Queen Mum's Dancing in the Rain

[daisychick]

Sorry about the troubles you have been through. For what it's worth I really love hearing your stories about your adventures and your goats and I will be sad to see you not post on here. I hope you pop in from time to time and share some funny stuff.

 

[terrilhb]

Sorry about the troubles you have been through. For what it's worth I really love hearing your stories about your adventures and your goats and I will be sad to see you not post on here. I hope you pop in from time to time and share some funny stuff.

X2

 

[bonbean01]

X 3 you've had a rough patch for sure and I really hope things get better soon for you...

 

[jodief100]

I am so sorry. You are a wonderful person to try and help this man and give him a chance. In return he betrayed your kind gesture. That is heartbreaking. I will miss you. I know I don't post much anymore but I do enjoy your stories.

 

[Queen Mum]

Please don't be angry at me for writing what I am about to say.

Depression is an agony for some, so deep and painful that it is as if the air is being squeezed from your lungs one molecule at a time. It is a terrible excruciating pain. It is often times a pain that hurts so bad that you can escape it only through sleep, which is fleeting and temporary. The darkness descends and you pray for an end.

You struggle with the notion of giving up life because the ones you love will suffer the loss and it pains you to hurt them. But at some point, you are unable to bear the pain any longer.. you feel you must end the pain. This is what suicide is all about. It is not about revenge or anger or any of the stuff that the pschologists say. It is about relief. A permanent solution to a sometimes temporary problem.

Many people think that perhaps a word, or a hug or helping a depressed person find someone to talk too will solve the problem. This is often true. Medication helps in most cases. But sometimes depression hangs on despite treatment and pills and the love of others. It can be like cancer that goes into remission and then comes back with a vengeance. In other words, sometimes nothing works. For some depressed people when they are around others the darkness lifts and they feel happy and alive, but then when they are alone the sadness and pain return. This is often why family and friends miss the signs. They "don't see it coming."

For families and friends who lose someone to suicide, your loss is sad and painful and I know you will be angry and hurting for a long time without your loved one. I know that you wish you could have done something to have made their pain less. In fact, if someone has decided on suicide, they will cover up their plans and so you will not know. You are not to blame! The depressed person has to choose life.

Just know that your loved one suffers no more and is at peace. Their struggles are over. Their agony has ended. And know that you will always have your wonderful memories of to keep close to your heart forever.

People are going to say, that this is foolish nonsense. We have an obligation to give hope. Hope is in the choosing. Help is in the giving. It isn't always in saying I love you, but often it is in how you say, I forgive you. Or it is in how you say, I will help you. Sometimes it is in saying, nothing and just being with that person. Sometimes it requires a little less judgment and more compassion, less anger and more support.

I have struggled with depression for years. I have often considered suicide as a way to end my own pain. Treatment didn't work. Anger, ugliness, hatred, intolerance have no place in my life. That has lifted alot of the darkness. Helping others adds to the light. Looking for the sun every day helps. Goats are a big antidepressant. I am learning to avoid places where people throw their anger and hatred my way. The internet is one such place. But I still struggle. I still ache. I choose life for personal reasons.

 

[TTs Chicks]

 

[Symphony]

I too have struggled much the same and know of many others with similar issues. Your statement pretty much is right on the money.

 

[Queen Mum]

However, you must know that the content what you say to people on the internet to someone you don't know is as important as what you say to someone you do know.

I see Self Esteem as a persons sense of value to others. Self Worth is a person's sense of value to themselves. People who are depressed often have low self worth. So they seek to keep themselves fulfilled through boosting their self esteem. They think, "If I can be of value to everyone else, I can at least have a purpose in life through service."

Zero Self Worth, plus high self esteem leads to mild depression. Zero Self Worth plus Zero Self Esteem leads to suicide. On the opposite side of the coin, High Self Worth, plus Zero Self Esteem leads to mild narcissism. Someone who starts out with High Self Worth and Low Self Esteem may end up suicidal or homicidal.

The internet is a cold medium. You can't see or feel or touch the person you are talking to. You cannot read them. You can say, I care about you, or you are worth something to me all you want. But unless the person builds their own sense of self worth, they are always operating on half a tank of gas.

In the face of news of a tragedy about suicide, there is a phenomenon where others who are considering suicide will take strength from that action and mimic it like dominoes falling. If you are dealing with a depressed person at the time and what you say is stated in such a way that it is demeaning and designed to make the other person feel like a worthless a person you can do some pretty serious harm without knowing it. Depressed people on the verge of suicide only need a little push to feel totally worthless and justify suicidal intent and actions.

Please be aware of this phenomenon as it is increasingly the outcome of internet "justice" and the anonymity of internet cruelty.

Sara

 

[bonbean01]

Sara, that was very helpful and I'm glad you posted. My son fights depression and it was so helpful for me and I'm sure for others reading it too.

As for cruelty on the internet, I can't imagine anyone being cruel to you as I have read your posts and journal and find you a wonderful person. It is true that the internet is one dimensional and misses facial expressions and tone with conversations in person...but still...there is an impression of someone from internet posts and sharing...and I personally can't understand anyone being cruel to you.

Internet hugs don't do justice to how I feel about wanting to hug you for real...but it is all I have

Bonnie

 

[Queen Mum]

I was on a forum a few year back and became the target of an internet bully. It was the most awful experience you can imagine. Another poster was also a target. I complained to the mods who did not control it well. They seemed to like that it increased readership. Other people joined in, like sheep. I guess they thought it was fun. (Ah the anonymity of the internet.) The other post'er killed himself by hanging. THEN the mods shut them down. However, the comments by some of the people after the whole thing was over were HORRIBLE. The irony was that it was a forum to support people who were struggling with employers abusing their employees through harassment.

It is not the first time I have been targeted. People see me as a "know it all". I don't know it all. I know very little. But I do know what I know. So I just state it the best I can. It makes people mad. They tell me I am being preachy. I haven't been able to figure out how not to be "preachy". I gave up.

Friends don't need to walk on eggshells around each other. If you have to walk on eggshells around someone, he or she is not really your friend. They can't accept you for who you are.