frustratedearthmother
Herd Master
- Joined
- May 7, 2013
- Messages
- 8,111
- Reaction score
- 14,945
- Points
- 623
Oh noooooo - but so glad you're ok!
Carla D-Great new adventures and an Amazing Life
- Thread starter Carla D
- Start date
Baymule
Herd Master
I wish I could make it stop for you. Hope you get out of the durned ditch and back home safe and sound.
- Thread starter
- #543
Carla D
True BYH Addict
Just a little shaken and quite unnerved.
Baymule
Herd Master
Are you out of the ditch yet? Did someone come get you?
- Thread starter
- #545
Carla D
True BYH Addict
I did get out thanks to a guy and a big green tractor. I don’t think I damaged DH’s Red Rocket too badly. I might have scuffed the chrome on his front bumper though.
I thought I was hurting before I left the house tonight. The trip to the ditch made it worse. I didn’t even brace for an impact, just kept the wheels straight for some reason. I wasn’t even driving obnoxious either. I’m kinda a granny driver in the winter.
- Thread starter
- #546
Carla D
True BYH Addict
Yes. I’m out and back home. Farm taken care of too.
- Thread starter
- #547
Carla D
True BYH Addict
We have some really steep ditches. This one was a fairly modest drop off. Only about 5-6’ deep. Many of the ditches we see on a regular basis are quite deep and steep. Thank goodness I wasn’t driving up north. We have a couple of deadly steep ditches less than a mile from our cabin. Those are honestly 30’ drop offs with the only thing to break a fall is a bunch of thin trees and a small pond/big mud puddle. That ditch scares the heck out of me. There isn’t even any guard rails along the road.
Baymule
Herd Master
What a relief that you are back home and out of the ditch. Glad that you weren't hurt.
- Thread starter
- #549
Carla D
True BYH Addict
Thank you. It was scary sitting so high up. I’ve usually been in cars when I visit the ditch. Usually once every 5-7 years. Thank you for your concern. I’m so very done with winter now. I don’t mind the winter, cold, or snow. But by the time March rolls around I’m ready to see it on its way into spring.
- Thread starter
- #550
Carla D
True BYH Addict
***WARNING***
This is going to be a huge pity party on my behalf. Before you read my words and get too deeply invested in this post I want to clearly state that I am NOT in a suicidal state of mind. Not tonight or even this week anyways.
This entire year has been more painful for me than the entire last five years put together. It is only March 6th. I think I’ve had three possibly four days where I’ve woken up and thought to myself “I can handle today without any major struggles.” That was in January. All day today I’ve been questioning the meaning of life and why was I put on this earth where I have so much drive, passion, and compassion for the people around me, my community, and all animals but snakes and crickets. If I’m supposed to use all of my good intentions, kindness, and caring to good use why was I given a body that started to physically breakdown around the age of 35? Dealing with depression and demons is challenging enough most days. I can handle aches and pains on a daily basis. It’s basically a physical condition on the body which is similar to depression is on a person’s brain, heart, Andy soul.
This last week I’ve struggled to turn door knobs, the round type. I struggle for several minutes to open water bottles. We drink the cheap flimsy bottle types, not the good Dasani or name brand waters that have solid caps and stronger bottles. The cheap ones have always been easier for me to open. Pulling my winter boots on is so tough that I’d wear my tennis shoes in tall rubber boots. But my feet get cold way too quickly that way. Tonight I had a hard time pulling a 3 inch hank or clump of hay from an a bale that already had the strings cut. Reaching into a rabbit cage to pick up a young netherland dwarf bunny for my daughter is getting really tough. Just the simple things on the farm and in live have become so tough. Even open a car door from the inside hurts like heck.
Every doctor I’ve ever gone to for my chronic pain/fibromyalgia has told me to keep busy, stay active, push yourself, keep your mind distracted from the pain, do things you love despite the pain. That’s the easiest way to get through it. I don’t do moderation. It’s a concept I’ve never learned. It’s all or nothing with me. And if you are going to do it, do it right the first time, give it your all, and don’t settle for less than your best. I know I overdid my limits when I was nursing. If I hadn’t, maybe I’d still be working. I went to school to learn furniture repair and restoration. That became too rough on my hands and wrists. I wasn’t at a professional level, but I wasn’t horrible either. We bought a thirty year project when we bought our cabin and chunk of land. I used to be able to haul wood, stack wood, cut it, help my husband gut the cabin room by room, rake the yard, mow the grass with a push mower, do some gardening. I don’t think I can do most of that now either. Then my husband got pigs which I absolutely love to pieces. I helped in so many ways. From being midwife to a sow/gilt and pulling out a stuck piglet, to reviving struggling piglets, giving shots and assisting the vet. I got to the point where it was truly therapeutic having the farm. Not only my pain but for my depression as well. I wanted some animals of my own. So I bought 9 baby bucklings. I lost one of them early into the ordeal. I also had challenge after challenge, even crises but I never gave up on them. They are my absolute favorite part of the farm. Their character, quirks, goofiness, love, affection, and the caring for them is so much fun as well.
I struggle with the fact that I’ve followed doctors orders. I’ve stayed active. Well actually, I became active after having struggled for a long time just to get out of bed, much less lead a life. I’ve found something that has actually replace my longing to be a nurse in some capacity or another with pure joy and excitement. I’ve worked really hard. Pushed through so much excruciating pain this winter. I’ve asked my doctor for a little help. Primarily physical therapy with an occasional pain medication. Today I asked for a muscle relaxer because even an hour after I sit down and relax I can still feel the muscles in my limbs going nonstop. Sometimes it isn’t visible to my eye, but uncomfortable as heck and super frustrating. I don’t expect my pain to ever go away completely. Honestly, I don’t want it to either. Because it always comes back stronger than when I started taking something for relief. I even broke down and told my doctor that I was using hemp, heat, cold, muscle rubs, TENS unit, rest, push like heck, keeping distracted and I got absolutely no relief from any of that. I just want to be able to do what I love doing, farming, spending time with my daughter, cabin time and renovation, organizing and reorganizing the clutter in my life. I just want to be able to do these things without feeling in agony afterwards. Sometimes the agony will last for a week.
I am to the point where I don’t want to see another 4-6 month long streak called winter. I can’t take the cold anymore. I’m also ready to move to a state that allows mmj or even recreational use of marijuana. I’m taking herbal supplements now as well. I’ve made some changes in my diet. Not quite as much as I should, but I’m starting and working on it. Doctors can treat other medical conditions why can’t they provide a little relief for the overwhelmingly strong chronic pain when it be unbearable? In fact, every doctor I’ve seen has told me to keep pushing through it. Don’t stop. What’s in motion stays in motion. If you stop you won’t be able to get started again. Activity is good for your pain. Well hells bells, they tell diabetics to cut the sugar, cut the carbs, blah, blah, blah. Or people with high blood pressure to cut out this, cut out that, on, and on. Most medical conditions people are told to avoid what triggers their symptoms, at minimum cut back as best as you can. So why is chronic pain any different. Why are we told to push through it, don’t stop doing what we’re doing that causes our pain. Most doctors will only treat us as if it all in our heads. They will happily toss you a script for an antidepressant, sometimes two or three of them. Why? Because the pain is all in our heads!!! B!S!. I’m almost to the point where I look forward a freak Accident or act of nature ends my pain. This is no kind of life. Why was I given the desire to help others anyway I possibly can? The drive to do things the right way the first time? Never settle for anything short of your absolute best? Never allow yourself to do anything less than you would expect someone else to do? Why waste all of that on me and give me an old broken down, rusted, beat up body? Why waste so much smarts on the criminals, serial killers, and the narcissistic people in our world? It makes no sense.
Yes, I’m angry as heck right now. Full of self pity. Frustrated beyond my ability to comprehend this. I’m going to bed now. Long day tomorrow. I gotta try and get the hooves of 8 wiry little goats trimmed, loved on, and out for some fresh air if the cold can stay away for a while. Then it’s the rabbit cages. I finally have the space to put them and the cages to put them in. They just need to be repaired and then set up. Maybe I can get these things done before another 10-18” of white crap blows into town this weekend. I’m so tired I’d this snow and cold. I’m ready for some boot sucking, deep, and dirty mud.
This is going to be a huge pity party on my behalf. Before you read my words and get too deeply invested in this post I want to clearly state that I am NOT in a suicidal state of mind. Not tonight or even this week anyways.
This entire year has been more painful for me than the entire last five years put together. It is only March 6th. I think I’ve had three possibly four days where I’ve woken up and thought to myself “I can handle today without any major struggles.” That was in January. All day today I’ve been questioning the meaning of life and why was I put on this earth where I have so much drive, passion, and compassion for the people around me, my community, and all animals but snakes and crickets. If I’m supposed to use all of my good intentions, kindness, and caring to good use why was I given a body that started to physically breakdown around the age of 35? Dealing with depression and demons is challenging enough most days. I can handle aches and pains on a daily basis. It’s basically a physical condition on the body which is similar to depression is on a person’s brain, heart, Andy soul.
This last week I’ve struggled to turn door knobs, the round type. I struggle for several minutes to open water bottles. We drink the cheap flimsy bottle types, not the good Dasani or name brand waters that have solid caps and stronger bottles. The cheap ones have always been easier for me to open. Pulling my winter boots on is so tough that I’d wear my tennis shoes in tall rubber boots. But my feet get cold way too quickly that way. Tonight I had a hard time pulling a 3 inch hank or clump of hay from an a bale that already had the strings cut. Reaching into a rabbit cage to pick up a young netherland dwarf bunny for my daughter is getting really tough. Just the simple things on the farm and in live have become so tough. Even open a car door from the inside hurts like heck.
Every doctor I’ve ever gone to for my chronic pain/fibromyalgia has told me to keep busy, stay active, push yourself, keep your mind distracted from the pain, do things you love despite the pain. That’s the easiest way to get through it. I don’t do moderation. It’s a concept I’ve never learned. It’s all or nothing with me. And if you are going to do it, do it right the first time, give it your all, and don’t settle for less than your best. I know I overdid my limits when I was nursing. If I hadn’t, maybe I’d still be working. I went to school to learn furniture repair and restoration. That became too rough on my hands and wrists. I wasn’t at a professional level, but I wasn’t horrible either. We bought a thirty year project when we bought our cabin and chunk of land. I used to be able to haul wood, stack wood, cut it, help my husband gut the cabin room by room, rake the yard, mow the grass with a push mower, do some gardening. I don’t think I can do most of that now either. Then my husband got pigs which I absolutely love to pieces. I helped in so many ways. From being midwife to a sow/gilt and pulling out a stuck piglet, to reviving struggling piglets, giving shots and assisting the vet. I got to the point where it was truly therapeutic having the farm. Not only my pain but for my depression as well. I wanted some animals of my own. So I bought 9 baby bucklings. I lost one of them early into the ordeal. I also had challenge after challenge, even crises but I never gave up on them. They are my absolute favorite part of the farm. Their character, quirks, goofiness, love, affection, and the caring for them is so much fun as well.
I struggle with the fact that I’ve followed doctors orders. I’ve stayed active. Well actually, I became active after having struggled for a long time just to get out of bed, much less lead a life. I’ve found something that has actually replace my longing to be a nurse in some capacity or another with pure joy and excitement. I’ve worked really hard. Pushed through so much excruciating pain this winter. I’ve asked my doctor for a little help. Primarily physical therapy with an occasional pain medication. Today I asked for a muscle relaxer because even an hour after I sit down and relax I can still feel the muscles in my limbs going nonstop. Sometimes it isn’t visible to my eye, but uncomfortable as heck and super frustrating. I don’t expect my pain to ever go away completely. Honestly, I don’t want it to either. Because it always comes back stronger than when I started taking something for relief. I even broke down and told my doctor that I was using hemp, heat, cold, muscle rubs, TENS unit, rest, push like heck, keeping distracted and I got absolutely no relief from any of that. I just want to be able to do what I love doing, farming, spending time with my daughter, cabin time and renovation, organizing and reorganizing the clutter in my life. I just want to be able to do these things without feeling in agony afterwards. Sometimes the agony will last for a week.
I am to the point where I don’t want to see another 4-6 month long streak called winter. I can’t take the cold anymore. I’m also ready to move to a state that allows mmj or even recreational use of marijuana. I’m taking herbal supplements now as well. I’ve made some changes in my diet. Not quite as much as I should, but I’m starting and working on it. Doctors can treat other medical conditions why can’t they provide a little relief for the overwhelmingly strong chronic pain when it be unbearable? In fact, every doctor I’ve seen has told me to keep pushing through it. Don’t stop. What’s in motion stays in motion. If you stop you won’t be able to get started again. Activity is good for your pain. Well hells bells, they tell diabetics to cut the sugar, cut the carbs, blah, blah, blah. Or people with high blood pressure to cut out this, cut out that, on, and on. Most medical conditions people are told to avoid what triggers their symptoms, at minimum cut back as best as you can. So why is chronic pain any different. Why are we told to push through it, don’t stop doing what we’re doing that causes our pain. Most doctors will only treat us as if it all in our heads. They will happily toss you a script for an antidepressant, sometimes two or three of them. Why? Because the pain is all in our heads!!! B!S!. I’m almost to the point where I look forward a freak Accident or act of nature ends my pain. This is no kind of life. Why was I given the desire to help others anyway I possibly can? The drive to do things the right way the first time? Never settle for anything short of your absolute best? Never allow yourself to do anything less than you would expect someone else to do? Why waste all of that on me and give me an old broken down, rusted, beat up body? Why waste so much smarts on the criminals, serial killers, and the narcissistic people in our world? It makes no sense.
Yes, I’m angry as heck right now. Full of self pity. Frustrated beyond my ability to comprehend this. I’m going to bed now. Long day tomorrow. I gotta try and get the hooves of 8 wiry little goats trimmed, loved on, and out for some fresh air if the cold can stay away for a while. Then it’s the rabbit cages. I finally have the space to put them and the cages to put them in. They just need to be repaired and then set up. Maybe I can get these things done before another 10-18” of white crap blows into town this weekend. I’m so tired I’d this snow and cold. I’m ready for some boot sucking, deep, and dirty mud.
