Petrified of my new horse

[lfreem2]

I am hoping you all can help me figure out this irrational fear that I'm in a grip with. My 8 year old son has been taking horse riding lessons locally and is really loving it. Of course, one thing leads to another and we now have a horse in the backyard pasture (about 3/4 of an acre, and with access to trails right behind our property)! I don't know what the heck I was thinking doing this, but I've wanted a horse since I was a child. I did not have a fear of riding as a kid, and when I take my lessons (just straightforward western riding) at the stable, I'm perfectly fine. But suddenly this large creature in my pasture has me petrified!

This horse is broke for a kid to ride, and was owned by a little old lady who was riding him into her 70's until she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. So, he was sort of the ideal horse for the kids to learn on. I bought him because it is not easy to find a kid broke horse, and wanted to take advantage and get him, even though I was obviously wasn't mentally ready. Of course, my son is happy as a clam and unafraid.

But the reality is, that now that he's in the pasture I'm pretty well afraid of him. His size is just so overwhelming. I was not prepared to feel this way! I guess it's way different in a ring at a stable than it is in your own pasture! I truly did not connect the dots on that one!

The poor thing has done nothing wrong. He'll come right up to me in the field and eat carrots and apples right out of my hand. I just haven't a clue how the heck I'm going to have the balls to get up on him and ride him! We don't yet have a saddle, and still have to buy one a decent used one. At this stage, I'm thinking, oh my god what have I done, and that I need to sell this poor creature to someone who is not going to be terrified of him.

Weird thing is that I've had animals my entire life--but I think it's his size and the fact that I recognize he can hurt me that is playing with my brain. I've got 2 goats in the pasture with him right now who are also looking at me as if to say, what the heck were you thinking bringing this huge guy here??

For now, I am staying on the ground and letting him get to know us a bit. But, heavens, how can I overcome this silly fright???! The thought of owning a horse seemed more reasonable in mind than in actuality!

 

[mully]

This has to do with age and responsibility ....you see the outcome if you get hurt so the fear creeps in. If this horse is kid safe then go slowly and get up and ride, your fear will subside after a few short rides. Enjoy him!!

 

[patandchickens]

The best solution would be to have a trainer (ideally, your kid's riding instructor) come to your house a few times and give you lessons. Soon you will be more comfortable working on your own, but someone overseeing things can really help you over the hump.

If not a professional paid instructor , then see if you can bribe a good experienced horseman with dinner or whatever necessary -- if your kid's riding instructor can't or won't come teach you, perhaps she could recommend someone, e.g. an experienced boarder at that barn?

Also, it's not like you HAVE to ride him. There is no deadline or timeline, you don't even have to EVER ride him if you don't want. As long as you can handle him enough to move him where he needs to go and clean him and pick his feet and doctor any wounds and so forth, that's really all that's required. So there is no major pressure

Good luck, have fun,

Pat

 

[lfreem2]

The best solution would be to have a trainer (ideally, your kid's riding instructor) come to your house a few times and give you lessons. Soon you will be more comfortable working on your own, but someone overseeing things can really help you over the hump.

If not a professional paid instructor , then see if you can bribe a good experienced horseman with dinner or whatever necessary -- if your kid's riding instructor can't or won't come teach you, perhaps she could recommend someone, e.g. an experienced boarder at that barn?

Also, it's not like you HAVE to ride him. There is no deadline or timeline, you don't even have to EVER ride him if you don't want. As long as you can handle him enough to move him where he needs to go and clean him and pick his feet and doctor any wounds and so forth, that's really all that's required. So there is no major pressure

Good luck, have fun,

Pat

Pat I did email my son's instructor and she is willing to come to our property and work with us here since we are only 2 miles away from them. I have also talked to a neighbor here who had horse experience and is coming over tomorrow to assist me.

I can't imagine having a horse and not being able to ride him. I would just sell him in that instance, because there would be no reason to incur the cost, time and effort.

I just did not expect to have this feeling/emotion. I literally had my first panic attack in the shower today over it. I have no idea what a panic attack really is, but I can only assume that is what it's like. I have plenty of other animals, large dogs, goats, chickens--but I've never had a critter that is larger than me. I just don't know what's come over me. I have never, ever been scared by anything like this. I consider myself a fairly tough broad and I'm 42, it's not like I'm some silly kid. But, heck, my knees are knocking for some unexplainable reason. I just keep thinking in my head that this animal can hurt me or one of my kids, and I have been unable to shake that feeling all day. I'm so disappointed in myself!

 

[elevan]

I want to say that it's just intelligent fear...you are a responsible adult and your mind is telling you what CAN happen. BUT, those things can happen at a stable or arena too.

I agree with the other's posts that you need to have someone help you work the horse on your property to help overcome the problem.

Panic attacks are a real medical problem and you may have to seek your doctors help to get over this too.

I wish you the best!

 

[miss_thenorth]

We got our horses four years ago,they are mostly for my dd. I didn't know much of anything about them, never had been around them ever. My hubby had some experience, but not alot.

Iwasn't scared of them, but at the same time, not exactly comfortable. I took riding lessons. And spent alot of time in the barn grooming them and talking to them, picking our their hooves. I love my big babies now, and it really didin't take that long for me to love them. It is normal to have a bit of fear of them--as in they are really big animals and can do alot of damage of not handled/cared for properly. I call it healthy respect. Just give it a bit of time, and take some lessons,s o you get comfortable with them.

I don't ride much now, its more my dds thing, but I do care for them an awful lot, and I have no issues at all regarding fear. give it time.

 

[mydakota]

I think you are being a little bit hard on yourself. It sounds like you chose wisely, and got a horse that you have a good chance of learning on and having fun with. At least you were smart enough to not go out and buy some green colt so that he and your kids could "grow up together". While I understand where you are coming from about not keeping a horse if you won't ride him, I do think patandchickens has a valid point. You are free to operate on the timeline that is comfortable for you. There is no deadline by which you have to ride him. You are doing to right thing, and seeking help from someone more experienced than yourself. I think you should take a deep breath, and give yourself some time (and maybe some slack).

Have your instructor teach you some basic groundwork exercises. The horse, as a seasoned veteran, may not need them so much, but you do. Some yielding, and bending, and moving to pressure stuff you can do from the safety of the ground. Once you see how much control you have from the ground? I bet riding will seem less daunting. Hang in there. You are going to have a great time!

 

[lfreem2]

I ended up selling him and he was trailered away today. I just could not sleep/eat with him in my pasture. It was such a weird feeling since I've loved horses since I was 5 years old. But he was just too big and I was intimidated of him. I still can't wrap my brain around what happened and why I reacted the way I did. Just too strange!

I think I will try again with a smaller horse at some point...

 

[elevan]

I ended up selling him and he was trailered away today. I just could not sleep/eat with him in my pasture. It was such a weird feeling since I've loved horses since I was 5 years old. But he was just too big and I was intimidated of him. I still can't wrap my brain around what happened and why I reacted the way I did. Just too strange!

I think I will try again with a smaller horse at some point...

Please don't take this wrong but I think maybe you should really talk to your doctor before you try again.

I've had a couple family members who have panic attacks. They are real...it's not all in your head. You really need to deal with them before you try again. No one will think less of you for talking to a dr about it and it'll give you resources to deal with the issue in case you develop another trigger.

I wish you the best.

 

[MissDanni]

I have suffered from panic attacks for 10 years.

It's a real medical illness and there is plenty of help if you want it.

Not to get all Dr.Danni or anything but its something you do NOT want to let sit. It will only get worse if you let it go. Talk to your doctor and nip it in the bud now; please trust me on this.

When we are children our brains get programmed.

For example:

You touch the stove and it burns you - Your brain reacts like this - touching + stove = bad.

You smell a flower - your brain reacts like this - smelling + flower = good.

These are rational reactions.

Now the trouble with panic attacks is that they send the wrong information to your brain and can really take away all the many things you love and love to do.

For example:

You go to your favorite grocery store and you out of the blue have a panic attack. Your brain reacts like this - grocery store + panic attack = bad.

Your brain then will react with panic when you go to the store, so you end up not going there anymore.

Another example:

You get a new horse - you have a panic attack. Your brain reacts like this - horse + panic attack = bad.... so you sell the horse and panic about ever having one again.

These are irrational reactions. I hope you follow what I mean. Now don't get me wrong, its completely normal to feel a bit nervous with a new horse, but it should not cause you the amount of fear that causes a panic attack.

Now you can fix this with a strong determination and help from your doctor. Chances are if you have had one attack, you will have more. So the first thing to do is see the doctor and have him/her give you something to chill you out while you RE-program yourself.

Then you MUST work through the things/places/whatever that make you feel anxious and panic. You have to replace the negative experiences with positive ones so your brain can properly react.

However, you need to do this is slow steps that you feel comfortable with. No one can force you or push you, that wouldn't do any good at all, in fact that would cause you more anxiousness.

People who have anxiety attacks and panic attack are not crazy, weird or anything awful. One in three people actually suffer from one form or another, its the fact that suffers FEEL like they must be crazy and never talk about that keeps this issue in the dark.

You are not alone and you are not crazy.

In fact, I was told by a doctor that as long as you question your sanity, you're doing just fine. When you have truly gone crazy you won't think that anything is wrong, you'll think you are fine and everyone else is crazy.

Anyways enough of my speech... If you ever need or want to talk, feel free to give me a shout. I'm not a doctor by any means but I do have lots of experience on the subject.

Big Hugs!