[frustratedearthmother]

the real beauty is in the years and years of old love.

Truth!

 

[The Old Ram-Australia]

G'day folks,I am happy to report that our Xmas presents have arrived in the shape of over 4 ins of rain this month.We were going along pretty well but the other night we another 1 &1/2 ins which means we now have sufficient water for both the stock and house for the coming hot months.They are predicting we will get 30 c's + temperatures in the coming days which will spur on the grass groth which will be another relief as well as a financial one as well.

For those of you who have been "around" the site for a number of years will remember Penny's Xmas photo that I posted each year,well she is back .For those of you who do not know Penny was bred by jenny and purchased by her new mum and dad and each year they drop us a note and a photo (which we love getting as a Xmas pressie each year).BTW she is now 8 years old.

We would like to take this opportunity to wish you all "The very best for the festive season and like us look forward to the new experiences that will come in the next year."

Til next year it's "Cheers and Beers " from T.O.R.

 

[Baymule]

That is an adorable picture.