Ridgetop - our place and how we muddle along

[Ridgetop]

When they dropped off the truck DH actually told him that he was too old to be acting this way and needs to man up. Said that knowing his work truck was not operable and then just sitting on it for a month without working was not an option. Told him he has 1 kid already and another on the way, needs to work to support his family. Grow up and be a man. Then Doofus said he had to take the 3 year old daughter to the park with DD2.

DH came home later and said that DD2 called while they were at the park and said they did not have any money to pay for the inspection to see what was wrong. DH told her that the shop did not charge for the inspection. DH made sure that his name was not on the paperwork. We think that Doofus told her to call to see if we would give them any $$. Really getting angry about this.

This morning DH and I had another discussion about not paying for the truck ourselves. We both think that Doofus figures that DD2 will ask us for the $$ to fix it. Not giving it to them since don't have it for them. Also not giving it to them after DH already gave DD2 $1000 last year to repair DD2's bad brakes (which only cost $600), and we also gave them $1200 for attorney's fees to fight for partial custody of Doofus' child. I told DD2 that the $1200 was a combination birthday, Christmas, and wedding present and she wouldn't get anything else. Then DD2 told us the other day that she had spent all her earnings and savings supporting them and paying his attorney's fees for partial custody of the child. DD2 is not too swift either sometimes. Now they have no money to fix the truck and Doofus is not working. She had said that she got a stimulus check at Christmas and spent it on presents for the 3 year old. A better gift would have been to fix the truck! DD2 also said she plans to got back to work as soon as possible after having the baby and is expecting us to watch the baby.

I will have DS2, DDIL2, DD1, come over while we are gone and check that Doofus is not staying here with DD2. We told her that she is not allowed to let him in the door. However, if he comes over with the child in tow, she will let him in to see the little girl. When we move she will probably come with us. Without DD2 insisting on partial custody the other baby mama will probably prevail in her suit to remove the child from the state. He won't have or want to spend $$ on fighting any petition like that with either his 3 year old or the new baby. If he wants visitation/custody and finds the money to fight her moving, we will leave DD2 behind. She made her bed, now she must lie in it. I know this sounds harsh and unfeeling, but anything else is enablement. Bad for us and for her. Thankfully Covid stopped the wedding.

No chance of rain after all. The weather patterns changed. The hills have gotten a little green. We have decided to take a load of 60-70 lbs. lambs to the auction early Wednesday morning, then drive straight to the butcher with the 100 lbs. lambs the same day. Long day, but we can remove about 10 mouths from the hay bill. Also less for DD2 to feed while she is here.

Too many complaints here. Sorry.

 

[thistlebloom]

I know this sounds harsh and unfeeling, but anything else is enablement.

This doesn't sound harsh or unfeeling to me at all. It sounds like tough love. And it's about time they both heard the wake up call.

 

[B&B Happy goats]

X2

 

[High Desert Cowboy]

Sorry you’ve gotta suffer with doofus but way to put your foot down about the house. Sounds like the kind of pest that if he got in you’d never get him out!

 

[farmerjan]

I have to totally agree with your handling of the situation. He either needs to get off his A$$ and "man up " as your husband so aptly put it... or DD needs to get her sh$t together and realize that he is not going to be a provider and get on with her life. VERY SAD for the little 3 yr old, at least it sounds like she has a mother that can take care of her; and now the new baby coming.... but you also are right to lay down ground rules and then make her stick to it.
What ever happened to his getting into the lineman job and supposedly his liking it?

If there was a tragedy of no one's making, and DD wanted you to watch the baby so she could return to work it would be one thing. But, you are my age, and starting over raising a child is not what you need to be taking on as a full time job with it being expected.
Texas is looking better and better I would think.

I can say that for all my not thrilled with the situation with DS and the gf.... she works and pays her bills.... she is not a slouch and as much I am not thrilled.... in that respect he could do alot worse. She spoils her daughter to the point of ridiculous and the child is growing up thinking she is entitled to be waited on..... and DS says that he has had a few things to say and that there have been some improvements in the daughters attitude.... They have to work it out. I do not live in that house. DS is friends with her ex so that helps..... they agree on most of the things it seems.... and her ex has a daughter from a relationship after the marriage was over and the gf has the little girl over regularly so she can have a relationship with her half sister.... and she likes DS too.... so they all do things together. DS wanted a family, so he has a cobbled together one..... plus the sister of gf whose husband died last year.... she has a daughter a year or 2 younger than gf's daughter, and the little boy that was a baby when the father died and that kid loves DS..... the sister leaves the kids with DS and gf often, so DS is like a father figure to him. GF's parents help out also, so the kids have a real blended family.
All that said, DS does not "support" gf or her bills.... I am sure that they share costs in some way, but he told me point blank that he pays his bills and she pays hers.... all this was volunteered on the trip to the dr appt the other day.... and I said that if he can make it work then that is what he needs to do. Maybe given some more time I will get past her reputation, and her treatment of him last year, sneaking around with the former boyfriend when DS had broken his hip; that is my problem. But she is not a leech financially....

 

[Baymule]

My son is 38, never married, no kids, nothing in sight. I would pee my pants if he brought a girlfriend to meet us. She could be green and pink polka-dotted with 12 fingers and I would swoon with excitement!

 

[Ridgetop]

DH and I had a long talk about the situation ad decided that DD2 has to decide what to do, We will not be giving any money to them. DD2 can return home if she decides to leave him but we don't want him here, Also we will need to have a talk with her about other stuff too. For instance she said that she would babysit his 3 year old f he has to work at his part time job. We need to point out that he will use her love for the child to convince her back. I told DH that she can't have the child here while they are separated since she has no legal ties to her. Also I don't want to get sued by the mother for an injury to the child on our property. The whole situation is very stressful.

When we move to Texas DD2 can come or not as she wishes. We won't be inviting Doofus even to visit. Too bad she wanted to rush the gun and get pregnant. This pregnancy was not an accident, but planned by both of them. Now I guess she will find out whether or not he is actually the "good daddy" she thought or whether he was just doing the good daddy stuff DD2 insisted on.

Anyway, not going to think about this any more - at least for a while!

DH and DS1 are repairing Jose the Mule's hay shed renovation. I am going to go out and empty the Rubbermaid 8'x10' shed that is full of stuff - a lot of suitcases, but mostly junk. Then we can move some shelves into it and move some stuff from the Connex into it. Also stack the suitcases we decide to keep on some of the shelves.

Next I will go back into the old milk shed and remove the hanging racks which are not space efficient. They would be better located attached in either the barn loft or the tool shed loft to hold moldings, etc. Then that will free up lot of wall space for more shelves to hold stuff from the Connexes. If I can get enough plastic storage totes out of the Connexes, we might be able to empty one complete unit and use it for hay! DH will be so happy!

(Back to the DD2 subject we have already decided that if DD2 leaves Doofus and moves out of her apartment -not in her plans- we will pay for 3 months storage for her furniture in a separate storage facility - NOT here. Then it is up to her. In case you are wondering, almost all of the furniture and household goods are hers.)

Anyway, back to the storage shed cleanup. Some of the stuff in the Connexes belongs to DS2 and we can move it into his 2 Rubbermaid storage sheds. I won't mention it to him or DDIL2 since they are so busy with work and the new baby coming. I will move it myself to make it easier on them. Anyway. I also have another smaller Rubbermaid garden shed 4'x8' with a lot of our older camping gear in it - sleeping bags, tents, folding camp chairs, and the hammocks from the boys' 4-H days, etc. I will clean that out and offer the gear to our children since DH and I don't "camp" any more - we 5th wheel. LOL That will give me n extra shed for other types of storage. Maybe put shelves in there and store the suitcases there instead of the larger shed.

Just noticed today that B15 - born November 19, 2020 - is looking gorgeous. Super long, thick and with a leg to die for. Definitely a keeper. Both her sire and dam are Hijo sired. Got a few others down there that warrant some intense consideration too. Really happy with this fall and spring crop so far. The ram lambs are also nice meaty animals. Only one that is weird looking - larger shoulders and super thick but blending into a narrower rear. Ugh! He's going t the sale yard. Will be lots of meat on him but not the shape I am looking for. Glad he is a ram. One f the late spring 2020 lambs is going to the sale yard too. Her sister stays for another few months but this lamb is small and seems short coupled compared to the other late spring crop. Snowflake is still the best looking of them luckily. We were worried that she seemed a bit stunted - her mother was the prolapse ewe and we weaned her early since we wanted to euthanize her poor mama. She has really grow out well and is super nice. She is ut of Lewis and the Axtel ewe out of TX lines. She is the only one out of those TX lines I have since the other ewe died lambing. Snowflake also knows how to suck up to us by asking for petting so she knows what side her bread is buttered in!

DS1 found some peanut butter filled pretzel balls for me. I am going to try them on the ewes. Since they are salt covered the sheep might like them. I really want my ewes to be more friendly. They are super friendly just before lambing, asking to be petted etc. but them they revert to their old ways. They do seem to love whoever carries their hay . . . .

I have found 2 sections of the baby jail that will work in the barn to help us separate the sheep when we bring them in for weighing etc. I considered making more pig boards then remembered they were sitting there waiting for the new babies and checked them They are not very wide, so should do very well in the confined alleyways. We will use them like the pig boards to place between sheep as they all try to leave the pens. Separating them off we can get one at a time to get out easier to work with. If I have a chance I will try to take pix. However, seeing Baymule's cute pix of all her lambs, I realized that I rarely take pix of mine! Actually, since they are all white, and hard to tell apart, I could just post the same pix over and over again and no one would know the difference!

Off to empty a shed!

 

[Ridgetop]

She could be green and pink polka-dotted

She would match your polka dotted sheep!

But FarmerJan: I am gad to hear that things seem to be working out better with DS and his gf. Having a large family of children to mentor is wonderful for him and they are lucky to have him in their lives.

 

[Bruce]

We both think that Doofus figures that DD2 will ask us for the $$ to fix it.

Guess he's milked his parents dry and is looking for another source.

Now I guess she will find out whether or not he is actually the "good daddy" she thought or whether he was just doing the good daddy stuff DD2 insisted on.

Seems like that is already pretty obvious. A "good daddy" would be working at something, anything, to pay the bills.

 

[Baymule]

I'm guessing that DD2 knows the opinions of you, DH and your family on Doofus. I'm also guessing that she knows the opinions of even his own family. It might be a wise statement, "Everybody can't be wrong" to say to her, in your "talk" with her. She might be living with this LaLa Land idea that she is going to change him and everybody is wrong about him. She's the only one that sees the potential in him of what he could be after she changes him. Yeah, right.

I'm also guessing that the pregnancy was planned by him so he could latch onto her, using her and the baby to get whatever he could out of you and DH. You have said that she is naive and doesn't get it that people can be not what they pretend to be. So she probably went along with his rosy picture of their little family.

Time for some real life words.