Feeling Guilted -- Should I be?

[SkyWarrior]

Okay for those of you who haven't gotten the full idiotic story, I'll try to make it brief. On July 16, my husband and I went out to ride horses. My horse and had had problems with her turning to go back, balking, backing up, and just not wanting to obey commands. Some of you had suggested that I find another horse. I don't remember the incident nor the day very well, but she balked at a common place and I rode around to double her, and at one point she bolted, leaping down into a ravine, and tossing me 30 feet down. No I don't remember anything of that. When I finally became conscious enough in the hospital they told me I had a broken neck, a dislocated elbow, and I basically had bruises from my left knee up to my shoulder. That doesn't even cover the brain damage I suffered from the concussion.

In the hospital, I made the decision to sell or place the horse. Perhaps that wasn't the right time to make it, but given the extent to my injuries, I figured it was a good idea.

Now, that I have contacted the rescue group whom I got the horse from, I'm feeling somewhat guilty. They're saying that I'm too confident and probably took her on a trail that they would never do. I don't know what kind of trail they are talking about this is a BML road in the place where she leapt off was more than 30 feet wide. They tell me that it's nobody's fault, but if I'm not willing to work with the horse, then it's best place the horse someplace else. It's not that I wasn't willing to work with her. I've been working with her for almost 2 years. That experience has nearly killed me. They go on and tell me that it's normal to get lots of injuries on a horse. That may be true, but I'm pretty sure that if I had caused her behavior, or if I knew the reason for it other than disobedience, I would probably let that slide.

So tonight, I'm feeling depressed and confused. Should I feel guilty about this? I've never before given up on an animal, but I'm pretty sure that this mare has learned some bad habits from her previous owner. The head of rescue actually told me that she would've taken that mare before I got her if she had had more room. That's how awesome she thinks that horse is. She thinks the sources well-trained animal. I had talked to the former owner after I had my first spill and found out that she was pretty much an arena horse. She's very flashy in the arena; has no real trail sense.

I don't know what to think anymore. What I really want is to find a nice trail horse. I'm tired, and I'm not sure if this is all my fault.

 

[goodhors]

They are giving you the typical "buck up, tough it out or you are coward" pep talk.
If the Rescue Head thought horse was that great, she would have scooped her up
regardless of how many she had at home.

I don't see why you should NOT HAVE had confidence in horse going past a place she
went by OFTEN, according to you. You had certainly put in the time to get her
that far and farther, with all the riding and effort to get her cooperating under saddle.
Good grief, how LONG do they think it takes to learn if a horse will go on Trails or not?
With most horses, especially having the confident friend along that husband rides, you
folks should have had horse over any issues with the steady exposure and ride time,
a long time ago. IF THE HORSE was mentally suitable for Trail riding. With horse
being older, not exposed to much outside the ring, I think you made a lot of progress,
but horse was NOT HAVING fun. She didn't gain any confidence by going out on
familiar trails over and over. Each outing was only slightly less scary than the very first
time down that road!

You need to interrupt those Rescue folks when they start with their spiel, and say you
have no confidence in that horse anymore. You want NOTHING to do with her, because
you no longer can trust her for anything. Do they want her back properly or do you tie
her to the front gate and drive off? Don't let them repeat their practiced lines on you,
you KNOW you did the best you could, and you don't want to ride her again, feed or
care for her anymore!! She is NOT EVER going to be the bold Trail horse you expect
for your riding needs. She needs an Arena rider, and that is not your goal. Interrupt
them if the start the guilt trip, walk away and don't listen to them.

Do not be "holding" the horse for them either, you will be stuck for a long time. Get a
drop off date and be done with it.

You did the best you could, no reason to be feeling guilty about any part of it!! You
never said you were a famous horse trainer who could fix any horsey problem!! Get
the mare back to the Rescue folks and be finished with them. Horses are what they
are, you can try to help them be better "horse citizens" but in the end, horse only
cares about what SHE wants to do. She finally got fed up with going down the trail,
tossed you, hurt you badly. NOT WORTH taking another chance on that horse, maybe
getting hurt again. That old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me TWICE,
shame on ME!" You have had a terrible experience, don't want to repeat it, so you just
NEVER get on that horse again, move her on. All horses are not alike, so you may want to try a
different horse for Trail riding when you are recovered.

You owe them no more explanations, beyond "I don't want this horse anymore", then hand
them the lead rope, and just walk away. You gave it your best shot, that mare wasn't
your destined Trail horse, so you move on. Keep in mind that there are MANY very nice
horses out in the world, and they are a lot of fun to have and use. No REASON to keep
a bad-minded, poor attitude horse to punish yourself with. Get a good horse and enjoy
using it. Horses at my house better be FUN to use, work around, or they are sold. Life
is too short to own trash-minded horses out to hurt you, regardless of their attractive body.

 

[ragdollcatlady]

I don't have horses and can't comment on this animal in that capacity, except to say that I agree with goodhors. The fact that you are done trying to help and rehabilitate the horse is just that. You are done. And with more than a good enough reason. That you are doing the upstanding thing and offering her back to the rescue is just their good fortune. A lot of people don't follow through with rescue agreements and pawn the poor tempered animals off on other buyers, neighbors, and anyone else, just to be rid of them. And without the benefit of full disclosure. Feel no guilt. She nearly cost you your life and almost managed to limit your mobility and physical capabilities in an extreme way.

I refuse to keep any animal that cases me too much grief over anything. I do sacrifice for the ones that love me and give me something back, but there are too many animals that would love to be cared for in my home for me to put up with mean, dangerous, untrustworthy, or just plain aggravating animals. And none of the animals I have had have ever cost me close to what this horse has cost you.

You did your best and are making the best decision for YOU at this point. You matter more than any animal.

They can have her back and if they think she is so grand, then all the better.

 

[promiseacres]

2 years is plenty of time to devote to a horse ...she is never going to be a trail horse! Her almost killing you And herself proves this! If the rescue refuses to trade her then in my opinion you have every right to find her a new homeand you an actual trail horse. That way u can be totally honest to the new owner about her issues. I have some issues with rescues....they are way willing to make up stories to get animals adopted then blame the new owners. I am sure you will feel bad you have invested so much into this mare. Give yourself time to grieve but I do agree the horse needs to go unless arena work is your cup of tea.

 

[Moonshine]

I have no experience with horses either but I agree with everyone else! If it were me, every time I looked at that horse I would think about what she cost me and how bad it.could have been. There's no sense in you having an animal on your property that you might resent. I had a dog that we were keeping until the shelter found her forever home ha yeah right! A year later we still had her. Called the shelter and told them we didn't want her and they said she was our dog now since we've had her for a year! We've had so many problem animals run though here because people lie to get rid of their problem! So I agree take her back and if they won't take her tie her up and drive off!!

 

[lovinglife]

Every horse is not right for every rider. Maybe this horse needs to go to a home that stays in an arena. You need a nice calm trail horse that does not freak out and end up killing you. Trails are dangerous in the first place, there is always something that can spook a horse in the mountains, get that horse gone and don't look back. Your health is much more important than what the rescue is filling you full of.

 

[Baymule]

You should not feel guilty. 2 years is more than enough to prove that this is not a good fit-for you or the horse. Some horses have issues that can never be resolved. It's not about you giving up on the horse, it's about a safe, sane animal that you are able to enjoy. I personally would never get a horse from a rescue as the horse really never belongs to you, and you run the risk of getting a horse with a screw loose like this one seems to have. For this woman to have the gall to suggest that is your fault and that you can expect to get hurt on a horse speaks volumes about her ignorance. Take the horse back NOW. Don't have anything more to do with this idiot at the rescue.

I had a TW gelding that was nutzo. I loved him and truly believed I could make changes in him. I was never hurt like you have been, but 4 years later and I still had a nutzo horse, I dumped him on a couple of cowboys that soon wished they never laid eyes on him. I was honest and disclosed everything about him, so they knew what they were getting. The point I am trying to make is sometimes you cut your losses and move on. There is another horse out there for you that won't half kill you.

 

[norseofcourse]

Absolutely do not feel guilty about this! You worked with her for two years, and made some progress - but obviously not enough to overcome this mare's early training/bad habits/experiences (or lack thereof)/temperament. You are not giving up - and don't let them make you feel like you are. You are acknowledging that this horse is not suitable or safe for your riding goals.

For them to say that it's "normal to get lots of injuries on a horse" is IMHO ignorant and irresponsible. I would not get a horse from any person or rescue with that attitude. They are trying to excuse not only the horse's behavior, but their poor judgement in placing the horse in a home that they knew she didn't have sufficient training or the temperament for.

Tell them the mare has NDD (Nature Deficit Disorder*) and can't cope on trails, and if they can't take her back and re-home her to someone who prefers arena riding, you will sell her yourself.

I'm sorry for your accident and glad you are recovering. Good luck finding a good safe trail horse - they are out there. I hope you find a great one and get to start enjoying trail riding again, once you are cleared medically.


* Slightly tongue-in-cheek - someone has actually come up with this! For children however, not horses. But it's an interesting theory...

 

[SkyWarrior]

Thanks everyone. I was feeling pretty down about it. Right now, I have the horse listed on Craigslist and I talked with the head of the rescue and told her that I don't have a lot of money, especially when faced with a $20,000 hospital bill (I don't have insurance) and I told her I wanted them to rehome her. They generally don't foster the rescue horses, and quite frankly my other horse, Scarlet, would go crazy without a pal. So, I'm looking for an inexpensive trail horse AND trying to place her. Sigh.

I am recovering, but I do get tired and brainless from the brain damage/concussion. The good news is I am getting better.

Thanks again. I needed some reassurance, I guess.

 

[CritterZone]

I would sure be careful about who I rehome this horse to. It doesn't sound to me like she is going to be safe for the majority of the horse-owning population. Sometimes the demons in rescued animals are just too much for them to ever get over. Have you considered euthanasia?