A NEW DIRECTION FOR THE OLD RAM

[Rammy]

So sorry to see what shes going thru. I know it takes alot of strength and patience on your part to be there for her and protect and help her. She is lucky to have you. I know its very hard dealing with that and how mentally and physically exausting it can be for the caregiver. Are there any support groups that can help you? I cant imagine how tough it must be for you. Jenny is lucky to have such loving partner taking care of her.

 

[Latestarter]

So sorry to hear... I know you're doing all that you can, but remember that you have to take care of you too.

 

[B&B Happy goats]

You dear loving man, your wife is so blessed to have you by her side.....It is extreamly difficult to care for your loved one as their mind fades away.....while you are able to remember her as she once was... you are having to care for her as she now is.... I hope in the moments of fustration that you face on a daily basis, ...thoese wonderful memories of your life together give you stregnth, patience, and the health to continue on with your lifes journey together

 

[Baymule]

You said, that's life. I say, That's LOVE. Bless you, my prayer for you both.

 

[The Old Ram-Australia]

G'day and thank you all for your kindness.I do think it is important to talk about the illness as I am sure that at least some of you will exposed to it via partner,relative or friend in your lifetime such is the occurrence of it in today's society.

I do have very good support in some ways but much of it I cannot take advantage of yet.We have our youngest daughter who lives 1 hr away and actually did a uni course so she could understand the process and likely outcomes.I also have access to a 24/7 hotline if I need to discuss problems,I also have a support person who I can call on with just a phone call if the need arises.Recently on the advice on my support girl I left Jenny with my daughter for about 2 hours while I had a chat and a look at the local hos;ital setup.The conflict that arose lasted fro almost 24 hrs and I won't attempt it again in the near future....I suspect that Jenny is afraid that if I am away I am "plotting" to send her away ,years ago we went to see her sister who had been put into care way to early as far as I am concerned because her husband and family were not committed enough to her care and when we chat about it,all the reassurance I offer is forgotten soon after but her worries remain.

When I visited the the care unit in the local hospital I came across a farmer neighbor of ours,his wife and family had put him in it would seem rather than take care of him at home .We had a nice chat for about 15 min and he confided to me that he was never going home or would see his beloved farm and cattle again,I am determined that this will not happen to jenny while ever I can cope with her.

Oops she back.bye for now .T.O.R.

 

[Rammy]

I so wish I could give you a big hug.

 

[Mike CHS]

It may not be a lot of support but I hope you know that everyone here is pulling for you.

 

[greybeard]

.I suspect that Jenny is afraid that if I am away I am "plotting" to send her away ,years ago we went to see her sister who had been put into care way to early as far as I am concerned because her husband and family were not committed enough to her care and when we chat about it,all the reassurance I offer is forgotten soon after but her worries remain.

That is one of the hallmarks of the illness. Some amount of paranoia.

I sometimes watched my b-i-l to give my sister a break or if she needed to go somewhere and do something she couldn't keep an eye on him every minute...he had a tendency to wander off. Every 20 minutes, he would ask "where's Joan?". (my sis's name) I would tell him, reassure him she would be back soon and what time, and a few seconds later he would say, "Oh that's right, I guess she'll be back soon". I found he did a lot better at their place instead of mine or one of his children's..............I live 7 just miles away and saw him a lot more often than they did, and he was even more comfortable, if we got in the truck and went driving around an hour or so and stopped to eat. He really LOVED to eat, but he was not overweight at all.
From everything I've read and seen, they do better for longer, if they can stay engaged with things they are familiar with, like daily tasks.

A kind of funny story..
About 2 years ago, I took him and my other b-i-l with me to the sale barn just to watch.......he used to have cattle and I thought he might enjoy it. He sat in the back seat of my truck. As long as we were on the familiar roads, he talked up a storm, but as soon as we turned of the US Highway at Livingston, he clammed up. I made sure we sat in the back up in the upper seats and I did have to watch him about raising his hand while the cows were running thru the ring. Afterwards we drove a few miles away to one of those all-u-can-eat catfish places and ate a late lunch and then went straight home to his place. After I dropped them off my sis called me and asked if we had eaten anything and I told her we did and he got second helping and pie for desert...it hadn't been an hour between the time we left the catfish place and getting back home. She said "Why, he told me he didn't eat all day long and all ya'll did all day was just drive around and 'round in circles." (I figured, he had somehow gotten 'us' confused with the stock running in and out of the ring.)

He was an electronics whiz back in the days of vacuum tubes and when transistors were something new. He actually worked for NSA when he was in the military service, helping to eavesdrop on Moscow from Germany in the 60s and afterwards designed downhole electronic logging tools for Haliburton and Schlumberger. Had his own tv/radio repair business on the side and he was good at it. One of the smartest guys I ever knew....he could do anything.

I'm not much on touchy feely stuff or all huggy like but would sure like to shake your hand Old Ram.

 

[Hens and Roos]

My parents lived with us for what turned out to be the last 8 months of my Dad's life as my Mom needed extra help...it wasn't easy and despite the challenges we have good memories. My Dad showed similar tendencies as to which you mention. Continued thoughts and prayers for you both

 

[frustratedearthmother]

My elderly parents lost their home in Hurricane Harvey and stayed with me for 5 months. Hardest thing I've ever done in life up to now and the saddest thing was when I had to admit I couldn't do it anymore and found them a place in an assisted living facility.

Mom was often confused and thought that my brother and I had sold her home out from under her and had stolen all their money. It would shake me to the core when she would accuse me of that.

Dad was better at that point and understood that the home was destroyed - but was angry that he couldn't go home and fix it. At that time he couldn't get up out of a chair alone. Dads physical health got better under my care but both of them deteriorated mentally...stress and change will do that. At that time stress and change were unavoidable and there was no way to ease it.

They would both wander at night, drop and break things, leave water running all night in the sink and would try to cook. I would find jars of peanut butter and loaves of bread in their bed. One night I caught dad trying to go out for waffles. He couldn't drive and didn't have a vehicle but he was determined. He cussed me out for not letting him go even though I was in the kitchen crying my eyes out and cooking waffles for him at 2am.

At times they wondered when I was going to go home because they began to think that I was the one staying with them.

These were people who had spent their whole lives trying their best to live a healthy lifestyle and for this ending? Mom passed at 86 and six weeks later dad, (89) followed her.

Being a caretaker is the hardest thing you can ever do and oftentimes there is no reward except for knowing that you gave it your best.

Hang in there because the ride is bumpy. I've got nothing but respect for what you are doing. Jenny is very lucky to have you in her corner.