- Thread starter
- #121
Baymule
Herd Master
Buford got another truck lesson today. I had DOG TREATS in my pocket. Not just any ol’ dog treat, but dog treats from Chuck Norris.
I walked him to the truck, opened the door and patted the floor. Buford walked to the end of the leash, looking towards the front field where Sheba is. Obviously Sheba is vastly more attractive than the truck. But Buford, I have TREATS! And you will get one when you get in the truck!! It’s YUMMY!
Finally I coaxed Buford to put front feet up in the truck, then back feet and he was in! Of course he immediately wanted back out, but I blocked his way, talking sweetly to him and offered the super duper tantalizing CHUCK NORRIS TREAT. Ummmm…… nope. Buford politely sniffed it and politely rejected it.
What a let down! Putting my hurt feelings aside, I heaped praises on Buford, made him stay a few minutes then let him hop out. More praises. I could make one heck of a motivational speaker!
I walked him back to the middle field, had him sit, wait, then I unclipped the leash and offered the treat again. Polite, disinterested sniff or two. Clearly this bait is not working. I put it on the ground, more sniffing and finally he ate it. I’m gonna call that a victory.
Now about the Chuck Norris treats….. and dog food too! I’m gonna tell y’all right now, never be crying over a dog and get on the internet. I was grieving over the death of Sentry, was on FB mindlessly scrolling through dumb stuff, crying. A Chuck Norris infomercial popped up. Hey it’s Chuck Norris, I clicked on it. He described the pitiful state of dog food, dogs getting sickly and cancer, dying before their lifespan was up. So he did research, to keep his own dogs in good health. In glowing terms he described all the wholesome ingredients in this magic wonder food until I could have ate a bowl of it myself.
Then dismay…..the price was ridiculous. I should have stopped right then! But no! He even was considerate enough to acknowledge that it was expensive and maybe people couldn’t afford to feed it to their dogs. Ya’ think? But they could afford to sprinkle some over their dogs food to give them the benefits of this healthy balanced nutritional save-your-dog’s-life wonder food.
If you buy 3 bags, the price drops to THIS! Click here! I did. But wait, if you buy 6 bags, we will lower the price even more to THIS PRICE! WOW! What a deal! This is starting to be a tiny teeny bit less totally unaffordable! And the deals rolled on. Then he added in dog treats. His own, shiny, happy, glowing picture of perfect health, begged for the treats! Buy this many and the price drops to THIS! Click. We have a special offer for THIS MANY! Click.
I didn’t know how much I was spending or how many of what I bought as I clicked my tears away! I vaguely remember the price as I entered my credit card number and shipping information. The box arrived. A freaking big box full of packets of miraculous tidbits of astonishing health.
Today I tried the treats on Buford. I think he ate it because I expected him to. It was like offering a child mustard greens with a piece of boiled bacon in the pile. I need to find that damned advertisement and make Buford watch it!
Then the credit card bill arrived. Or rather it didn’t, lost somewhere in Post Office Land of the Lost Forever. I got a text telling me that I needed to make a payment of an astronomical sum. I called to make the payment and to find out just what in the world I spent that much money on, prepared to insist I’ve NEVER been to BROADWAY in New York and did not buy tickets to see Sadness in Vomitville! I politely asked the lady with a very strong accent in some far off country if she could read off what I purchased since the bill never showed up and it’s probably hanging out with the electric bill that never got here either. She started reading it off and I got a glimmer of my own stupidity and thanked her for reminding me. I paid it and got off the phone.
Buford my boy, I got news for you. Chuck Norris himself said this is good for you. Have a plate of mustard greens!
I walked him to the truck, opened the door and patted the floor. Buford walked to the end of the leash, looking towards the front field where Sheba is. Obviously Sheba is vastly more attractive than the truck. But Buford, I have TREATS! And you will get one when you get in the truck!! It’s YUMMY!
Finally I coaxed Buford to put front feet up in the truck, then back feet and he was in! Of course he immediately wanted back out, but I blocked his way, talking sweetly to him and offered the super duper tantalizing CHUCK NORRIS TREAT. Ummmm…… nope. Buford politely sniffed it and politely rejected it.
What a let down! Putting my hurt feelings aside, I heaped praises on Buford, made him stay a few minutes then let him hop out. More praises. I could make one heck of a motivational speaker!
I walked him back to the middle field, had him sit, wait, then I unclipped the leash and offered the treat again. Polite, disinterested sniff or two. Clearly this bait is not working. I put it on the ground, more sniffing and finally he ate it. I’m gonna call that a victory.
Now about the Chuck Norris treats….. and dog food too! I’m gonna tell y’all right now, never be crying over a dog and get on the internet. I was grieving over the death of Sentry, was on FB mindlessly scrolling through dumb stuff, crying. A Chuck Norris infomercial popped up. Hey it’s Chuck Norris, I clicked on it. He described the pitiful state of dog food, dogs getting sickly and cancer, dying before their lifespan was up. So he did research, to keep his own dogs in good health. In glowing terms he described all the wholesome ingredients in this magic wonder food until I could have ate a bowl of it myself.
Then dismay…..the price was ridiculous. I should have stopped right then! But no! He even was considerate enough to acknowledge that it was expensive and maybe people couldn’t afford to feed it to their dogs. Ya’ think? But they could afford to sprinkle some over their dogs food to give them the benefits of this healthy balanced nutritional save-your-dog’s-life wonder food.
If you buy 3 bags, the price drops to THIS! Click here! I did. But wait, if you buy 6 bags, we will lower the price even more to THIS PRICE! WOW! What a deal! This is starting to be a tiny teeny bit less totally unaffordable! And the deals rolled on. Then he added in dog treats. His own, shiny, happy, glowing picture of perfect health, begged for the treats! Buy this many and the price drops to THIS! Click. We have a special offer for THIS MANY! Click.
I didn’t know how much I was spending or how many of what I bought as I clicked my tears away! I vaguely remember the price as I entered my credit card number and shipping information. The box arrived. A freaking big box full of packets of miraculous tidbits of astonishing health.
Today I tried the treats on Buford. I think he ate it because I expected him to. It was like offering a child mustard greens with a piece of boiled bacon in the pile. I need to find that damned advertisement and make Buford watch it!
Then the credit card bill arrived. Or rather it didn’t, lost somewhere in Post Office Land of the Lost Forever. I got a text telling me that I needed to make a payment of an astronomical sum. I called to make the payment and to find out just what in the world I spent that much money on, prepared to insist I’ve NEVER been to BROADWAY in New York and did not buy tickets to see Sadness in Vomitville! I politely asked the lady with a very strong accent in some far off country if she could read off what I purchased since the bill never showed up and it’s probably hanging out with the electric bill that never got here either. She started reading it off and I got a glimmer of my own stupidity and thanked her for reminding me. I paid it and got off the phone.
Buford my boy, I got news for you. Chuck Norris himself said this is good for you. Have a plate of mustard greens!
for Ewenique, but 
for Buford - he has really matured A LOT lately. What a good boy 
