CntryBoy777
Herd Master
It looks good to me and should be received very well....
with the inspection!!
with the inspection!!
Jumping the Moon Dairy - the next chapter
- Thread starter babsbag
- Start date
Bayleaf Meadows
True BYH Addict
I think I would write
"small, family-owned, Grade ‘A’ goat dairy"
"small, family-owned, Grade ‘A’ goat dairy"
Bruce
Herd Master
Good point @Bayleaf Meadows, the family may be small but I don't think that is what @babsbag is trying to tell the customers.
And (sorry @CntryBoy777) I have to disagree on the "," between "raised" and "so". The "sentence" starting with "so" couldn't stand on its own thus it needs to be connected to the first part.
And (sorry @CntryBoy777) I have to disagree on the "," between "raised" and "so". The "sentence" starting with "so" couldn't stand on its own thus it needs to be connected to the first part.
Bruce
Herd Master
BTW, now that we've seen the brochure, we can all swing by the dairy unannounced, we have the address
- Thread starter
- #1,365
babsbag
Herd Master
@Bayleaf Meadows Yep, it is a small family too. But good point and I did change it.
And @Bruce To be quite honest I was wondering about the address and PETA types. I have to have it on all of the labels which doesn't thrill me one bit but it is the law. Maybe I will just put the city on the flyers.
The inspection was ok but still not done. But I don't have any goats in milk so I'm good. She has to come back in a few weeks to test my thermometers for the lab against an NIST reference thermometer. My reference thermometer doesn't go high enough...I need 56° and mine goes to 52°. The inspector has to come and check my pasteurizer thermometers next month so she will do the lab thermometers at the same time. It only has to be done once a year so I am not going to go and buy another thermometer for $150 + just to run these checks. The other thing I need to do is install the washing machine for the cheese cloth. I have the washer, just need to make room for it and get in installed.
But good point and I did change it.And @Bruce To be quite honest I was wondering about the address and PETA types. I have to have it on all of the labels which doesn't thrill me one bit but it is the law. Maybe I will just put the city on the flyers.
The inspection was ok but still not done. But I don't have any goats in milk so I'm good. She has to come back in a few weeks to test my thermometers for the lab against an NIST reference thermometer. My reference thermometer doesn't go high enough...I need 56° and mine goes to 52°. The inspector has to come and check my pasteurizer thermometers next month so she will do the lab thermometers at the same time. It only has to be done once a year so I am not going to go and buy another thermometer for $150 + just to run these checks. The other thing I need to do is install the washing machine for the cheese cloth. I have the washer, just need to make room for it and get in installed.
Last edited:
Southern by choice
Herd Master
Jumping the Moon Dairy is a small family owned Grade ‘A’ goat dairy in Northern CA that 50 Alpine and La Mancha goats call home.
I think "that" should be "where". I will reconstruct the sentence and double check.
Mango’s French Onion
Although it is clear with all the others that there is a "goat name" preceding the product, at first glance it could be interpreted as MANGO's FRENCH ONION as in French onion with Mango
Both of those are really not a big deal.
The kids are hand raised so "that" they are easier to handle and are a welcomed addition to the herd.
NO, you do not need "that".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok...
Not being a jerk but I am trying to look at this through fresh eyes.... removing all personal knowledge of your farm and animals.
I know you care well for your animals, I know you like things clean, I know you milk clean. Because I know you.
Your brochure will be going out as advertisement and for others to get to know you. From that perspective visual impressions/representations are powerful.
Picture one- there is a pile of poop or something that could be viewed as poop right where the baby kid is standing.
All of us know goats poop, and they do it wherever whenever they want... but you don't want people thinking your baby goats are standing in poop. When we have farms we are aware of farms and farmstuff... people that are buying your product don't have goats or they wouldn't need to buy it from you.
Picture #2- same thing
Picture #3 Love the pink CLEAN stanchions! BUT this is a terrible pic.
Heres why-
Hooves- very visible and overgrown
condition- very lean.... WE know that there is that period of time after kidding that goats look their worst and then they bounce back. WE know what a hard working dairy goat looks like. Optimal pic is where they are not showing that spine or sunken (3-6week after kidding) look. You want them when they are in there natural good condition.
You will be dealing with mainly people who know nothing about goats.
Both of these pics are bad but one is clearly worse
first pic is at least on spent hay- no poop.... 2nd pic is after we had 10" snow then rain... there is mud and grass is dormant... but all of you know we just had nasty weather so I was ok putting that pic here on BYH. I wouldn't put it in a brochure.
1st pic good- 2nd pic you can't see that he is standing under a huge tree... it looks messy... 3 rd pic same lil buckling
Yes, the nutso's will climb out of the wood work... When I read milked 7 days a week 10 months out of the year... I think hmmmm how would the crazies read that?
Reality is, you will put your goats first, some that have had problem you don't push them or tax them. I think that is important.
Hand raised- very open for interpretation. Hand raised can mean socialized with human contact, can still mean they are dam raised, or could mean bottle raised.
Like I said- not being a jerk.
The brochure is great in itself, I do think changing a few things will be beneficial.
From the very first day you said you had a crazy idea... and I knew by my spirit that it was "right" I have joyfully been with you in prayer and friendship.
Lucky you!
I think "that" should be "where". I will reconstruct the sentence and double check.
Mango’s French Onion
Although it is clear with all the others that there is a "goat name" preceding the product, at first glance it could be interpreted as MANGO's FRENCH ONION as in French onion with Mango
Both of those are really not a big deal.
The kids are hand raised so "that" they are easier to handle and are a welcomed addition to the herd.
NO, you do not need "that".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok...
Not being a jerk but I am trying to look at this through fresh eyes.... removing all personal knowledge of your farm and animals.
I know you care well for your animals, I know you like things clean, I know you milk clean. Because I know you.
Your brochure will be going out as advertisement and for others to get to know you. From that perspective visual impressions/representations are powerful.
Picture one- there is a pile of poop or something that could be viewed as poop right where the baby kid is standing.
All of us know goats poop, and they do it wherever whenever they want... but you don't want people thinking your baby goats are standing in poop. When we have farms we are aware of farms and farmstuff... people that are buying your product don't have goats or they wouldn't need to buy it from you.
Picture #2- same thing
Picture #3 Love the pink CLEAN stanchions! BUT this is a terrible pic.
Heres why-
Hooves- very visible and overgrown
condition- very lean.... WE know that there is that period of time after kidding that goats look their worst and then they bounce back. WE know what a hard working dairy goat looks like. Optimal pic is where they are not showing that spine or sunken (3-6week after kidding) look. You want them when they are in there natural good condition.
You will be dealing with mainly people who know nothing about goats.
Both of these pics are bad but one is clearly worse
first pic is at least on spent hay- no poop.... 2nd pic is after we had 10" snow then rain... there is mud and grass is dormant... but all of you know we just had nasty weather so I was ok putting that pic here on BYH. I wouldn't put it in a brochure.
1st pic good- 2nd pic you can't see that he is standing under a huge tree... it looks messy... 3 rd pic same lil buckling
Yes, the nutso's will climb out of the wood work... When I read milked 7 days a week 10 months out of the year... I think hmmmm how would the crazies read that?
Reality is, you will put your goats first, some that have had problem you don't push them or tax them. I think that is important.
Hand raised- very open for interpretation. Hand raised can mean socialized with human contact, can still mean they are dam raised, or could mean bottle raised.
Like I said- not being a jerk.
The brochure is great in itself, I do think changing a few things will be beneficial.From the very first day you said you had a crazy idea... and I knew by my spirit that it was "right" I have joyfully been with you in prayer and friendship.
Lucky you!
Bruce
Herd Master
I don't agree with "where 50 Alpine and La Mancha goats call home".
"where call home"?? I think "that call home" is better. Where would go with "live".
"where call home"?? I think "that call home" is better. Where would go with "live".
Southern by choice
Herd Master
I didn't lay out the construction but
Jumping the Moon Dairy is a place
Northern Ca is a place
Home is a place
It answers the question "WHERE"
Where is @Pearce Pastures when we need her?
- Thread starter
- #1,369
babsbag
Herd Master
When you figure it all out let me know. I cleaned up picture one (wish it was a easy to clean a stall). I cleaned up pic two the best I can and I changed picture number three.
As far as hand raising they will have to guess what that means.
I cleaned up picture one (wish it was a easy to clean a stall). I cleaned up pic two the best I can and I changed picture number three. As far as hand raising they will have to guess what that means.
Just because you asked and because I can... I would change the product order just a bit and put the soap and lotion under the last cheese entry since they are also goat milk products where eggs and honey aren't. I would then put a sub-header "Seasonal" then eggs, honey and the kids. If there isn't enough room you could always do the cheese on one line; Fresh Chevre & Feta cheeses (you have them detailed out on the center fold).
You're almost there! amazing...
OK, (biting tongue) my 2 cents worth... "The kids are hand raised so they are easier to handle, and are always a welcomed addition to the herd."
You're almost there! amazing...
OK, (biting tongue) my 2 cents worth... "The kids are hand raised so they are easier to handle, and are always a welcomed addition to the herd."
