Ragdollcatlady's Just a Little Patch of Weeds Farm journal

[Latestarter]

Please don't get angry... Just trying to offer alternative solutions... Perhaps with the change in life status you see coming, it would be in everyone's best interest (you, Alaska, the animals - health/wealth/& well being) to down size to ONE herd, ONE breed, ONE buck, and 4 to 5 of the best does, for your new start in AK?

You could then do one simple structure to house them and separate the interior of the barn into 3 sections, one large for the does and 2 smaller (one for the buck, the other for you/feed/hay/tools/etc.), and have outdoor pen access from the two inside pens with goats, to two pen areas to hold the goats? When kidding time comes, you can let the potential moms use your section inside as a kidding area.

The smaller barn will hold heat easier in the winter months (8+), and help the animals keep warm better. It would cost less to build. It would also have a smaller footprint on the land, leaving more space for larger pens.

Once you get all situated in your new home/life/environment, you can re-build your herd as you and your SO decide is acceptable; adding more animals, more breeds, bigger barn(s)/pen(s), etc. Though it will hurt to let all these animals go now, it will ease your (& Alaska's) mind during the move and transition, save lots of $$, as well as simplify getting re-established there. It will also help Alaska to ease into things with you and the new animals/living arrangements. There are other animals involved with this as well with the dogs and cats and whatever else. Alaska is going to have a huge adaptation coming as well as you and your animals. As I recall, he's a "city" guy with no animals... BIG changes coming for him also.

I can understand his new found trepidation and worry... He's going to be taking on a huge financial "load" when you and all these animals arrive. Speaking as one who has been married twice and been engaged to women with kids/baggage multiple times... When you arrive, you won't have a job or be able to help support the new "family unit". He's going to have to carry the biggest part of all costs associated with this change in status for both of you and then maintain that support as you get re-established. It's not like you'll be the only one "giving up" things to make this new situation come to exist and thrive. You'll both have to let things go and pick up new things and adapt as you go.

 

[ragdollcatlady]

I already cut my boer herd in half, letting go of several of my adults and favorites that would have stayed here for a full retirement, despite not being the best or giving me what I wanted, but because they were favorites. If my life wasn't changing, my herd wouldn't either. My heart couldn't handle any more loss so I stopped selling at that point.

Which herd do I keep though?

The Nigerians I have had the longest, they taught me everything. I still have Jane, my first goat, she has been retired for years since she needed a C-section her last kidding. They are the ones that have done the fairs and brought home the ribbons, taught us to milk and how to read for signs of trouble while kidding. They are my girls I carried around forever as babies and the ones that played the games on the phones with the kids that were helping with milking chores. They are the ones that were inside when I kidded too late and they were tiny in the 112 degree heat, too hot for little ones, so they came in for an air conditioned nap during the hottest part of the summer. They are the ones that give me my milk for my coffee and the ones that are easier to write off as "pets" if they stop producing cause they are so much smaller and eat less, take up less space. Spelly is my favorite goat of all, and she might be nearing retirement as she has trouble with one of her back legs. I think my heart will break if I let these girls go.

I searched for years for quality Nubians after DS3s Nubian doe died. I finally found some I liked and that I could afford. Then I had to sell one of the sisters when the well went dry and I needed to cut my numbers. I finally found a buck I liked (just after the well issue, but I had been searching for 2 years, since I brought the girls home) and then got a beautiful and friendly doe to make my pair a trio, much better for the numbers, as justifying one buck for one doe isn't practical. These are much easier to milk and give much more milk, per animal, than the Nigerians, lower in protein and fat, but still good. They are my easiest to handle, mellow girls. Fancy is the one that lets me love on her more than all the rest of my goats even when there is food. She stays on the milkstand letting me pet her silky soft coat, rub her face, soaking in all my troubles from the day. After almost kicking over my milk if she runs out of grain before I'm done of course.

My boers were my last herd, but I have been working on them and I really invested in my last buck, Beast. He is a monster size wise, timid and shy with people, but I love him and he is adding fantastic things to the kids he is producing. My 2 biggest does are really coming into their own and I would never be able to afford to buy the size, color and genetics that I have right now. The only breeders that have animals like my 3 biggest goats in colors like them, ask a LOT of money for them. I paid more than I have for any other goat when I bought Beast, but I knew what I was buying and it was a fantastic investment. And I just plain lucked out when @babsbag hooked me up with these 2 big boer girls. I got into boers thinking I was getting into meat production and to produce market animals for my kids but we sold so many breeders that I just barely got to try eating goat this last year, and for the record it is fantastic. Fast growing boer kids are the most practical for meat production though these goats eat a ton compared to my nigis. I could theoretically milk them if I needed to, but when they have kids, they need to feed all that milk to keep those kids growing the way they do. It seems they would be more practical, to take with, but they are also the biggest and hardest to transport.

I spent a lot of time looking into pedigrees and searching for a lot of the genetics I have. I made a mistake years ago selling a couple breeds of chickens. I was never able to find those breeds in as nice of a quality as the ones we had. I would be really upset if I do let go of one or more of my breeds, only to be unable to find or afford the quality of animals that I have now, later on. I don't like just "goats" in general. I mean, goats are fine. My neighbor has goats and I can see other goats at the fairs, online on websites, etc, but I don't feel the desire to bring them home. I love my goats and I like to admire my goats because I buy and breed what I love and many of my goats are eye candy on top of their usefulness.

Also I won't have my heart invested in new animals they way I am invested in these. These goats at the ones that were there when my ex was treating me poorly, neglecting me and doing other bad things. I would go out to the back pasture late at night and they would follow me to the treehouse and keep me company while I cried a thousand tears. My herd trusted me, even in the dark, they came to me when I needed them. My children needed me to be the best mother I could, and my goats were always there, when I had to take a time out because I was broken. These goats were there when it was time to start letting my kids grow up and not need me so much. I gave more of my focus to the goats so my children could grow and be free without my heart hurting so much over our lives changing... because it was a necessary change. Teens and adult children grow, they need more time with friends, more time away from home, more freedom, less looking after, less mom being mom. But my goats still need me the same, they are always my kids and they don't grow up and move away to college. And I can tell them secrets.... they talk a lot, but they never tell anyone what I said the night before.

I have thought about it... but who do I choose to let go? and will I hold any resentment if I choose to let them go?

I would be angry and really, terribly sad if I had lost some of my other animals, but I know that I would harbor a lot of resentment if I lose my goats against my will. If he causes me to lose my house or my goats, I will absolutely hate my ex, with a deep resentment that will likely never leave. There are other very legitimate reasons that I don't like my ex, but nothing that borders on resentment like the feelings I will have if he costs me my herd.

I am not sure how I will navigate the stress of losing my goats if I am making the conscious decision to let them go because I can't bring them to Alaska.

I am already really stressed about and trying to come to terms with letting go of my house. I am a roots person, and with this house, the moment I walked through the front door, I knew I was home. My stability is already shaken to the core. Without my home or my herd, I will truly feel like a ship tossed about recklessly on the sea of life. If you see that my life is never just a nice routine, I don't expect that will ever change, so without my roots, my home, my herd, I will feel unanchored.

 

[ragdollcatlady]

And about Alaska, I am afraid just me being in his space will be a major adjustment for him. He has had his freedom and space to himself for so long that I'm afraid I will cause his life to be quite a bit more chaos than he will be ok with. And if I'm confined to a small space during poor weather, I will likely struggle too. I am a full blooded California hippie child, running barefoot to finish chores and having freedom to go and do whatever I want, whenever, especially if I get hit with cabin fever and not worrying about freezing or getting lost. I suggested seeing if I could find my own place to rent nearby, just to help the transition for both of us, I could have my animals and not be in his way, but he doesn't want that. I don't want to be the reason for additional stress on him. I am going to be really stressed by this move already. Not sure how else to help him with any of this other than reducing numbers and stuff which I am working on.

 

[Latestarter]

Life is hard... Hope no offense taken. I don't envy the choices and decisions you have to make. I do however hope that they will all be beneficial in the end.

 

[goatgurl]

life ebbs and flows, you have to decide which is more important. when I got divorced I moved back to Arkansas with 5 goats, a dog and 2 cats all packed in under the camper shell of my pickup. I sold over 20 goats before I left. was I sad, you betcha skippy. did I get over it? yup, by the grace of God. new life, new goats and life goes on. what do you want to do with the goats when you get to Alaska? the answer to that could help you decide which group to take. i'd take 2 Nubian does, 2 boer does and the boer buck. milk and meat. but i'm a homesteader kinda girl so that's just how I think. pray about it bbgirl then make the decision you are at peace with. you got this, just don't struggle till you're nuts about it.

 

[Wehner Homestead]

Just talking here...@Alaskan has mentioned the horrible market for selling animals this year. This is something else to consider as it may be difficult to sell any goats you don’t want to keep once you get there. (As in offspring.)

I also had the thought that the move may be difficult on some of your older ladies that have retired. The best choice for them may be a retirement home instead of making the move.

Something else you can do is take bred does. That gives you the option of taking certain genetics without hauling all of those bucks with you. I realize that there’s always the chance of losing the pregnancy with the transition but it may help...

I also wondered about using a boat to transport the goats and skipping Canada?? That would save a lot of paperwork...

I’m sorry about the ex issues. He’s taken enough of your life, don’t focus on him. You know what your future is! Move toward that!

 

[babsbag]

I honestly think that you should take them all with you but if you do decide to leave your Boers behind I might have a home for your two girls. Is it Bailey and the first one you bought from me? (I forgot her name...she is a solid red?) There is a really nice family that bought an LGD pup from me that would like to add Boers to their farm. They have two ND doelings for now, they are just starting the goat addiction.

 

[ragdollcatlady]

My rough week continued.... I got bit on the face/neck at work on Friday.

I did get my piercing. P.S. it HURT!!!! I mean.... I know it is a needle, a big one and all that, but I wasn't quite prepared for the pain. It isn't even uncomfortable or anything right now, but I am trying to be careful of course. Now I really have to prioritize taking care of myself.

Alaska asked me to get my herd down to 5.

I think that broke me. I haven't been sleeping cause I wake up crying every night. It isn't that I don't understand the logistics and practicalities, cost of feed, maintenance and all that, I do. And Im not trying to act like a petulant child. I just cant cope with this on top of everything else right now. I am trying to get into my own personal survival mode, where I can stash my heart and feelings into pandoras box, to just get through the hours, to keep moving and going through the motions until I am OK. Faking it til I can make it as they say. I cant even make it to the first stoplight before the tears start falling. Every drive, every day. I am not mad, just incredibly sad. I know he has no idea what they really mean to me, so I am not holding that against him, I just cant cut that deep right now.

My BFF, Mom, neighbor M, and a couple others that know me pretty well have asked how things are. Everyone is shocked and they all, my own mother included said that 5 is too few. My Mom said to me that these goats are all I have. She doesn't love them or anything like I do, but she gets what they are for me. I expected everyone to tell me that 5 was reasonable and to just go slow but to get down to that eventually, when I could of course, but without prompting or even asking, they all shared the same sentiment.

I don't suppose I really have words to explain that these animals are my heart, each for a different reason, some for personality, some for their genetics/quality/eye candy that I love to look at and pet, some for the sheer hard won relationship. It has taken years to earn the trust of Rigatoni (and even that is tenuous at best on any given day). My current plan is to get down to the 22 I wanted to take, pause and reassess. Then decide where I can afford to cut from there. And by that, I mean what my heart can afford. I understand that 22 might not be practical, I don't know if 5 is a realistic number I can reach though.

If I end up taking a less practical approach and bringing more of a pet herd, I will most likely no longer be improving the breed and wont be breeding to sell breeding stock anymore, as the overall quality will be less. I prefer and enjoy the dairy goat raising (milking) over meat goats, but I think raising meat for my family would be a more practical move if I can convince myself to get to that point. I hate crossbreeding meat and dairy animals as you lose the years of breeding toward the very traits that made the breeds the quality they are. One time I did breed a couple of tiny boers and a Nubian to my Nigerian buck one year as I did not have a Nubian buck, the boers were only 80lbs (but 2 years) and I didn't feel they could be safely bred to boer bucks that were literally more than double their weight. I bred for eye candy/pets/lower quality food animals basically and so I didn't lose another whole year of production for those animals.

When I tried to explain that I am really not able to cut that deep right now, Alaska suggested that I get rid of all of my goats, move there for a year, and then get different goats up there.

I know why he is suggesting that but I feel like he isn't hearing what I am saying.

I don't want anyone elses goats.

 

[Mini Horses]

I am going to throw this out there -- have not read your entire journal, nor know you from long past posts -- but, I have gone thru divorce, raising 2 kids, a SO whom I eventually married and he passed away. During all of this I have had animals and also had to sell off. It hurts. I struggled to keep several and they were retired from breeding, not eating. It's had moments of wonder...wonder how we got thru! At this time I have spent a lot of years without a SO in my life and can say it is just fine. Have always been a rather strong person and often a member of the "barely" club. Currently looking at more farm time & less income. Frugal living a must.

With all of this I read your recent posts and trepidation for selling the animals who are your heart. Not sure when/where you met Alaska, or WHY you'd want to move to such extremes. It does seem, however, that there is more lust than love and possibly this is NOT the move you need to make. WHY do you feel you will be happy there when you plainly express otherwise? WHY do you feel you MUST sell and move? Can you not postpone this and give such a major life change more thought? If it is love, it will endure. If not, then you've saved a lot of time, money and saved yourself from extreme stress, loss of your goals & "the point of no return".

Just as you have thought deeply about your own current life, make a list of the reasons WHY moving would be better. Are there feelings as great? Are you giving up "yourself" in this transition? Do you need to slow down and reconsider? Do you both have the same life goals and loves beyond some time together? Trust me, true love & happiness is not about a fun date, a week of good times. You need the stability of both parties having respect for each others quirks and loves, plus the ability to support them -- financially AND emotionally.

IMO you need to reconsider the scope & timing of this move.

 

[Southern by choice]

Sorry, I still see all the red flags. Love never requires you to give up all that makes you happy. If he can't get this about you then he really is clueless about you and then what else? Pushing that line little by little and you keep adjusting... this is so very not healthy.
The fact that the man let you unload a bajillion pellet bags says way move about him and you. What man does that?
Are you in love with the idea of love?

I am afraid just me being in his space will be a major adjustment for him. He has had his freedom and space to himself for so long that I'm afraid I will cause his life to be quite a bit more chaos than he will be ok with. And if I'm confined to a small space during poor weather, I will likely struggle too.

Perhaps if you are really bent on this you need to suggest he sell his place and that way you have a new "nobody's" space but equal footing in this new space.